Clingy, grizzly baby - I'm feeling guilty

[tertle]

DD is 7 months old and not very good at being to her own devices. Or napping during the day. So more often than not, I'm faced with a grizzly baby who I have to leave to grizzle while I get things done. I then feel terribly guilty that I left her to grizzle but the same thing ends up happening again and again.

Today she had two naps, one for 20 minutes and one for 30, so hardly enough time for me to get anything sorted. She was obviously tired out by the end of the day and I felt really bad as I was trying to get something done in the kitchen and she was just crying and crying in her travel cot (I'd put her in there with some toys). I'd go to her, pick her up and calm her down and then put her back down - and the crying would start again. Then she had her bath and cried all through being dried and dressed and only stopped when I picked her up. Her face was all red and her eyes were full of tears and I felt just awful.

I don't know what to do - I feel so bad that my DD always ends up crying for me at some point during the day as I've had to leave her to do something. But I have to get things done! The only time she's OK on her own is when she's playing on the floor with her toys and I'm sitting beside her (often trying to get something done on the computer).

I feel like I'm trying to juggle her with other tasks and it's becoming stressful for me because I feel like I'm letting her down or not enjoying her enough. How does everyone else manage this…? Thanks.

Well the naps are obviously inadequate for such a young baby, so she must be exhausted. Is there any way you've found to get her to sleep for longer,

My DD would never sleep for long outside the house. So I started staying at home for naps because she'd sleep better. Not practical for everyone, but desperate times and all that...

Yes I know her naps aren't long enough; just realised in my OP that I sound a bit selfish saying 'obviously not enough time for me to do my stuff' - most importantly they aren't long enough for her to rest properly.

But I've tired everything to encourage her to nap longer. And sometimes she will do a 1.5 hour nap, just like that. But more often than not, it's max 45 mins. She doesn't sleep too well in her pram so I do try staying at home but it doesn't seem to change much.

A sling?
My 6.5 month old daughter will only nap for longer if she sleeps on me, so I let her do that, either in the sling or in a rocking chair. And if she wants to be held the rest of the time and I have things to do I pop her in the sling and just chatter to her as I get on with stuff. But also, I do less. My daughter will only be tiny for a short while so housework or whatever can wait (I do the bare minimum). On days where she is less clingy I blast through lots of cleaning, but I don't beat myself up if I spend the entire day with her and nothing gets done. Our evening meals are mostly ready meals or frozen as I often don't have a chance to cook. Again, I would prefer to eat a ready meal than leave her to cry. It's not forever and they change so quickly...I'm sure I will be looking back soon and being glad about the choices I made

Oh dear, merkin, I feel even worse after reading your post. Please know that DD isn't crying for ages; I'll only leave her grumbling. As soon as she cries I go straight to her but even that makes me feel really guilty.
I do use my baby carrier but she struggles in it before long. I just never even seem to be able to manage the bare minimum without tears. I spend most of my time with her and most of the time she is happy but I need some moments to manage some things at home.

My post makes it sound as though we are calmly pottering through life but in reality I have days full of frustration at not being able to get anything done!
I find if I need to do something she is more tolerant of being left to her own devices on a morning or directly after her naps. Is there anything else you can drop from your to do list for apnth as she's lukelt to be

(Posted by non sleeping daughter )
Is there anything you can drop from your to do list for a month as she's likely to be a different baby in 4 weeks

Have you tried napping her on her tummy in a pitch black room with white noise?

Also how much do you need doing!? At that age I could pop dd in a high chair while I did stuff in the kitchen. If she grizzled I picked her up (I had a toddler as well).

The best thing was getting a routine - so out for her morning nap. She slept upright in the pushchair with a "snooze shade" to block the light. At home for her post lunch nap - for which I'd cuddle and sing her to sleep then into cot in dark room as above...

(By pram do you mean a lie flat one? Cos I'd have thought she'd have outgrown that by now?)

I just wanted to post as I remember feeling the same. At that age DS would only sleep for 20 mins at a time, maybe 3 times a day, and was permanently tired and grizzly. I found getting anything done almost impossible, I could have written your post. I used to end most days feeling frazzled, with a whingey, over-tired baby who wouldn't be put down, and a filthy house!

I have no magic tricks, but at around 9 months he started to sleep for longer, although only if he was in a cot - he has always only ever catnapped in the pushchair or sling. So I had to plan my days around naps, and days out always ended up with him overtired, which was a pain, but at least the housework got done when he was asleep. He's two, and a good sleeper these days, so there is light at the end of the tunnel! I hope you get there soon.

OK thanks merkin. I think I will try to be more organised to get things done in the morning. She is usually more tolerant then too.
I haven't tried putting the shutters down for a while iggly, I found that it made no difference and I liked her to differentiate between night time sleep and daytime naps. But I could try doing that again to see if it helps. And no, I mean pushchair, she has indeed outgrown her bassinet. Sorry, wasn't clear.
Maybe I'm just really disorganised. I don't have that many things to do but even something like making lunch and then the subsequent cleaning up (DD does BLW…) seem to take me ages. I'm also looking for a job which is a job in itself.

I couldn't fit in looking for a job!

