Hi all. Sorry haven't come back earlier. Just got the boys in bed and sat down with a coffee so will try and cover everything.
We had a great time together at the weekend, weather was a bit rubbish so we to a big play zone place and ran ourselves ragged. His behaviour was perfect.
Phoned about appointment, they can't give me another closer date but they have put me at the top of the waiting list for any cancellations.
I wrote the op when I was angry, frustrated and upset so probably didn't give as much information as I shoukd have.
He had grommets fitted in April this year at the same time as having his tonsils out. On the initial appointment for this, the consultant and I went through his behaviour history and she strongly thought that having the grommets fitted would "greatly improve his behaviour" (obviously that wasn't the problem as although it's helped him hear a bit better it hasn't done much else)
His speech is perfect. I can't even remember when his first word was or when it was tbh, it just all happened so fast and he was having perfect full conversations by 18months old. He was talking before his older brother who is speech delayed and didn't talk until after 3 years old.
From birth to 16 months, he woke every 2hrs, every single night. From then on, he probably woke twice a night 4/5x a week (again just happened overnight) he started sleeping right through the night from around 2 1/2 years old but with that brought the very early mornings. 4am every single day for a year, we've finally got him sleeping until 5.30/6am but staying in his room quietly until his clock "wakes up" at 6.30am. He dropped his daytime naps at 2 and would just spend the whole day on the go, absolutely non stop until he crashed a 7pm.
He was breast fed until 2 1/2 years old and was dairy free until 18months old.
Now here come the bit where people think I'm boasting but I'm truly not, I was always worried about him seriously hurting himself, on tenterhooks making sure he didn't do something ridiculous, couldn't take my eye off him for a second.
He was commando crawling at 12 weeks old, rolling his arm underneath him to pull himself across the floor, pulling himself up on furniture at 4 months and cruising at 6. He was forever pulling himself up and climbing on the dining room table, window sills, I popped to the toilet once and when I came back, he was on top of the kitchen work top, stood up holding onto the handles of the cupboards above him. He couldn't even walk unaided when this happened. He didn't walk unaided until closer to 15 months. Stair gates were a breeze for him, he would just throw himself over them.
Which comes to the fact he has absolutely no sense of danger, scaling climbing frames that 8 year olds would be cautious of, jumping from heights any other child his age wouldn't even go near (we had one incident when he copied an 11yr old jumping from a platform, he landed on his back and we thought he's seriously hurt himself) yet he doesn't seem to feel pain or at least has a very high pain threshold. nes much better now, with a lot of consistency and guidance, he absolutely does not run towards roads anymore or bolt off in the street, he does still try to conquer things that a child twice his age would struggle with.
Then we've got the tantrums and the violence at home. And for some reason, only ever when we're at home. My real true concern is that the violence is ALWAYS aimed at his 5yr old brother, never me or his dad (unless we're holding him during a tantrum and he lashes out) Like I said, he is vile to him. And most of the time it's not because ds1 has done anything to him. He will literally just walk up to his brother, smack him, laugh and walk away. If ds1 reacts (which of course he does) and starts crying or says "ouch" ds2 will try to hit him more. He raised his arms and balled his hands up into fist for the first time about a month ago, I took hold of him by the shoulders, got down to his level and told him "we never ever raise our fists to anyone and I didn't want to see him doing it again" but he now thinks this is a game and is the first thing he does if he wants to get a reaction from his brother. I read siblings without rivalry and tried really hard to follow the advice, it made sense, but none of it worked and that's when we decided that it was just easier to pick up ds1 and lock us both away together until ds2 stopped the violence?
Now just got to try work through the proper tantrums/meltdowns until the appointment.
Well, I've probably waffled on too much and given more details that are needed/matter but it does feel good to get it all written down somewhere.
Someone today asked me what I wanted to get out of the appointment. I said I want answers to his behaviour. Is it something that he's got/can't help or is it me. I don't care which one of these is the answer tbh, if it's something that's "wrong" (I know that's not the right word but can't think of how else to put it) with him, I'll get help, but if it's something that's wrong with me, I'll still get help so either way we can hopefully learn a way of helping/dealing with him that doesn't ruin our family.
Thank you all for your replies, and sorry about the legnth of this post. I'll update if I get any news of a closer appointment.