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I hate this!

4 replies

snoopy2 · 02/10/2006 15:37

I consider myself a loving, attentative, affectionate person but can't understand why dd8 acts as if she has a real dislike for me. We had a rocky year last year when dh decided to leave as he couldnt cope with the loss of his father and returned 6 months later. DD had counsilling (by recommendation of her school) and I was kept informed of any thing that she was concerned or worried about. I don't think this has anything to do with her behavior.(?)
DD calls me an idiot, stomps around when asked to do anything, is downright rude and bossy, rolls her eyes and gives me dirty looks! Not one day has gone by over the last 3 months where I havent told her off, shouted at her, deducted pocket money, sent her to her room, sent her to the naughty stair - the list goes on. Its a constant battle and what works one day has no impact the next. I hate the fact that this is the relationship I have with her now - whats it going to be like in a few years when she hits teenage years. I love children and have a lot of experience with them as I work with them. Help!

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
mumatuks · 02/10/2006 15:58

Snoopy2 I just read your post, and the bit that sticks out the most is:

"Not one day has gone by over the last 3 months where I havent told her off, shouted at her, deducted pocket money, sent her to her room, sent her to the naughty stair - the list goes on."

I'm thinking, if all she's hearing is negative stuff being said to her, then that is all she will be, negative, bad. Your DD will be operating along the lines of "What's the point in being good if mum says everything I do is wrong?"

On saying that though, its much easier said than done. I also used to work with children before having my own, I enjoyed it very much and couldn't wait to be a parent myself. It has not made it any easier though with my eldest who is 3 going on 13, argues as much as he can with me and I'm generally dreading him getting bigger and older with it!!!

Can you just try to have one good day with her? Don't be so ready to snap or put her down. If you feel she's going for an argument, don't give her the time for one, carry on being nice mum! I'm guessing you're both probably quite similar in personalities and this is why you clash a lot? I know it is with me and my DS1.

Hope you work it out together.

ozharrysmum · 03/10/2006 04:52

Hi Snoopy2
Have you tried a 'girls day out'?
Just the two of you could spend every Sat arvo going out together for 1:1 time....eg to the movies - her choice of kid/girly flick; a picnic - she could help with the food preperation; a museum or aquarium if she's that way inclined; or just wander the mall window shopping and sit down in a quiet little corner for a grown up coffee (hot chocolate for her of course!) or a 'naughty, this is our little secret'ice cream..... I'm no expert, (I barely remember when I was 8 myself! ) but she may just need a little time to reconnect with you.
Good luck, hope you guys work it out

Twiglett · 03/10/2006 07:54

think the 'girls day out' is a fabulous idea

you've obviously got in a negative cycle .. and of course its bloody hard to break .. and upsetting for you

snoopy2 · 03/10/2006 10:24

Have tried the days out more recently and we have had some lovely times. Maybe more of these need to be planned and the picnic idea is really lovely.

You are right also mumatuks - she is probably thinking exactly that.

I need to break the negative cycle cos its not going to improve at all otherwise. It is really upsetting and some days i really think I am completely useless as a mum.

Thanks xxxx

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