tantrums at 4

[jay11]

I am at the end of my tether with my 4 year old daughters behaviour. She has always been defiant (starting with a difficult birth), but lately seems to be out of control eg breaking things, hitting her 18month old brother and me, screaming when she doesn't get her own way - this happens every day. Of course, she's good at playgroup.I've tried everything including star charts. Everyone tells me she'll grow out of it, but they've been saying this since she was 2! I feel I have no support as my family don't live nearby and my husband works all hours.My mum even downplays the behaviour saying she's a 'pickle' - if only! I'm now 2 months pregnant with number 3 and am worn out with it all. Anyone have any ideas/help??

My dd is nearly 4 but isn't quite as challenging as yours is at the moment. Is she getting enough positive reinforcement? I mean are you able to concentrate on pointing out the good behaviour and not focusing on the bad? I think sometimes kids get entrenched in the personalities we / they think they have - she / you might be so used to her being 'naughty' that her 'good' bits are being hidden.

And despite that probably useless post I'm at least bumping you because someone else may be of more help.

My dd is 5 and we still get the tantrums

She has been a bit better since she had grmooetts for her glue ear (apparantly 'challening' behaviour is common in kids with glue ear) and she can now be calmed down by distraction before complte meltdown ocurs!

She is quite shy and quiet at school so I do give her a bit of leeway at home, but I think it is just something in her character as ds is the opposite.

Not much help I am afraid !

Ds2 isabit tantrummy atm - partly due to tiredness I think, and being newat school. Try to ignore screaming where possibleand try distracting with sheer silliness - it's hard to shriek through asmile or chuckle. Breathedeeply yourselfand try to let itwash overand around you.

Could she be getting over-tired? My dd1 is awful when she is knackered.

O/wise, we do 'stand and think'. Dd1 gets two warnings, then she goes to the 'thinking corner' to think about what she has done, and when she is ready she can come and talk to us about it and say sorry. I got this idea from Steve Biddulph and recommend his books - you can get them cheap on eBay!

Totally agree with imagineryfriend, it si so easy to label our kids and then it turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe she knows you think she is difficult and is hurt by this? Do you say things like, 'Why can't you be more like your brother?' I catch myself doing it sometimes, and I could kick myself.

Thanks for all your help. She gets plenty of positive attention - perhaps too much as she is number 1 grandchild on both sides. I guess recently tho it's been hard to see any positives! Anyhow, behaviour has been better this week as I've been putting baby brother on the naughty step, mainly for dd's benefit so she can see I'm being fair.