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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Have you ever 'believed' other child over your child just to keep the peace

10 replies

Twiglett · 02/10/2006 16:00

if you child is generally well behaved and you know he can cope with whatever you throw at him

and other child is somewhat challenging, throws strops and totally can't handle it

would you ever, if put in the situation of 'he did' / 'I didn't' try to brush it off with an 'it doesn't matter'

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soaringflyingCOD · 02/10/2006 16:01

i neve rpportion blame wiht my own kids
generalyl but they dont really fight so itsnot often ans issue
if they are both bickering i sned them both into their rooms to calm down

soaringflyingCOD · 02/10/2006 16:03

so th e answer si yes
almost all the time

cupcakes · 02/10/2006 16:03

I think it is often a good idea to just diffuse the situation with 'it doesn't matter'. Sometimes I don't really care who started it.
I also hate being the kind of mum who always favours her child in an argument so I would try to get them to make up without blaming one of them.

mummycan · 02/10/2006 16:04

God I do it all the time - partly to show that it DOESN'T matter if she has pink crayon ven thpugh you had it first - wouldn't do it for anything serious though

Original poster

Twiglett · 02/10/2006 16:09

I do it all the time

I had to do it over a 'he strangled me' / 'no I didn't' incident

obviously bothered DS more than I thought as he drew pictures about it .. and I had to tell him I did believe him (but that night) .. now found out DS has been telling other child that I do believe him and other child has been complaining to his mother about it

oh feck .. there is no right way out of this .. I cannot disbelieve my own child .. and I won't .. I have never been given any reason to believe he would make this kind of stuff up

am hoping the water will flow under the bridge bloody quickly atm ... certainly haven't talked to DS about it since mid-last week .. and he was talking about it on Sat

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beckybrastraps · 02/10/2006 16:12

When my two argue I only apportion blame if one is glaringly in the wrong.

As for other people's children...

If it is THEIR child's fault, I brush it off with an "it doesn't matter"

If it's MY child's fault, I apologise profusely and remove my child.

cupcakes · 02/10/2006 16:18

twiglett - forget about the other child. It's your child who is important. Who knows why the other boy is perservering with this. Is his mum being difficult too?

pointydog · 02/10/2006 17:11

Hmm. If it's something either I or my child feels strongly about (so a bit mroe than the usual rubbish) then I definitely won't make out as if I'm backing the other kid.

Soo.. 'i can see you're both upset, have some time apart for a bit and come and talk to me pointy junior'.

Then we do talk about it in private and about how to handle the stroppy kid and about what things matter and what don't.

Maybe you should talk to ds about it? How old is he?

wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 02/10/2006 20:04

On holiday last year we had gone with a friend of ours ,it was going all right ,I have know this friend for years she came by herself and her three kids. One day my Ds came to me and said (call her x ) pinched me . I said why did you pinch DS (he jad a mark .) And x said because he held my head under the water in the swimming pool by the steps . She was 6 yrs and DS was 7 . I was horrified and truly shaken thinking my god this was life threatning and serious and on a side note it could have put her off water for life . This was so out of charater (honestly ) for him . He was saying in a really pleading voice please believe me mummmy I didnt honestly I didnt please believe me ,and he was sobbing . I was seriously going to smack him (bad I know but I was so upset and ashamed of his behaviour . We have a tell the truth policy at home ,so I asked him to tell the truth and he said I promise I didnt do it . all the time X is going he did honestly . I looked at him and said I believe you and told x all I have to do is look at my secret camara and that will show me what happened she then said he didnt do it . I was more bothered that I was so willing to smack my Ds ,He was so happy that I had taken his word . I learnt a valuable lesson that day .

Original poster

Twiglett · 03/10/2006 10:42

Thanks for concern .. DS is fine about it and has been througout to be honest .. no signs of great upset apart from picture drawing which was done with a big smile on his face

I have talked to him about it and made it very clear that I believed him .. which is where the whole "my mummy believes me" has come from

the subject is closed now unless DS raises it again of course .. so it will fade into the background

am just hoping other mother understands and doesn't think we've been talking about it endlessly

and I have learned a salutory lesson that saying 'it doesn't matter' doesn't mean that it doesn't matter to ds

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