Using cutlery rather than fingers - what age did you start making a thing about this?

[Thurlow]

Just because I have no idea whether we should be making a fuss about this or ignoring it!

DD is 2.8. She did use a fork and spoon quite well until recently but seems to have regressed a bit, even with things like porridge and Weetabix, and now won't really use a fork and spoon and just eats with her fingers. She eats well touch wood so I'm loathe to start making a fuss and make meal times an issue when they aren't. The thing is, really, that she tends to play with her food a bit while eating it with her fingers and some days its a fine line between just toying with her food a little and outright playing with it.

What age did other people start treating forks and spoons as something that actually have to be used?

My DS is nearly 16 months and nursery just told me he should be using a knife and spoon/fork more than he does. He pretty much uses his fingers for everything! I couldn't believe it, I thought he was too young but apparently not. So I have no idea when you should!?

As long as your Daughter sees you and your family eating with cutlery at the dinner table, your Daughter will see this as normal and use the cutlery when she is ready. One size doesn't fit all, ignore Nursery. What I would probably do is introduce some 'special' cutlery and make the experience fun and not a school exercise.

I'd just encourage it but not worry about it. I do think they just learn by watching others eat and suddenly it just "clicks". I mean who wouldn't want to play with weetabix? ! It's great fun :)

My ds is 2.5 and he still uses his fingers for everything. Maybe a spoon if it's yoghurt and I remind him... I have an older child who is 11 and they have great table manners now and was exactly the same so hopefully it will click at some point!

I think nurseries tend to be a bit over the top about it to be honest. I suspect it has something to do with not wanting to clean up numerous hands dunked in whatever messy food it is - easier to clean cutlery isn't it.

i think in the pre-school year it's worth strongly encouraging cutlery use, as I think it's reasonable to expect that in reception they'll use cutlery independently, if not competently.

I do think it's worth encouraging rather than modelling, as DD1 has friends round for tea who at the age of 7-8 are still not independently choosing to use cutlery.

Is she eating with you at the table OP? The only time I saw a child not eating with cutlery by 2 or 3 was my friend's son and it was because she worked shifts and he ate alone whilst she washed up etc.

They do need to sit with others and eat and see what's what. You do need to encourage this now.

She eats with people 90% of the time I'd say, between us and at the childminder's, so she sees everyone else eat with cutlery.

I feel like mealtimes are a constant "DD, use your fork... DD, use your spoon..." which sort of takes the pleasantness out of them, and isn't really achieving anything at the moment! She keeps using her fingers. Or uses her fingers to place the food on the fork and then put it in her mouth

Playing with her food we are quite strict about - any throwing or deliberate squashing etc normally leads to the food being removed as we say she must be finished if she only wants to play with it. I wasn't sure whether this was the right age to start going down that line a little with cutlery but it seems it probably is too young at the moment.

How are her fine motor skills in other areas? Can she place puzzle pieces in slots? Thread beads etc? How is she with a paintbrush or crayon? Sounds like she just isn't finding it easy...rather than that she's too young...she might just need more practice with her fingers on small tasks.x

Her fine motor skills seem fine, which I think is what is frustrating me - she can do puzzles and thread beads and paints and draws perfectly fine for her age! I agree though that its probably got a lot to do with ease. Hell, some meals I find easier with fingers than cutlery!

She's only 2 at the end of the day. My friend's son was a bit like this but when he began pre school it magically fixed itself as he wanted to be like the other kids...

A technique that worked with my dd, although she was a little older (just 3), was something I copied from that 3 day nanny programme that was on channel 4.

You give them a small pot at mealtimes, and every time they use their cutlery you put a marble or penny in the pot; it really did the trick with my dd, and was quite fun so stopped me being grumpy about her using her fingers!!

Ooh, Myfanwy, I remember watching that programme! And I remember thinking that was a really good tip! Thank you - I think DD is still a little too young to understand that exactly but she won't be in a few months time, I'm going to store that away for the new year and try it on her then if I still need to. Just the answers I needed, she's not alone still eating with her fingers, and a way to tackle it in the future

I think at this point you should just let her get food from plate to mouth in whatever way suits her.

My 2.5 uses cutlery about 50% of the time. Sometimes she's tired and finds it harder to coordinate. Some foods are quite tricky. I put food and cutlery in front of her and only comment on her behaviour at the table if the food comes off the plate into the table/floor but if she plays with it in her plate I just leave her to it.

When she tries to draw on the table with it I ask her not to and get her to clear or up.

The only thing she gets into actual trouble for is declaring anything 'yuck' damn that George pig.
I don't mind if she doesn't like it/ doesn't eat it but calling it yuck gets one warning and sent down from the table because I HATE that

I know what you mean, Herrena, I hate 'yuck' too. DD ended up in time out the other day after playing with her food and finally spitting some out dramatically onto the plate. When I asked her why she had done it she said "because I didn't like it" - hard to keep a straight face sometimes