Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Original poster

Is 18 months too young for the naughty step?

31 replies

scrummymummy3 · 02/10/2006 18:51

My 18 month old throws the most massive tantrums at the drop of a hat when she doesn't get her own way, I know I have to nip these in the bud before they get completely out of hand, is she too young to go on the 'naughty step' or does any one have any other suggestions or advice on how to deal with massive tantrums like these from their own experiences.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
NAB3 · 02/10/2006 18:56

I have put my 15 month old on the step for hitting his siblings with toys. I know he doesn't possibly understand that hitting is wrong, and we do think it is quite funny and cute when we put him there, but he has to learn that he mustn't hit and by removing him hopefully he will learn the connection. He is there for 1 minute and usually less as he wanders off...... I wouldn't put him there for a tanrum. He tends to lay on the floor when he is cross.

Kidstrack · 02/10/2006 18:58

i personally wouldn't use the naughty step at this stage, just ignore and try to explain whats happening (Hard i know because at 18m they are still babies) just try to distract with a toy or if out (wow did you see that big birdie in the sky)usually worked for us, always found at this age it was easy to distract or a big cuddle to stop a full blown tantrum

Sunnysideup · 02/10/2006 19:08

I agree with Kidstrack, at this age distraction really does work - some kids are harder to distract than others, but it is definitely within most adults power to out-think an 18 month old and get them distracted from a tantrum. You can keep a box of fascinating and usually prohibited things to bring out at these times, or just be really dramatic about something yourself, one I mentioned on a thread the other day was when I pretended to be stung by animaginary bee and gyrated round the room madly - certainly took ds mind off whatever it was

With kids this age I believe it's all about taking life not too seriously, not expecting them to do what they are told! I used reverse psychology to great effect with ds as his nature was very contrary; telling him NOT to do things I wanted him to do worked a treat....

I think the naughty step would be unsuitable because it would be a shame for your child to feel they are labelled as naughty simply because they are 18 months old - there's a very helpful NSPCC leaflet which explains how kids are at this stage, and why their level of understanding means that they simply don't do things to be deliberately 'naughty'; usually it's basically attention grabbing, or experimenting.

With tantrums the best way with my ds was certainly ignoring, remove the audience; I used to walk away. Tantrums aren't your dd being naughty, they are simply how someone at her stage of development deals with very strong feelings.

NAB3 · 02/10/2006 19:09

BTW I don't tell my child he is naughty when I put him on the step. (He has been twice.) I tell him hitting is naughty.

Sunnysideup · 02/10/2006 19:11

wanted to add, it's within most adults power to out-think an 18 month old and distract them MOST OF THE TIME! Didn't mean to make it sound easy, if it was my ds would never have had one tantrum

There are always occasions when all else fails and that's when ignoring worked for me.

samnbabes · 02/10/2006 19:35

I did use naughty step from about 18mths - but for actions rather than tantrums - eg. when he hit/tghrew dinner round the walls etc. Think he kind of got it after a couple of months, but it was more about removing the child from both the site of the activity and his annoyed mother!! Agree that tantrums are best ignored - apart from anything else, I'd like to see anyone keeping a tantrum-ing 18mth-er on a step... Easier said than done. On the distraction note, my granny swears by dropping a jar of jam on the kitchen floor - said it cured my dad of tantrums. I'd have wasted a LOT of jam ....

Pitchounette · 02/10/2006 20:12

Message withdrawn

aviatrix · 02/10/2006 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Blu · 02/10/2006 20:28

I used to swoop ds up and take him outside the front door - the very sudden change of view and temperature used to surprise him out of it.

Pitchounette · 03/10/2006 08:17

Message withdrawn

Twiglett · 03/10/2006 08:19

Why on earth would you think its too young

this is the age they start to exert independence

this is the age they take to it best

Of course it isn't TOO YOUNG

its the right age

Twiglett · 03/10/2006 08:20

you are mad if you think an 18 month old doesn't understand being picked up and being placed in another location and the relation to them having a tantrum

totally barking mad IMO

Twiglett · 03/10/2006 08:21

of course sometimes its easier for you to remove yourself from the tantrum .. ie you walk out of the room because the audience has gone there's no point continuing

Twiglett · 03/10/2006 08:21

Please source the 'lots of research' comment

(sorry am reading thread and posting as I come up against stuff)

