How to tackle unbelievable laziness....

[fartmeistergeneral]

I'm quite willing to accept that this is my fault and I should have tackled this a long time ago.. but both my children (boys 16/13) seem to be ridiculously lazy. Teenage-ness, yes, but I feel continually frustrated with their lack of get up and go.

They have been off this week and last for October hols and literally lie around the house, playing xbox/ipods etc etc. Both my dh and I are working - I'm part time but every day I come home and my stomach churns at the lack of activity. They have two jobs - take dog and empty/fill dishwasher and more often than not I have to ask when I come home, and they do do it, but always wait to be asked.

I limit the time they spend on their iPods, but am getting to the point when I want to also take away xbox and playstation which seems OTT, esp with a 16 year old but I want them/him to do something, ANYTHING that doesn't involve sitting.

Term time, they have days when they can 'game', but my eldest is kicking off because of his age and I'm still treating him like a child. The days that they don't game, they watch TV. Ok, they have one hobby each, but that takes up very little time.

I know it's my fault, I know I've left this late - but what can I do?

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Bring attractive and interesting people home with you and shame them.

Okaaaaaayyyy......?!

OK - mine are only 8 and 6 butthis is what I think I'd do.

Firstly, I'd give them more jobs - some cooking/washing/cleaning or ironing. They'll be grown up soon - time to learn and they are not pulling their weight. Be clear that jobs are to be done without reminders and are to be done when by the time you get home or their will be consequences - and mean it.

Secondly talk to them. Explain your concerns. Ask them to come up with suggestions as to non-screen type things they'd like to do and see if you can facilitate these. With the 13 year old I'd still limit screens - and insist he joins in with family type activities at the weekend (take him swimming, or out walking or cycling). With the 16 year old I think it is more a process of negotiation - but ground rules that chores and school work have to be done. You might also want to encourage him to look for a Saturday job (ie don't over fund his lifestyle, if you are doing this).

This is so normal. Get a book on teen brain development. I read 'get out my life but first take me and Alex to town'. It helped me know end. I understood how their brain is developing , why they do what they do and how to handle it. It made a much happier household. There's one called talk to teens so they will talk to you (that's not quite right) that's supposed to be good too.

do they do any excercise? Cycle? Footy?

I read a great idea somewhere that a mum reset the Wi-Fi code every day and once jobs were done, she'd then let them know the new code:-)

Remember you don't run a hotel. Stop cooking for them if they cant be bothered to pull their weight. Maybe they need to earn thier meals/clothes washing

I think it's going to be hard to change habits because the boys are totally addicted screen wise. But essentially they are living in your house for free and not pulling thier weight and not learning skills for adulthood. Can you introduce a few things - joining rugby/football a few times a week so they exercise , family time for a hour or so each night and lastly a time limit on screens - so tell them they have two or three hours screen time a day and they can tell you when they want to use thier hours. Write everything down together, along with chores and have it displayed where you can see it. Don't nag, if they don't follow the routine, remove wifi/computers/tv/phones etc. Remember you do have power because you provide them with all these things including food, clean clothes, clean bedding, lifts, wifi, screens. All of which can be removed. Expect it to be tough going for a month but be consistent

I like that 1mum1. I take the router to work if they haven't done the jobs requested the day before. It works a treat and they've now realised to get up and do what's asked of them or no internet at home. Be firm and don't allow them to be lazy. You are the parent. My2 have to make plans with friends at least 2 days in the holidays so that they are socialising and not dossing!