help!! toddler anger issues with new born

[LittleKirk]

Hi ladies

do any of you have any advice on how to handle a 3 year old who has some severe anger towards me and his daddy since his little brother was born.

I don't know what to do and I've exhausted every trick. I've tried talking to him, reasoning with him, telling him off for naughty behaviour and it always ends in a tantrum and tears and its not getting any easier. he's very good with the new baby and hasn't been angry with him but he's said that I am the baby's mummy and daddy is his daddy, not his brothers (even though he is).

my OH thinks that because we had a home birth (unplanned) that may be why he's the way he is - it's a big change and it was very sudden with no kind of transition period.

I've tried doing things one on one with him and he just ignores me and ends up shouting. hes better with daddy so maybe it's just me?

any advice on how to tackle this? I'm worried we could end up in a downward spiral. we had quite a good relationship before and I don't want to lose that

It's hard but pretty normal
I think. My dd is a bit of a bottler and her anger came out as tantrums and tears and crying in the middle of the night :-( I think you just have to carry on as normal, be consistent and loving and positive as just have faith that after a rocky few weeks things will start to settle down.

DD2 is 8 months now and DD1 is 3 so I feel we are on the other side of this. She was similar but also increased the naughty behaviour which frustrated me no end when I had a screaming baby to contend with.
Looking back I think the problems were a combination of her hurt and jealousy towards the new baby, my sleeplessness (and therefore lack of patience) and her just being a toddler and therefore pushing boundaries.
It does pass and I feel we have rebuilt our relationship by spending some afternoons out together and giving her more responsibilities and independence.

But it was hard going and I still feel guilty about it. Watching them play and giggle together now though is fantastic (when it happens).