KellyKrueger1978 · 03/10/2006 08:23

I use it with one of my dts, have done for several months and he is now 18mnths. It works wonders. It isn't areally so much a naughty step so much as nobody wants to listen to your screaming, you can sit there until you calm down. At first he would jsut scream even louder, but as soon as it abated even for a few seconds I would go and swoop him up and give him attention again. He soon got the idea and since he hates to be sitting alone missing out, he now calms down immediately when sat down and then comes back to play. I don't really use it for anything else. dt2 doesn't understand it at all, so he gets put in a travel cot when he is being naughty and that also works. I think they are too young to comprehend a naughty step but a bit of time out works wonders. It has taught him to manage his own temper rather than me trying to distract him out of it.
Distraction jsut isn't always possible. If I tried to distract dt1 when he is in full flow I would get headbutted, bit or slapped. If I try to give him a toy it gets thrown at me. I don't want to encourage this sort of thing, so it is far better to remove him from the situation.

Pitchounette · 03/10/2006 08:50

Message withdrawn

Socci · 03/10/2006 14:49

Message withdrawn

bakedpotatooooowoooh · 03/10/2006 15:10

Think it probably depends on the 18MO.
DS is 20 mths and went on the naughty step for the first time last week (repeated food-flinging). I gave him warnings and then a very clear explanation of how it worked.
He stayed on it quietly for a minute and then I went and got him and we had a jolly cuddle and a chat about it.
He knew exactly why he was there. (He was calm beforehand though: I'm not sure how you'd get a tantrumming toddler to listen to the explanation.)
He hasn't thrown food since.

Elibean · 03/10/2006 16:18

It was too early for mine - I tried it (well, a 'calming down spot' as opposed to 'naughty step') and it felt totally wrong. But then again, she didnt' do massive tantrums at that age. More like minor testing boundaries stuff. I just put her down and ignored her for a minute, or walked away (removing audience as in Twig's post) which worked fine.

alicerose · 03/10/2006 17:01

first distract them.
then allow them to have a tanturm. I lay my girl down on the floor and let her have a stroop. Sometimes I ignore it completely. sometimes I comiserate with her telling I understand how frustrating it is to be told to wait or not to be allowed to do something she wants.

But if she takes her frustration out on me (or anyone) by hitting,biting or throwing things I pop her into the travel cot. It is safe cushioned environment to kick and scream in. I can leave the room and count to ten to ensure i keep my cool.

I could not just set her on a step or that would esculate the conflict by my trying tokeep her there.

When the temper tantrum subsides i take her out of the with hugs and kisses and we decide what we do next. sometime we start by picking up what she has thrown or saying sorry if she has hit. I try to find something fun to offer her if she comes out and follows thru with good behavior.

I like to give her some choices. I want her to know I can compromise too.

I when mine was 18 months. some days she was there 3-5 times a day. now she is 2 years old she is in the travel cot only 3-5 a week.

i like to use the travel cot because it is safe. she can't hurt herself or anyone else. i am often the surprised by the strength and the fury of a frustrated toddler.

KellyKrueger1978 · 03/10/2006 17:03

I guess it depends on whether they are going to stay ont he step! I wouldn't have forced the issue but dt1 got the idea quite quickly.

Elibean · 03/10/2006 17:12

Ah, its all coming back to me reading alicerose's post
Yes, I used to sometimes sit next to her while she let the rage out - just say 'I know, you're very angry' then sit and wait. I felt as though tantrumming as in yelling and crying was ok, actually - just dd letting her feelings out. It was only hitting/throwing ie behaviour as opposed to feelings that I addressed with 'no, thats not ok' and a consequence.
Blimey, to think I'll be doing all this again in just over 18 months time

CarolinahowlingattheMoon · 03/10/2006 17:28

seems odd imho to punish toddlers for expressing their feelings the only way they know how.

getting them to stop the more trying types of behaviour is a different story of course.

i've always found removing ds (nearly 2yo) from the situation is enough (and prob feeding him or getting him to have a nap, as he is only a handful if tired or hungry).

But then he never has full-on tantrums either, so I am probably getting an easy ride (so far )

tweetyfish · 03/10/2006 17:34

My 22 month old goes on the naughty step, partly to get her used to what it is and what happens there for when she is older, partly to allow her to calm down and also (a biggish part) so that my 4 year old can see that id she hits/bites/etc there is the same consequence as he gets. Before this, he used to get terribly upset by this injustice, as he saw it.

I do think that now, at 22 months she understands and quite often clams down if i say "do you need to calm down in the chair?"

Gobbledispook · 03/10/2006 17:35

Ds3 would never have sat on the 'naughty step' even if I'd wanted to put him there I don't think. He would just get up again. He wouldn't 'get it'. Just a firm talking to at that age I think.