How to stop dd2 1.5 breastfeeding to sleep and get her into own bed after meningitis

[DreamyParentoid]

My dd2 had meningitis after christmas this year. Just at the age I managed to stop breastfeeding dd1. It took a good 3 months for her to recover the strength in her legs and she is still way more clingy than she was before the experience, but otherwise she is doing really well and I'm confident all is fine. But the difficult thing is I completely gave her my boob as her comfort during the time in hospital and completely wasn't ready to stop breastfeeding during that time afterwards.

Now she is a little over a year and a half and is completely reliant on boob for sleeping and during the night. She doesn't really have much during the day, but will ask if she is unsure about anything.

I need to start to prepare her for me going back to work and I would rEaLlY like it if she was ok for other people to put her to sleep day or night.

Any suggestions on how I can get myself emotionally ready to stop breast feeding her?!

I think I'm as into it as she is and I have been a bit low so I haven't quite had the umpf to actually make the change.

Plus then how to actually go about it. I find it hard to think it through as she and her sister sleep in the same room.

I'm glad she's doing OK. Frankly, after that kind of a scare I'd probably breastfeed her until she decided she wanted to go to uni stop. Meningitis is really scary - she's lucky to have come out of it so well.

She's feeding through the night but sleeping in a room with her sister? So you aren't co-sleeping or are you all in there?

I'd co sleep and let her feed/cuddle for as along as she wants to if she needs it to feel secure.

I wouldn't worry too much about her settling for other people, I'd put money on her being just fine if you aren't physically there at sleep time. Mayyyyyyyybe not the first time, but after that.

I was still feeding DS at this age and I didn't find it interfered with people being able to babysit or settle him. You could perhaps start a routine where you feed her downstairs and then she goes up with DH?

I think if you leave it, she will slowly wean off anyway over the next 6-12 months, that's my experience and others' who have breastfed to this age. (You should try posting in breast and bottle feeding too, it's OK to copy and paste the whole post.) DS at 18 months was feeding to sleep, then at around 9/10pm, 11/12, and once or twice during the night as well.

So the first thing I did was move him into a bed. You could use a single mattress on the floor if you want her to be able to get in and out, the idea was that I would get in with him for bedtime and feeds before I went to bed, then after I was in bed, he would come and find me. I had a stairgate on the stairs and low light in the hallway and that was fine. I found that it stretched out, first the 9/10/11/12 feed merged into one at around the time I was going to bed anyway, and then the middle of the night one slowly got later and later until it was basically an early morning feed/cuddle as many toddlers do, even non breastfed ones.

Sorry to hear about her illness, that must have been awful.

Thank you both.

Yes, I am basically sleeping in their room! We are effectively all co-sleeping because the 3 year old has joined in with the sleeping together even though she was fine in her own room before.

I think I'm going to take a tip from BertieBotts and go back into my own bed after they are asleep and tell them if they wake they need to come through. Might have some crying before the idea of moving rather than me moving sinks in, but I suppose at least its a kind of boundary and shows the direction I'd like things to go it.

DH good with bedtime story, but not with any going to sleep methods that extend beyond leaving and shutting the door. I think I might be over compensating! :)

That all sounds good :)

Except for DH at bed time. You need to talk to him about that as it's not fair on the girls for him to be like that and it's not fair on you to feel you can't leave him to do bedtime because he wont meet their needs. Work out what you could both live with and both of you work towards that.

My son is 15 months and Breastfeeds loads but is fine when I'm at work or away. He's never taken a bottle or anything. I think they're pretty adjustable.

At first DS would wake and cry and I shouted through to him and then he'd get up and come. I suppose you risk that this will wake up the 3yo and she'll come too but it should be short lived. If DH is moany tell him to sleep on the sofa while you go through the transition process!

My daughter had bacterial meningitis I breastfed until she was 3. After she came out of hospital, she was very clingy and it took a long time for her to sleep on her own. Following a major illness, it takes time and though outwardly things are doing well, it is hard to say what is really happening inside. I had an adult friend who had meningitis and when my daughter was struggling I would talk to her and she would say how she felt and that helped me understand what could be happening with my daughter. Your child cannot say what is going on and you are her rock. I know it is all tiring, but you will get through it. I was able to leave her with other people as she got older, but at night she needed me. to be honest, we had such a horrendous experience with the illness, I wanted to be with her too.

I had her in another room with her twin and then when she woke I would get her and bring her to my room. when she fell asleep, I would take her back to her room. Slowly she began to self soothe again and then as the got older I only fed before bed or during stressful situations such as hospital visits.

I don't know if this helped, but wanted you to know that you are not alone and time will take care of things.

Thank you all, it's so good to hear and think things through. I'm going to start by going into my own bed and calling through.

Thanks jwpetal That was very helpful. I wonder what your adult friend who'd had meningitis said it was like for her and how that helped you to understand.

I haven't spoken to any adults who have had it so that would be a very interesting perspective. How old was your daughter when she had it? Thanks.

And thanks also ChillingGrinBloodLover. It's true, but normal communication around this isn't working with DH who can't hear it as being not fair. It was what was done to him and he genuinely thinks its in their bests interests and mine to just be clear and strict around bedtime. That's why I'm just doing it myself.

On the plus side, I have arranged a helpX visitor to come and help me for a month in November so I can get some proper support from her hopefully.