Behaviour Deteriorates after 1 hour of playdate - 3.5 yr old boy

[Festivalqueen1]

My DS is 3.5, spirited, willful and bright. He copes for about an hour at a playdate, providing I interact equally with him and the other parent. After which time his behaviour deteriorates significantly. He has told me he does it because he wants them to go home, or he wants my attention. Any tips for lengthening the good behaviour. I dont really want to be asking people to come over only for an hour at a time. Thanks

I think at his age its not unusual to only be able to cope for an hour at a time. Perhaps a change of scenery after an hour, new activity in the back garden or you all walk to the park?

Does he play alone and occupy himself when at home without play date? That would be a start as then he can play alone and friend can join and you can relax with other parent

That's quite normal at that age and yes would keep playdates short. The time will increase as he gets older.

One hour at that age sound pretty good going. My 7yo has just got better at play dates. Last academic year he hated them. Would ask for a friend to come round and then would desert them after 20 minutes. Even now he is very picky about who he will play with. Older Ds on the other hand has always been much better.
Maybe going to an activity park or walk might be a way to extend the length of the play date?

Thanks everyone for the reassurance that he is normal. I cant quite work out how other people's kids seem to play happily for longer without becoming demanding, disruptive and sonetimes aggressive. He seems thoroughly over the top the moment he becomes slightly bored or if I try to hsve a conversation.

Does his attention span seem particularly short generally?

An hour is FOREVER to me at this age. For sure, keep looking to see what other children are like, it teaches you a lot, but don't be afraid to ask for exactly what is right for your child 'Why don't you and little X come over at 3, I have to go at 4' 'Why don't we all go to the playground, we've got a doctor's appointment later though so will have to leave' etc. Much better than having the whole situation crash and burn so that everyone gets frazzled.

I'm very impressed that he is able to tell you why he gets fraught after an hour. Fabulous emotional intelligence.

They're probably older/younger/calmer in personality/more tolerant of noise, stimulation etc. Or you're seeing them on a good day. Remember as well that we see all thestress markers in our own DC that we don't see in others. A child might seem very together but then melt down over the slightest thing on the way home or when it's time to leave.

My dd is a lot younger at 2.4 years and she can't cope with more than an hour really. Friends tend to stay way too long and I'm too polite to tell them to go but by the end I'm tearing my hair out coz I've had to spend so much time correcting her abysmal behaviour. So then end up worrying the other parent thinks my child is aggressive and naughty but she just gets over stimulated and starts to push the other child and clonk them on the head with toys. I think purely because she's lost the plot with people being there 2+ hours. It's too long. Park dates are better but not so great when it's raining!!

Flux 7001 he will sit and let me read to himfor easily more than an hour but attention span wanes when it comes to most toys. He just gets bored of them quickly.

Joanofarchitrave good advice will give it a go. Although im Pretty shattered at the moment as 40 weeks pregnant so can't do long walks until this little one is born and Im healed.

Bertiebotts good point. Doesnt stop me comparing but I know you're right.

Littlepink I totally identify with your description of your dds behaviour. Im going to take joanofarchitrave's advice once im sorted physically

Agree with everyone else, it sounds like pretty normal behaviour for that age! The other day we had one of DS (3.9)'s pre school friends over to play. After a while DS had had enough and asked me to put the TV on. I quietly reminded him that we don't have the TV on when we have people round to play, we wait until they've gone.

He then turned to the other kid's mum and said "So when are you going home?".

Could have sunk.through.the.floor. Luckily she saw the funny side...

My ds is 3.4 and manages an hour or so before becoming a bit difficult. A change of scenery helps but if you go to someone else's house that's often not possible!
I have found him a quiet little corner before now to sit in which seems to help him.

Thanks everyone. I have started the '1 hour playdate rule' and it's working well.

:) Great!

It's definitely a sudden change when you find you can't really see your adult friends with kids in tow, at least until they are older again, about 5 or 6 (at which point they're totally happy going on unaccompanied playdates anyway!)