Dd who is 7 had a playdate with a girl who now won't play with her

[Passtheduchy]

Dd is a quiet 7 year old who has friends at school but not a best friend. I was delighted a couple of weeks ago when she and another girl were really keen to have a play date. This girl came to ours last week and they seemed to get on really well. This week dd has asked to play with the girl at school and she said it wasn't her game when another girl told her it was her game. Dd doesn't seem to have interacted with this girl at all this week. I know they are fickle at this age but I'm just upset for her that someone I thought would be a good friend for her doesn't want to play with her. Her 4 year old sister has a few regular play dates and dd1 is starting to feel left out. Has anyone else had this experience?

My older DD struggled a bit socially. The best advice I can give you is to enroll DD in Brownies and to ask as many other girls for playdates as you can bear. This will help DD to broaden her spectrum of social skills.

Have you asked her teacher how she is socially at school?

Thanks very much Clap. She is in Brownies which I think does help but no friends have emerged from there but she does enjoy going. I think you're right about the playdates but it is very much how many playdates can one bear:) She has always been very quiet and was on an IEP in Reception as she wouldn't even ask to go to the loo. Working in small groups really helped her but that ended at the end of Reception year. She has got much better in class and with adults. She just struggles with children. I think part of it is that she is a bit of a dreamer and when other children interact with her she isn't always quick enough to respond and they don't have the patience of adults so the moment goes and the child does too. How is your DD now?

Oooh that's SO like my older DD. Her teacher in reception told me she would not even get up for a new crayon or ask for anything she needed!

My DD is now 10 in year 6, she is absolutely fine with a capital F. I like you worried SO much about her. I moved her schools in year 3 and for a whole year she was anxious and struggled to make friends. Her teacher helped her by organising old fashioned circle games at playtime and she sometimes made my Dd be "the games master" which meant DD had to hold the game cards and choose who played what part...so for eg in The Farmer in the Dell she'd have to say "You're the farmer, you're the wife" and so on.

it was a brilliant and safe way to make DD interact more.

she has a lovely group of friends...all quiet and studious like her...there are 3 girls and 3 boys in her "gang" and I am just so relived that she seems to be happy socially when for many, year 6 can be a bit tricky.

I would advise you to speak to her teacher about helping her without making her stand out....ask the teacher how she is interacting at playtimes...or...do as I did and go and spy!

Yes it's a bit loopy but you do get a good idea of the truth of things.

in my DDs case, in her new school it was a bit awful as she was standing alone by the railings all playtime, rubbing her arm up and down them! She was so anxious about making friends that even when the others asked her to play, she just couldn't!

After seeing that I was upset and used to check her sleeve for dirt as if her coat sleeves were black then I knew she'd spent playtime rubbing her arms on the railings!

It went away after a time...and I didn't go overboard on the playdates as I found them exhausting and she still wasn't confident enough to ask girls over.

Somehow she just began making friends, her school changes their tables every term so they get a chance to work with all of the children and she gradually found her niche.

Your DD is still so little and social skills just don't come easily to them all.x Definitely speak to her teacher about it and ask how she is at playtime.