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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Co-sleeping: when should we stop?

33 replies

processedbeats · 07/10/2014 16:03

Our DS is 8 months and we are cosleeping. He still breastfeeds at night but I think a lot of the times it's just for comfort. During the day he naps in his cot or our bed, either or. At night once we are in the bed he instantly starts crying and wants to be in with us.
My question is - should we try CC and move him to his cot at night? We don't have a spare room for him so he needs to share our room. We plan to move to a bigger flat within the next year.
We don't mind cosleeping with him, it's actually quite nice. I just keep worrying that we will miss the moment when transition from our bed to his cot might be slightly easier...or does it not matter when we make the transition? Will it be equally difficult at all ages/development stages? Should we just wait until we get a new flat and make the move to his own bed once he has his own room?
Thank you.

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secretsquirrels · 07/10/2014 16:06

I did wonder at times whether DS2 would reach puberty before he stayed in his own bed.....but no he moved out about aged 8.

Original poster

processedbeats · 07/10/2014 16:09

Haha ok secretsquirrels I suppose there's no rush for us to get a new flat then

OP posts:

mustardtomango · 07/10/2014 19:13

We Co sleep too, ds is nearly a year and we've been thinking about it for a while. He too loves it in with us, and suckles for comfort mainly.

I don't have much advice other than to say we hit a point where it fit better for us to have him in his cot for the first part of the night, then he joins us. Gives us some time, and I think he sometimes benefits from not having us turning and half waking him. I think a little part of me was pleased to have him recognise that we were coming back too... I couldn't face cc, but figure they grow fast enough to nudge change when they want it

Zamboni · 07/10/2014 19:19

DH is still co sleeping with DS (almost 2) here and DD (3) still ends up in bed with me every night at some stage. They will grow out of it and it's the way to the best sleep for us. We've tried a couple of times to change it and it's been an unpleasant battle, so we take the path of least resistance and most sleep and go with it!

chocomochi · 07/10/2014 19:22

Sorry. No help here but DDs (5 and 3) are still co-sleeping with me. It's the only way all of us manage to get a full nights sleep.

mipmop · 07/10/2014 19:25

If it's working for you then keep going.
This website has loads of evidence-based info on sleep (and other stuff about babies and toddlers).
www.parentingscience.com/baby-sleep-tips.html

SquidgyMummy · 07/10/2014 19:30

DS is almost 4 and I would love to get him out of our bed.
He starts off in his own and then wanders in about midnight, quite indignant that I am no longer in his tiny single bed. (Where I stay to get him off to sleep.)
Have made a rod for my own back as it was the only thing that worked when he was a non-sleeping baby / toddler.

Then quite often DP ends up in the spare room so he can get a decent night's sleep. Not good.

o0 · 07/10/2014 19:36

I still co sleep with my almost 7 year old. I know the teenage years will be upon us before I know it and just getting a hug from him might be tricky so I'm enjoying it while I can!

Don't put a time limit on it. It works for now so just enjoy it.

SquidgyMummy · 07/10/2014 19:44

Zamboni do you and your DH sleep in separate beds?

Mrsantithetic · 07/10/2014 19:52

I moved dd into her own bed and own room at 15 months when I found out I was pregnant with ds. I didn't want it to coincide with baby coming. She was fine and started sleeping through immediately proves my point about dp snoring

I wish I had weaned her off bf at same time because now it's a huge deal to do it and I'm putting it off whilst tandem feeding a toddler and the worlds chubbiest baby

vichill · 07/10/2014 19:53

15 month old still sleeping with us but starts in travel cot in our room so we can have a bit of couple time. If you still enjoy it I wouldn't rush. I always think that on my death bed I won't wish I had got her into her own bed before she was ready. It has been a massive part of our bond and unless they're sleeping through I don't know how people cope with the alternative.

vichill · 07/10/2014 19:58

Mrsanti, did you manage it without cc?

Artandco · 07/10/2014 20:01

Mine co sleep 1/2 the time still, they are 3 and 4.

We just upgraded double bed to a super king size when ds1 was born to accomadate.

Generally they fall asleep in own beds ( in own rooms also as only 1 bedroom), then move in from 3am onwards.

