Your 3 year old's friends

[MATB1]

Dd will be 3 in December. She's sociable and has really grasped the idea of friends recently. However, I've realised that her friends seem to consist of my friends' children rather than other kids she's met in her own right. She goes to nursery one morning a week (I'm currently on mat leave) but even her best pal there is someone she knows through me.

How much does that matter? I'd like her to be able forge friendships on her own and choose who she likes rather than just happening to know my friends' kids.

I suspect I'm overthinking this but just wondered if anyone had any views on my overactive thoughts!!

Sounds totally fine to me, my almost 4 year old has just started going to nursery 5 mornings a week and is now making friends of his own choosing, asking for them to come round for tea etc. He went to a different nursery 2 mornings a week for the last year and really enjoyed playing with the children when he was there but never asked to see them at other times, apart from the ones whose parents I knew and he was already used to playing with at home/friends house.

His close friends, whom he loves and asks after a lot are all the children of our friends, I think it makes perfect sense as they are the kids he's most familiar with and has shared most time with, been at home with, had family days with etc.

3 years old is still pretty young to be particularly sociable, sounds like your dd is doing great

I'm sure she would let you know if she had chosen other friends (which she will). And she has that opportunity at nursery.
I was thinking about this recently as DD had her third birthday and I basically just invited my friends who have children her age (who she sees regularly and likes). I didn't invite anyone from nursery though as we had limited space, even though nearer the time she asked about a particular girl.
Then at another party the mum of that girl confessed she had been really upset at not being invited to DD's party.
I realised I should have taken DD's request more seriously and that she is at an age where she can choose friends.

I don't think that means they can't be your friends' children though.

My son is just 3 this month and his friends are my friends' children. At preschool I ask him who he played with that day when I collect him and he'll name this or that child but he never talks about them unless I bring it up. He does talk about my friends' children though and looks forward to meeting up with them.

I think at 3 it's totally normal for the parent to influence friendships. By 4 or more likely 5 they will be picking their own friends but none of the 3 year olds I know are picking their own friends at nursery / preschool.

Admittedly all the 3 year olds I know are only in preschool 2-3 mornings a week. If the parents were both working and the kids were in nursery full-time maybe they would then build their own friendships from being with their own age-group most of the time.

DD is just three and has just started making 'her own' friends, having started a new preschool where she didn't know anyone. I wouldn't worry just yet.

Thanks all. I guess I'm just concerned about the lack of opportunity for her to make other friends. We go to a few classes and playgroups but they aren't massively conducive for making new friends as such.

It's nice that my frirnd's daughter is at nursery with DD but then I think that means that they only play with each other so again she's limited with who she hangs out with.

I think I'm wobbling because I've decided against preschool for her (various reasons - she's a bit anxious since dd2's arrival, the timings won't work when I'm back at work etc etc) and it feels like everyone else's kids are expanding their social lives and DD isn't...

I've asked nursery for an additional session or two for when her finding kicks in in jan so perhaps things will change then as she'll be with other kids.

Bless her though she keeps talking about her birthday and having a pink party and she'd only really have about 3 pals there.......

I think you're over thinking it a bit. They're only little & have plenty of time to discover the precarious world of friendships!

At 3 Ds has a bunch of kids he naturally gravitates to at nursery - 3 boys and 1 girl have been fairly consistent for over a year and there are a few others that come in and out of fashion.

Of my friends kids he is obviously more taken with one than the other. But he seems to like them both.

He likes to gossip about who did what on the way home, which is hilarious! He is an oddly socially smart and observant kid though.

His bday party was him, his 2 mates from nursery & my 2 friends kids. He was happy & felt birthday'd!

At 36, I'm still very very good friends with the kids that formed my first friendship group at the age up to 5, which was very influenced by my mum. We went to different secondary schools and university & some now live all over the country & indeed in different countries. They're like an extended family & even though we've all had our ups and downs I'm very grateful to have them & their honesty & continued love & support. I think it's made me a secure person.