Stages and feeling in competition :(

[Happymum01]

My little boy is 9m and healthy, but my husband is worried he is a little slow, he is trying to crawl, but not there, he doesn't clap, he doesn't pass objects or stack things up like some of the babies we know in our friendship group and it's making me think am I a bad a mother that he doesn't know all these things yet. He is constantly comparing him to these other babies and I get worried that he will see their next post of their baby doing something and him asking me why isn't our little boy doing that. I tell him each baby is different and ours is doing other things, but he doesn't see it. Feel like maybe I am doing to much to stop him develop, as he's a needy baby and I get board being in doors all day as I can't get anything done as he needs me all the time. Anyone else feel like that or get frustrated? Or am I being totally stupid.

Comparisons to other babies are totally unhelpful/ pointless as they develop differently. If he is worried maybe it would be a good idea to get hv out when he can be there so he can talk through lo's development and his concerns with her? Probably its nothing but maybe there is something just niggling that he doesn't feel is right?

I can't remember what they are meant to do at 9 months other than sitting but it sounds early for clapping/ stacking. Crawling isn't a developmental stage as such and a lot of babies commando crawl rather than going from sitting but also many wait until they can do so 'properly' from sitting. And some never ever crawl at all.

and it's nothing to do with staying in too much

Try not to worry about it. It seems to me they all do things at different stages anyway. My dd didn't walk till about 15.5 months, which really worried me at the time (though in retrospect it's not particularly late), not helped by comments from certain others.
Now, at 2.6, she walks just fine! And is developmentally quite secure, I would say.
I'm convinced some people lie about their toddlers/babies accomplishments, as well. Well, I know they do, actually. So try not to feel intimidated by what others say their dc are doing,

I found it tremendously comforting to read a baby book that said babies are like weeds, given a few basic requirements - think food, affection and safe environment, not baby Einstein and French lessons - they will thrive and grow strong. Unless you are locking him in a specially designed sensory deprivation box, you are not hindering his development by going out and about. They all get there in their own time and a few years down the line nobody will remember or care, the same mums will be stressing about book bands instead.

Why is your husband blaming you for your baby's (perceived) slow development?

Either your son is doing things in his own sweet time. (Most likely explanation by far.)

Or he has some developmental delay. (Far less likely, and not the end of the world.)

Neither of those things is your fault. Babies don't hit those kinds of milestones because you encourage them.

My friend's baby walked at 9 months. My baby walked at 19 months. Almost a full year later! You wouldn't even know now and they are only 2.

At 9 months my lazy lump wasn't even sitting up unaided yet.

Both kids fine and no delays, just developing differently.

Enjoy your baby and his milestones. It's not a race. And nobody should be making you feel bad because your baby is doing his own thing.

The things a baby needs from you are about nurture and feeling safe and cared for - that his world is a place he feels at ease. Pushing him to achieve milestones is pointless at best, and potentially harmful at worst.

Thank you. I might have a chat with the HV see what she says x

Sorry didn't see your message everythungrunsaway. No my husband isn't blaming me, he is worried our son is slow on the uptake as he can be sometimes, but that's just silly and I've told him that. It just winds me up that he expects him to be doing everything already and I've told him to just enjoy him, which he does as he doesn't get to see him most of the week, mainly wkds. Thank you for all your support. I'm new on here, how do I know if someone has commented on a post other than just going into the post?