Does your 4 yo ever ask to anything other than watch the tv?

[BusyCee]

I spend my life trying to suggest other fun things to do. He just effing whines and whines and after 10 mins asks to watch tv again. It's driving me mad. I'm having a very very bad parenting day and feeling tearful and desperate and like a shitty mum and I've just exposed at him for asking yet again to watch tv

I've exploded at him. Not exposed myself. Not sure which is more terrifying.

(Please. Someone talk to me...)

Sending sympathetic thoughts! Yes, my four year old also asks to go on the iPad, (which is banned apart from 20 mins on Saturday and Sunday). In all seriousness he would only do tv/screens if given his choice but once he's taken out of the house or re-directed(forcefully) he will forget about the big rectangular box.......until we re enter the living room. It's an ongoing battle, I know!

Yes, we have days like this - mine are 2&5. You sound like you're just having a bad day though. Let him watch it! I often find myself trying to stop them watching because I want them to do something more 'rewarding' maybe, and then ending up watching anyway as that's all they can cope with sometimes.

Before I get flamed, we do lots of other things too. But sometimes my tired and fractious children can't manage anything else!

I agree going outside is best of all and rarely fails.

Give yourself a bit of a break.

I am just having a bad day. But I don't know why and can't really justify it. I'm so tired of nothing ever being good enough for anyone and feeling like I'm dragging everyone in a direction that I know is best and right but they couldn't give two shits about. I honestly so rarely get any positive feedback from anyone. And OH is doing so well at work just got a promotion and pay rise and I know it's great for us but really It's so fucking thankless this isn't it. And I so miss my mum who died 9 yrs ago. And now this isn't a post about tv anymore is it? Having a little boo while I hide from the children and fucking cbeebies in the kitchen

Well that will teach me. While I hid DS2, 16mo, took his nappy off, had a shit on the carpet and trod it through the house. I do appreciate if this wasn't happening to me it would be much funnier

Oh you poor thing. It really is a bad day.

I understand about the thanklessness! I work again now, which has helped me a lot. X

for you, Busy.

Take the TV plug out and tell them it's broken. Let it stay 'broken' for a few days.

Oh bless you OP.

Don't fret about the tv watching. Clean up the poo as best you can and then drink wine. It sounds as if you deserve it!

Thanks all. Am now quietly freaking out about what the Jeff I'm going to do with them next week; half term it's possible I need to get s job as I don't think this current dynamic is benefitting anyone. Problem is my career is either 100 or 0%, and I'm not sure I've got the energy frankly to go back. May have to make a massive compromise. Oh it's hard isn't it.
On the plus side OH can't complain about the cost of rug cleaning anymore, at least not now it's covered in shit. Happy days. I'll swallow the humiliation and get done soonest.

Thanks again

We've converted our dining room into a play room. Suddenly there is a lot less telly watching going on in our house. I appreciate that most people don't have a spare room hanging around at home so it's not necessarily a helpful suggestion...

Oh poor you. It is exhausting looking after small children, isn't it?

I didn't have a tv when my daughter was growing up, precisely to avoid those types of problems, but now my dgd is only a year old and is addicted to the computer, ggrrr, and it's my fault for enjoying music videos with her.

Hope today's going better. When everyone's tired, the TV is the best option, especially if you've had a busy day outside.

How do you think your 4yo might respond to educational apps (eg pocket phonics) on the ipad, as a sort of half way house? Like the 'broken' TV idea though - and turn the wifi off.

In answer to your original question, my 4yo sometimes asks me to help him make things (masks, junk modelling), play catch, or if he can help with the cooking!

Hope you get some time to research some ideas for half term.

Story CDs are good, sit and chill put together on the sofa and listen to a story

To be honest my seven year bold is exactly the same...and if I had had a day like you yesterday I would have just made a cuppa, put my feet up with the paper or a good book and put the telly on! Fight the fight when you can manage it and to heck with it the rest of the time is my motto! Some days I could get the enthusiasm when DS was younger and on those days my enthusiasm would get him enthusiastic. And if he insisted on TV I could battle it out with him.

But there are just days when you think sod it and, as long as it isn't very day, the kids won't come to harm if they enjoy Cbeebies or whatever for a few more hours than you'd normally like them to watch. When DS was young I would even turn it into something for us both to enjoy by getting him to choose a DVD and snuggling up together with crisps or a plate of sandwiches. It certainly hasn't done DS any harm. We had a parents evening last night and his reading age is over thirteen, his maths is top section of the class and his teacher has read two of his stories out in class apparently as they are 'exceptional' (her words) (though he of course does 'nothing' at school when you ask him!). So the once in a while TV from mid morning til dad got home hasn't harmed him and my sanity is still, pretty much, in tact. Don't beat yourself up over it.