Personally I think it's nice

footflapper · 07/10/2014 20:12

Do it when you feel ready.. My 4yo ds has been sleeping in his own bed for the last 4 weeks, I'd had enough by then, he was keeping me awake at night (now i've got a kitten keeping me awake, tsk) I'm a lone parent & it was a lovely bonding experience

NoraRobertsismyguiltypleasure · 07/10/2014 20:12

We moved our dd into her own room at about 9 months as she was just too mobile and I was worried about her rolling off the bed in her sleep. I also have a pretty bad back and would too often end up in an awkward position that was painful, just so I didn't disturb her. We took the slow, no cry route whereby she had a single mattress on the floor and we cuddled to sleep on the mattress and then moved off when asleep. For about 4 months she woke up regularly in the night and one or other of us would lie with her and cuddle her back to sleep often ending up staying in with her. Now at nearly 2 she has a story and milk and then a quick cuddle in bed, then I sit in a chair next to her mattress until she's asleep (no more than 30 mins usually). She sleeps through until 6.30.

Original poster

processedbeats · 07/10/2014 20:17

Thanks all maybe we'll just invest in a super king size bed...seems like a better idea than trying to move DS to his own bed. Thank you

OP posts:

callamia · 07/10/2014 20:22

If I could do anything differently, I'd get a bigger bed. DS is almost a year and goes to bed in his cot, bit joins us at some point during the night. He doesn't always feed anymore, and I'm trying to stop that now, bit he does se prefer some company. We all get more sleep, but it'd be comfortable in larger bed.

I'm hoping that as he starts to sleep longer in his cot, he'll join us later and later (usually around 3am, but sometimes 5ish). We never had the need for CC, I tend to feed to sleep, or just hang out with him until he realises that he's tired.

Rockdoctor · 07/10/2014 20:24

My 4yo wanders into our bed between 1am and 3am most nights. If I need my sleep then I go and sleep in her bed for the rest of the night. Since she started school she has managed to stay in her bed more often and we are trying to encourage her to do this with a sticker chart and rewards.

Whatever works for you - I know I'm not the only one of the school gate mums who does this.

Artandco · 07/10/2014 20:26

Oh and I do anything for an easy life.
There's an interesting documentary based on babies brought up in different cultures and countries. I think japan, an Afriaxn country, America, Spain etc. It showed how babies brought up in traditional African home with co sleeping and in sling, and basically with parent barely cried compared to all the others. Now I know our lifestyles different but I figured anything that stopped crying and allowed sleeping was probably worth it :)

MuscatBouschet · 07/10/2014 20:45

So refreshing to read these posts. Our DD aged 4 is now happily in her own bed all night. We took a series of very slow natural steps to get her there. Eventually at 3.5 years we did a sticker chart to knock the night wanderings on the head because we felt it had just become a habit. DS is 7 months and feeding through the night for comfort! Hard going on me but I've also been influenced by the studies of other cultures where babies don't cry.

No rush to get a second bedroom. Spend the cash on a bigger bed (could get zip linked superking so you can split into singles if you ever need to in a new home).

sometimesyouwin · 07/10/2014 20:58

We're in the same position as Zamboni. My DH sleeps in one room with DS1 (3.9 yrs) and I'm in the other room with DS2 (almost 6mths). Neither of them have been good sleepers and it's the best and only way for us all to get a reasonable amount of sleep. DS1 did sleep in his own room for a while but then I got pregnant with DS2 and wasn't sleeping well in with DH (he snores and I was disturbing him tossing about with sore hips and toilet trips) so moved to the other room.
I think just do whatever works for you and gets you the most sleep. It's not forever.

BertieBotts · 07/10/2014 20:59

Stop whenever you like :) I stopped when DS developed an aversion to duvets and used to hook his feet over it and push it right down leaving me freezing cold. He was about 2.2.

secretsquirrels · 07/10/2014 22:11

Oh, and when they outgrow a cot, get double beds for the DC. Then it doesn't matter which bed everyone ends up in.

NitramAtTheKrap · 07/10/2014 22:21

Still have DCs 6 and 3 in with me. Single and a double pushed together. Before you know it they will be grown up and gone.

Woodenheart · 08/10/2014 07:09

17 month in with me for the past year, ive put a bed gaurd up, its the only way we get some rest, I dont mind at all.

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