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Behaviour/development

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Tantrums or seperation anxiety?

3 replies

LizzieD1972 · 14/10/2014 10:51

I really need some advice as I'm starting to feel very depressed. I'm so run down and tired and I'm really feeling my age (42)! We adopted a 10 month old baby girl back in March (she is now 18 months) and for the majority of that time she has been difficult to say the least. I only have my friends children for comparison and I try not to compare as I know all children are different and that some are more sensitive than others but she definitely seems much harder than most. She can have a screaming fit over absolutely anything. She went into orbit this morning because I dared to take her off my knee and place her on the sofa while I went to the toilet. I couldn't cope as the screaming is ear shattering. I actually think I have hearing damage because of it. Anyway I didn't handle the situation very well so I put her in her cot while she was screaming, closed the door and went for a shower. I feel terrible as it only made her worse but the rage and angry screaming is like nails going down a chalkboard and my nerves are in shreds! Sometimes she'll do it on car journeys and I have to stop the car, take her out and cuddle her until she stops. This usually works but some days I have to strap her to me in her sling as she has a meltdown if I put her down on the floor. She is poorly at the moment, off her food and possibly teething, however this behaviour can happen at any time, teething or not. Is it normal? I'm very affectionate with her and her me when she isn't having tantrums. I do love her very much but she is testing that love and I sometimes don't like her which is worrying for me. Do I just need to suck it up and hope it'll pass? I worry she is going to be a difficult child and I sometimes grieve for my past, easy life. Some supportive advice would be much appreciated.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Badvoc123 · 14/10/2014 11:08

I am the same age as you op.
And I have 2 sons aged 11 and 6.
If it makes you feel any better I sometimes don't like them either! :)
I think that perhaps ATM there is a "perfect storm" of things going on?
You say she has been poorly and is teething? That always made my elder son really poorly and miserable. Up all night, wanting to be held all day type thing. (With my youngest, I didn't even known he was teething until the teeth popped through!!)
Also, I would imagine she is still getting used to your home and her new family unit.
You sound like you are dealing with it very well.
If you feel like you are losing your temper then putting her in her Cot and going off to make a cup of tea or have a shower is exactly the right thing to do.
I think that until dc can verbalise their fears, pains and frustrations it's really really tough. (At least I found it so)
Just keep loving her, attending to her needs and it will pass.
My mantra for the the last 11 years has been "it's just a phase...it's just a phase...." :)
X

LizzieD1972 · 14/10/2014 11:17

Badvoc123 Thank you so much for the reply. It's nice to talk to someone who understands. My husband works away a lot so I often feel out on a limb. You are right and I'm hoping its just a phase. I can see a door slamming teenager in my future Shock ! I think I just need to catch up on some sleep as everything seems worse when you're tired... It's just so draining... x

OP posts:
Badvoc123 · 14/10/2014 11:25

Yes, it is.
I didn't really enjoy my eldests baby or toddlerhood tbh :(
A lot of that was because he was a very poorly baby, but also lack of sleep, worry and his inability to sleep were a pretty grim combination.
another thing I would say is - don't compare!
There is a great quote - "comparison is the thief of joy" and that's doubly true re dc IMO.
My eldest son missed ALL his developmental milestones (not surprising given his difficult start) and I made myself very very unhappy by comparing him to other children (who did not have his issues)
He is now 11 and a delight :) funny, kind and clever.
It will pass! and I think you will enjoy her more as she gets older.
Do you go to any toddler groups or mums groups at all?
Some days getting out of the house saved my sanity!

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