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Nearly 4 - sudden change to 'horrible' behaviour

6 replies

MrsCosmopilite · 19/10/2014 20:46

Posting here for a little hand-holding and some advice please.

DD is nearly 4, and is an only child. She's not overly spoiled (as in she doesn't always get what she wants, isn't bought treats daily/weekly just because she wants them, and is required to stick to the house 'rules') and is fairly bright - already starting to read and write, dresses herself (zips & buttons), can button shoes, clean own teeth, take self to toilet etc.

We're on holiday at the moment, so whether it's the change of comfort setting, or developmental I don't know but the last four or five days have been hell.

She's waking earlier than usual, and coming in to us. I have no problem with that if she gets into bed and is reasonably quiet until 'getting up time'. That's what we do at home.

But no, she wants to bash stuff. Her current thing to bash is us, using one of her toys (a sort of beanbag bear) then blaming it. She wants to kick the furniture because it's noisy.

We're on a farm so I can't open the door and let her run around unsupervised; there are animals roaming, and machinery about.

Every meal time is a battle. It is taking upwards of 30 minutes to get her to sit and eat half a plate of food (like beans on a slice of toast). She fidgets, gets up, drops food, plays with cutlery, lunges for our drinks, her drinks, other children....

Two days ago at a show which we'd gone to as a friend was in it she kept running around, kicking chairs, trying to get onto the stage. If I held her on my lap she shrieked, distracting people. I took her outside (to the porch, it was pouring with rain) and she quietened down. Brought her back in, repeat performance....

We've visited a few beaches. Made her hold hands standing in the sea paddling because we don't know the beaches well. Yesterday she pulled away from me and stepped in deeper. Lost her balance, fell over, got soaked. Cue much wailing and sobbing and promises to listen.

Today, in a car park, pulled away from my grip and ran off. Had to be almost rugby-tackled to the floor. Tantrum with screaming at full lung capacity.

Her current phrase is a sulky "People do what THEY want. I do what I WANT'.

Time out doesn't work. Loss of priviledges doesn't work. Packing up from whatever we're at and coming back to the place we're staying at doesn't work.

I don't have reins. There are no nearby shops as we're in the middle of nowhere. There is no enclosed garden to let her tantrum in.

Yesterday DH and I were both in tears by the end of the day as it's so exhausting.

If we weren't visiting people here and if we wouldn't lose money I'd just say fuck it and all go home.

Is there anyone out there who can help save our sanity and bring back my cheerful, loving daughter?

(FWIW, we're not eating sweets, playing computer games, or watching tv)

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Nevercan · 19/10/2014 20:56

Is she tired? Would an early night or a lunchtime kip in the car help? I think they get a lot if in out in a new setting and dint sleep so well at night. I think holidays are tiring for young children and their parents. We had a similar experience in cromer one year and one of us ended up going for a drive so they would have a nap as they kept waking up early/during the night. Just make the best of it :-)

MrsCosmopilite · 19/10/2014 21:05

Thanks Never - I'm sure tiredness is a factor. Unfortunately she flatly refuses to nap. The day of the show being a point in case. We'd had a busy morning so that she'd nap in the car. She absolutely refused. Screaming whilst we're driving around until we had to put her seat upright, pull over and get out because it was so god awful.

I've been trying to take her back to bed and settle her when she wakes early but for the past few days I've been unwell and keep having to do bathroom dashes :(

Trying to 'love bomb' the behaviour but when you're being punched/kicked/slapped and screamed at it's difficult.

She's an angel for everyone else. Do you think I should try vodka in the evening milk Grin

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g3orgia · 20/10/2014 12:56

I have exactly the same problem with my 3 nearly 4 year old. Shes very bright, can speak properly and some of the words she comes out with even amazes me sometimes. I think her brightness may be one of the issues for me though.
I have recently moved away from where weve always lived for a new life with her and my partner.
I do understand that change can be a hard thing to get used to. Weve been here nearly a month now and shes starting her new nursery tomorrow. Im hoping this changes her behaviour as shes gone from a lovely good girl to a nasty naughty one. She doesnt do as shes told anymore, answers back and seems generally rather angry. I wonder if shes jealous that Im with my partner (weve been together nearly a year) because me and her dad broke up when she was a baby so shes never really seen me with anyone else.
But when I try asking her to join in with family activities she doesnt want to. She wants me to herself.
Also, she seems to be answering back ALOT, with everything being 'I can do what i want' which is never how she has been before. She knows she doesnt get treats unless she is good, and she also has a sticker chart which I dont even remember when she had her last sticker!!

I have no idea what to do and am losing my rag lol!

GertrudePerkins · 20/10/2014 13:00

dd2 is 4 next week, and is very, very similar

i think some of it is testing boundaries and feeling her way with her increasingly developed speech and sense of personality

some is tiredness. she almost never naps anymore, and is a billion times better on the rare occasions when she does.

and while this applies less to dd2, who is more adaptable, dd1 was always very difficult on holidays. She struggled with the changes to he comfort and safety of her routine, even though it was positive stuff like having lots of ice-creams and going to the zoo. even though it was stuff she liked, the change in her routine always threw her karma out of kilter.

KateMoose · 20/10/2014 15:05

Despite being on holiday, could you have a day in and just spend some time with her doing drawing, watching something nice on the telly, making stuff, perhaps just pootling around nearby looking for different levaes or creatures. Keep it really chilled and see if that helps? Maybe there is too much going for her?

MrsCosmopilite · 20/10/2014 20:36

Thanks all - sorry to those in the same boat, but glad to hear it's not just us.

We have actually had a much better day today.

Was trying to find a soft play place to let her let off steam but it wasn't where we thought. Ended up on the beach, ambling along slowly, letting her draw dragons ("There's no such thing as dragons really, they're made up you know") in the sand, dragging a huge piece of driftwood about and poke about with shells.

Kate thanks for those ideas, may try a bit of pootling. Telly doesn't work (we find at home when she does watch, she behaves really really awfully). However, a good poke around, picking up leaves etc. would be good.

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