Please help I,m worried about my daughters social and education skills .

[mummy2aisha]

My 5 years old has been going speech and language since she was 2 years old. She does finds it hard to understand two or three instructions at once. People say so do a lot of five year olds she will be fine. the teacher said she needs to be guided because when there is free play she doesn't know what to do and gets in trouble. The teacher has started telling her where she needs to go so she knows where she is. Today we went to a party where the performers were getting the kids to do a dance routine. My daughter loved doing the dance routines and I could see she was enjoying herself. As soon as they had to do the dance with the music and there was a lot of noise she came running over to me bursting into tears it was to over whelming. She settled down a little later and I showed her over to sit with the other children but she couldn't find somewhere to sit which made her burst into tears again. We walked around in town later and she had a melt down not a diva one she really believed her hair plaits looked bad and really wanted me to do her hair I had to do it for her in the middle of a department store. She does not understand personal space it is overwhelming to others and no matter how you tell her she doesn't seem to understand why people don't think its funny. Im really worried she is already getting extra help at school so that it great. I just want to know does this behavior ring any bells for parents with older children. Are they fine now with things. Nobody will give any say yes she has a learning disability or put a label to it. I hope it is just age what are other peoples experiences. I know it may sound selfish but I rather have a defined label then I know what I need to do to make sure she progresses but people just say she grow out of it. Experiences please.

Her behaviour does not ring any alarm bells for me....I have two girls and at 5 they're sometimes still insecure and lack confidence in groups. Over the next 2 years or 3 years, she will grow and develop more confidence. How is her language now?

Hi Clawhands her language is still behind and she stutters a bit when trying to explain something. She has improved a lot with age but we are getting there.

We took DD2 to a speech therapist at 2 because she wasn't talking at all.
She hates deviation from the norm.
She hates loud noises.
She has no friends.
She doesn't like physical contact with anyone
She has a very black and white view of right and wrong - ie no grey areas
She's very literal - as am I. We both struggle if we don't get a definite 'yes' or 'no'. To me, there are so many possibilities stemming from what people say that I am often silent. Not because I'm stupid or worried, but simply because I'm trying to process all the options.

15 years later, I have no fear for my DD. She is very strong in herself. She knows exactly what she wants. She doesn't suffer from all the insecurities her siblings do.

The point I'm making is that you don't need a label. And she's only 5. Watch her, care for her, but don't label her. She is an individual and only time will tell if she needs additional care. She might be different but that doesn't make her any the less adequate or in need of extra attention.

I expect the language delay has affected her confidence a little bit...her reactions don't stand out to me as something to be of real concern though.

can you invite one of her friends from school over now and then? After school for tea and a play? Or if not, then maybe arrange a couple of trips to the soft play with a friend from school? Doing things like this really help them socially.

The only thing I would try to get more information on is the free play thing...does she get overwhelmed by the noise? Many do...are her ears ok? Has her hearing been checked lately?

Thank you twitterqueen for your wise words they have helped. Hi Clawhands you are probably right maybe the language delay has affected her confidence it would make sense as she cant express herself as well. She always plays with her cousins one on one they play lovely as soon as anther comes along their like tigers. She has had both eye test and hearing test she has perfect hearing and vision much to her dismay as she wanted a pair of gruffalo glasses bless her.

It’s good that she’s getting the speech and language help. Some of the things you’re describing sound a bit like a (mild) autism-spectrum condition (such as high-functioning autism or Asperger’s syndrome) though she is still young and it might not be that, but if you're wondering about a "label" it's one to think about. It isn’t any single thing but the combo of noise sensitivity, finding free play and groups difficult and difficulties with personal space. Also, do the speech and language therapists know about these other difficulties? Even if she doesn't have a "label" they may be able to help her with some of them. My DS has some of the same problems, he was given an Asperger’s diagnosis when he was six, and he was given social-skills therapy in a small group of kids run by a SALT which helped him with play and personal space and making friends. He has grown out of some of the problems, he’s not as sensitive to noise now (he’s a teenager now!) and the social-skills therapy definitely made a difference.

Hi KLEINZEIT the speech and language know all about these problems with social environments they are working together with her school. I think they are taking her out of lessons luckily her reception is all open plan so she doesn't feel as if she is been taken out of her class completely which is good. I think she is going to be starting social-skills they have already spoke as a class about if you don't want somebody to close etc put your hand out and say no etc.It is good that you say he has grown out of some of it. I will definitely double check that this is what is happening.