I know what you mean about clearing up...the majority of my day is spent either getting her to nap, holding her while she naps, feeding her or clearing up after a meal. I now do one 30 minute blast between her bath and bedtime (with her in the sling) where I load the dishwasher and wipe tables and stuff. It's my minimum, and if I don't get chance then it's what DH does when he gets home.
Don't beat yourself up, I'm sure you're doing great

She's a baby and won't get confused between day and night naps.... your aim is for her to get good sleep and she won't nap forever.
It sounds like she's tired hence the grizzling. Plus they do get grumpy e.g. with teething at that so could be a bit of that. I think keeping her with you is probably easiest. I do remember having to see to dd and ds a lot when they were babies. They didn't like being left solo until a bit older (now they play beautifully for about five minutes then they fight)

Thanks Spaniel. It's nice to know that someone has felt the same. It hasn't helped that this week DH has been away so I've been doing everything. I think I am going to try to get better organised and work on her naps. I am hopeful that if we keep persevering at some point she will nap better in the day.

That's a good idea merkin, maybe I will leave everything and zoom round to do it all in one go with her instead of constantly trying to keep on top of things. Maybe I could also buy a sling as we have a beko carrier and a sling might be more comfy for her? Slings always seem more snuggly but maybe I'm imagining that.

Could have written your post myself OP! DD is similar age. Napped 4x30min on a good day, but I had to feed to sleep then bounce her... got nothing done. One evening we kind of just snapped and did cry it out, it worked. Tried to apply the same to naps - she now has a 30-45 9am nap, try to get through to 1pm (sometimes 12.30). She'll sleep for longer here, and I can see her changing this to a longer 1hr+nap, but mostly she's awake after 30min or 1hr. I have started trying a little milk, then straight back down again, as she wakes up grizzly so I know she needs more sleep. Then there'll be a 30m cat nap around 4pm, to help us reach a 6.30pm bed time. I find that she's best and lovliest right after a nap. grizzling is tiredness, so pop her in the cot, face down, in the dark. She'll cry and wriggle for up to 10 min, but a bit of back patting and shh-ing when she's upset helps calm her, then she just kind of hums to herself and drops off.

A more ergonomic carrier than a beko might make her more comfortable. High street carriers tend to have babies dangling a bit - a sling or a buckle carrier will probably be more comfy (that's what I've found!). I got an Ergo baby carrier and a Hana stretchy wrap. I love them.

Thanks kitty, again it's good to hear that others have felt the same. I feel so useless sometimes and so guilty - it helps to hear that others have been in similar situations. Will really try to enforce better naps from now on. Maybe I am too quick to give in once she's seemingly awake. Being in the dark might help her to go back off.
That Hana wrap looks great waffles!

I love mine - but my babies are really small. Double check the weight etc. Also, maybe find a local sling library so you can try one out.

DD5 is the same as yours tertle.
But my dd is now nearly 18 months.
She is a lot better now as she plays and entertains herself but on some days still she just wants me to cuddle her all day and not put her down.
I think the more children you have the more you realise this doesn't last forever which I find it as upsetting when my children don't want me to hold them all the time anymore. All my dc have been clingy to me.

Make sure your dd has a good sleep. My dd woke the second I tried putting her down so I found that if I fed her to sleep and kept her on me to have a good sleep,then when she woke after a good sleep I could get a lot more done as she was happy and not tired. I have never been able to listen to my dc cry so with you on that one. And maybe your dd will sleep in a sling mine would which was excellent.
Tertle don't be so hard on yourself your dd just wants to be close to you.Do you have a high chair maybe try her in a high chair sitting with you in the kitchen. While your busy doing what you need to do she can play with toys on chair or give her some finger foods. I also had a jumparoo which was the best but ever for my dc.
Hope all comes together soon try things out and see what your dd enjoys as they are all different x

My DS would only do 20 minutes naps two or three times a day (if lucky!) and I sleep trained him gently - I used the shush pat wake to sleep method where you go in after say 15 and they're asleep and pat and shush them...they vaguely wake, you slip out, then the nap gets longer. I went from a baby who only slept for 20 minutes a time, to 45 mins in the morning and two hours at lunch time within a couple of weeks. It was a tough time but he was reality miserable on that little sleep. I could sling my DD but DS was really heavy and I just couldn't manage as was still carrying my DD toddler a lot too.

I use sleep comforters so neither needed me to fall asleep, a Bella the Butterfly plays at every sleep time, and black out blinds are my best friend.

Any chance she'd enjoy something like a jumperoo?

I learned to be fast with my tasks and try to do things where they were; neither minded watching me from a highchair as long as I was with them, and this can mean dragging it around the house a bit. Also their own toys are boring to them - a simple spatula or empty plastic bottle can keep them focussed. Have you looked into treasure boxes?

Mine are 27 months and 16 months old and I manage to get stuff done and keep my house clean, but planning comes into it, it is possible though.

So agree with how lo love things that aren't their own toys. My daughter will now stand for ages while I clean the bedrooms going through the draws. Have had to re arrange abit as to make sure there is nothing laying around in them that isn't safe but have to do that regardless anyway.
Being organised planning and routine my dc where all clingy but I had to have a clean house (OCD) so had to make it work for all of us as can't have unhappy and babies crying x x

Thanks both. We've had a much better day today so I'm feeling like a better mum! Dd sat in her highchair for a good 40 mins this morning, knawing on a banana, whilst I got things done. So the day started well. And she had an hour and a 45 min nap so although not perfect; better than yesterday. It's good to have DH back too, has been hard on m'y own.
And maybe I'll look into a jumperoo too!