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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DS 4y losing focus and fights at Reception

13 replies

Kmum31 · 09/10/2014 09:42

My DS has started Reception last September and he has been fine for the most part with only few insignificant incidents but recently I have become one of those mums who has to stay longer when I pick him up to hear about his bad behaviour. He can not focus and usually drifts away in his own world especially during story time and for the last 2 days he fought with one of his friends don't know the details of how that happened. I have tried to take away his computer and sweets and he is really apologetic and promises that he will be good and will listen but it's like in one ear and out the other. What else can I do?

OP posts:

enderwoman · 09/10/2014 10:05

Could losing focus be a sign of tiredness or an unrealistic expectation for a 4 year old? There's a 12 month difference between the oldest and youngest in a Reception class- 12 months is 25% of a 4 year old's life.

enderwoman · 09/10/2014 10:11

Fighting - are the children 50/50 responsible or is your son definitely the one completely in the wrong? Is the fighting physical or verbal?
Have you had chats with your son about the best way to deal with playground situations and possible solutions like compromising, taking turns, playing with other friends etc

MrsCakesPrecognition · 09/10/2014 10:15

I don't think you need to be giving additional punishments at home. The school will be applying their own sanctions at the time he miss behaves. Having some more random punishments applied a few hours later might just be confusing.
Do talk to him about his behaviour, perhaps find some books at the library about friendship. Try and get him to bed really early. He is very tiny still.

Original poster

Kmum31 · 09/10/2014 10:16

He does not like to sit still in one place and usually reenacts everything that he watches( like cartoons) or when I read to him. The fights as far as I know are pretend fights when they fall on the floor on their own etc. But still is not acceptable especially in DS school and I am trying to be persistent with his discipline but it's really exhausting.

OP posts:

MrsCakesPrecognition · 09/10/2014 10:21

You can support the school without having to punish him twice.

Original poster

Kmum31 · 09/10/2014 10:26

I know the first time he punched someone was because the other child pinched him and he even had a bruise on his hand. Still not acceptable and I have told him if someone hurt him he has to tell the teacher not hit back. The second time as far as I know was a pretend fight between him and his friend but still very disruptive. He does not act like that at home, he is an only child and is very lively and can not sit still for long always runs around reenacting whatever he watches and I do let him to be very expressive but at school they are more strict and I can understand that his lack of focus can rub on the other children. Will definitely try books.

OP posts:

Littleturkish · 09/10/2014 10:29

He sounds like he is tired at school- does his bedtime need altering to let him wind down? Do you keep him physically active at the weekend to burn off his 'run around' energy then?

Original poster

Kmum31 · 09/10/2014 10:42

I do work in the afternoon and come back home after 7pm. I try to put him to bed 8.30pm at the latest and he wakes up at 7.30 am. He has a bit of a cold has been waking up two or three times in the night for a toilet or a drink recently. So maybe he is tired. Maybe I will put him for a nap after school.

OP posts:

stargirl1701 · 09/10/2014 10:45

It sounds like he is just not ready for school. Would Home Schooling be an option for this reception year?

MrsCakesPrecognition · 09/10/2014 10:50

Is he at home while you work? Could the person looking after him put him to bed earlier?

IsItMeOr · 09/10/2014 10:58

Let school discipline him for things that happen at school. I would not recommend going down the route of penalties at home for misbehaviour at school (got that t-shirt, and it didn't work).

I would advise focusing on trying to have a chat about what happened, and what he thinks might be a better way to deal with it.

Also, don't panic. It's a big transition year for children, and a lot of what they learn is about how to behave at school - it's normal for many of them to get it a bit wrong to start with (and beyond!).

threepiecesuite · 09/10/2014 11:17

My reception age dd used to go to bed at 8.30-9.
We've had to adjust it to around 7pm, she is just so tired, grumpy and weepy. And lots of quiet weekends.

Original poster

Kmum31 · 09/10/2014 11:31

He doesn' t want to go to sleep without me. DS dad is staying with him when I'm at work and he has tried everything. We will try harder as maybe you all right and he is tired. Thank you for all the advice and will definitely stop with punishing him twice for the same thing. Thank you .

OP posts:

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