My seven year bold??? My seven year old!

Nope, our TV broke 7 years ago, binned it and never replaced. Has been the best thing we have done. Therefore ds's 3 and 4 have never had one around to constantly see/ moan at.
They see occasionally at others/ ds1 maybe at school, but the option isn't there at house so they draw/ play/ build/ read/ whatever

Oh and a tip for half term. Get out of the house. That way they have no choice but to miss TV and then, if they want to watch something later you can give in without feeling bad about yourself. It will do you good too.

DS and I, even now, enjoy getting out to collect leaves and acorns which we stick to brown paper or wall paper to make a big autumn picture when we get home. No TV til it's finished but don't ask for a masterpiece - ten minutes of sticking with a four year old is a huge amount of time for them. Or we just kick up leaves on a nice walk, may go into town and have a coffee for me and a piece of cake for DS (and me if I am honest!)

If it rains it's welly time and we jump in puddles. Amazing how jumping in puddles as an adult can make you feel so much better and your child will love you for it! Honestly DS told me, couple of years ago, I was the best mum ever because I didn't mind being a twit and jumped in puddles in town and an old lady told me I was a great mum for doing it (which made my slightly grotty day feel so much better). Shows how important it was, I still remember both remarks...

If it rains get some cornflour,pour it in a big bowl, add water and make magic gloop. If you haven't tried it, it is great. It feels solid but turns to liquid. Kids find it fascinating. Put a big piece of plastic in the floor though obviously. I have also been known to get DS's toy trucks and a heap of normal flour and helped him make snow tracks on the plastic. After ten minutes he is so absorbed I can just sit in the corner having a coffee and watching him until my energy level comes back. Easiest way I know if keeping DS amused even now! Don't try to be too clever with doing things, the attention span isn't always there at that age so ten minutes of something, then a snack, then a walk, then TV or read a story as some down time, then a run around rather than something they need to really concentrate on may work better. And don't worry if your DC asks for TV after ten minutes. Tell them it can go on in another ten minutes but only for one programme. Then TV off until after lunch or whatever. Alternating between doing things and having TV isn't a bad parent thing. It's life! It teaches kids that they can watch their favourite TV programmes but they need to be selective. DS now is given the choice of one programme or another, never both.

my 4yo really loves board games - orchard ones are good. we generally stick to telly at set times (mostly first thing in the morning as I can't do conversation before 7am) which I think helps minimise the nagging for it.

she's still a whiney little madam most of the time at the moment though, if that helps

2 or 3 approaches to stop this. Either allow unlimited (in theory) access to TV but then you announce "Right, too much TV, time to do something else!" dramatically at moments you feel it's all too much and turn it off. Prepare yourself for 5-10 minutes of whining (seriously, time it) and then watch happily as they occupy themselves with something else. Or you can announce something specific, endure 10 minutes of whining and then go and do the thing you announced.

Or, keep TV only to set times of the day/week, and stick to it religiously. That way when they ask you say "You know you're only allowed TV at X time". Downside of this: They tend to religiously watch it at that time whether they particularly wanted to or not.

Last approach is to make it their responsibility. 4 is old enough to do this. So you say it in a way they understand. "You can watch one programme every day" or 2 programmes, or 60 minutes. Get him to tell the time or use a timer which you stop/start at the beginning and end of TV watching. When he asks, you say "I don't know, how much TV have you watched today? Do you have any TV time left?" Obviously depends how rule-minded your child is. DS moans a lot at being told no but if he can measure something himself then he'd do that. Bonus of this one too is it gives you something to take away for bad behaviour

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate it. I was having a loss of perspective, I think. They happen when the drip drip drip torture of toddler and baby demands finally reach my brim and start to overflow.

So. I've cleared up all the poo, been to pilates and explained the meltdown to OH. Today has been a better day all round. I've found my grip and we've been out all day at pre-school/play group, lunch at home, sainos (inc a tea and biccie in their cafe afterwards) and now DS2 is napping (with trousers on over his nappy to prevent him escaping) and DS1 and I are watching Cars on the sofa while I reply to you Saving Graces. Only second bout of tv today after a 10 min stint this morning while I showered.

All good suggestions, thank you. Will invest in some educational apps - they'll buy me some time to cook/clean/do minor house jobs (he's a child that likes attention and proximity, so I don't get much respite). Also like collecting outdoor things to glue to paper. And getting him to monitor his own consumption of tv - rights and responsibilities are a big thing for us. Thankfully met up with a sympathetic mum this morning too, so have x2 hot dates for half term. Thank gawd.

Thanks again. I know it's what this is for, but it's nice to know I wasn't alone in my unhinged hour of need....