Preschool asked me to see gp about behaviour

[Fifibluebell]

My DS is 3 he's mostly lovely very confident, absolutely loves people, loves school. He started preschool at Easter and there have been a few incidences and I think they have been waiting to see if it was a settling in thing or not, today the head of the preschool asked to have a word and said she thinks its a good idea if I see a gp about his behaviour, he doesn't like anything different or change in the routine they have or he has made for himself he completely freaks out about it gets violent to himself and very very angry throwing things which isn't news to me he does this at home as well and has been the same from very early on with routine and change. He has no problem with new things it's things that are normally the same that have changed he doesn't like. From about 1&1/2 until 2&1/2 he had major violent meltdowns mostly violent to himself or directed at me he hasn't ever hit another child (he broke my nose during one and I had uncountable ammounts of bruises) sometimes they lasted hours which I did see a health visitor about because it was starting to get unsafe with him bruising his face on walls from head banging etc she started coming to my house but once he managed to say more words and understood me more they got better he still has meltdowns about things but mostly we work through and I can calm him down, I've made an appointment with my gp but as it's not an emergency I have to wait 3 weeks I'm just wondering what the gp is likely to say or do? Sorry if I've waffled on!

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Anyone?

I don't have much insight I'm afraid but I think you have done the right thing making the GP appointment. I would think the GP will refer your son to the Community Paediatrician.

Sounds like a good idea to see the Gp.

I referred my ds to gp who then passed us on to development paed and speech and language. He also has almighty meltdowns which was part of my concern.

I hope they can help your ds

I imagine the GP will ask you a few questions, and depending on his assessment, combined with the fact that preschool has initiated your visit, He may decide to make a referral as suggested above, or maybe to CAMHS?

Thank you for your replies. I guess I won't know until the appointment.
Lionheart what has your outcome been?

Wow, it sounds like you've been managing well for a long time, with pretty minimal support. I'm a bit surprised that the health visitor has never referred you on for a community paediatrician assessment.

School asked us to do the same for DS when he was in reception (so 4). After a long process, he has been through a Community Paediatrician assessment, a CAMHS assessment and a Multidisciplinary Assessment with SALT and Neurodevelopmental Paediatrician. He has recently been diagnosed with autism. We're in the process of working with school to apply for a Education, Health and Care Plan (the new replacement for SEN statements).

I am not suggesting your DS has ASD, btw.

Hope you are okay - this is, and has been, a difficult time for us.

They might suggest an assessment with a paediatrian if they suspect ADHD or autism. Alternatively they may refer to CAMH. As both these services are stretched you may well have to wait two-four months for the specialist appointment. Practically I would ask the nursery to write a letter to stage GP for you to take, with examples of specific instances that have caused concern. This way it's first hand information. Easier said than done- but try not to panic!

Hi OP, it's all just begun to be honest, he's only 2,5 so just got the ball rolling!

Isitmeor - thank you, sometimes I feel like I'm mad all kids do this or he does it because I'm annoying haha. Hopefully once you get things in place things will get easier or you will be able to manage them better!

Lionsheart - hope it all works out for you sounds like it'll be a long process

Teach - thank you that's very good advise I hadn't thought of asking the teachers to note things down they are usually very good so hopefully they will be able to do this

Agree good idea to get a note from nursery - it helped to just be able to hand it over to the GP when I was sobbing.

It is a relief to be at a point where all the professionals are now very clear with us that DS's behaviour is not a result of poor parenting. That really messed with my head.

Gulp- I have nothing to add other than some sympathy. I opened up your post because I'm going through exactly the same problem.

I'm devastated that my bright,friendly but entirely bonkers 4yr old is spending most of his time at school losing his temper at teachers and refusing to do anything he is asked to do. He has had to go to the headteacher twice already.

I'm very upset but I know that any kind of help would be great.sob

Good luck OP.

guggenheim sorry to hear that. It's really hard - I don't think I was ever sent to the head teacher's office at any point during my school career, so it was a real shock for DS to be there so often within the first year.

Are you pursuing a referral to a community paediatrician?

And The Explosive Child by Ross Greene is helping us (now that we're actually persisting with it).

It is still rubbish at the moment, but actually better than it was before we had any kind of explanation. School are able to try different things now, and there are some tentatively positive signs. We also know what help to pursue for ourselves at home.

(Liberally sprinkles love and good luck all over the thread).

Thank you-

We're both reading 'How to talk' and I'll follow up your book reccomendation. I'm going in for a meeting this afternoon and I'll go with whatever they say.

I'm trying to stay positive and calm don't even think about the quantities of cake/chocolate/biscuits I'm consuming

I think you need to bear in mind that you have spent a great deal of time and energy finding strategies to manage your DS's behaviour and you know him like the back of your hand. The fact that you have been so dedicated, made adjustments, remember to prepare him for changes, etc means that his behaviour is well managed at home. It is also currently probably easier to manage because he is so small.

The pre-school staff are looking at the situation from a very different angle and also considering how he will cope in school which could be a much more challenging environment for him. Schools are not able to put the same time and effort into managing his day for him that you can.

When my DD1 was diagnosed with AS, I thought we lived a relatively normal life. Then I completed a DLA form for her and I was very shocked by just how much of our lives revolved around making things work for her. I had no idea how different our lives were from those of other families until I specifically asked friends as the form required me to say what a NT child would need.

I know from personal experience how shocking this can be and how much emotional turmoil it can cause. Remember to look after yourself too.

Do be positive about taking this forward to a neurodevelopmental assessment. It can't harm him and it may make a very positive difference to his life, especially if he needs support in school.

Gugg - what stage are you at? Have you had support from the school or anyone? Very early days here as they only spoke to me yesterday so not really sure what's going to happen your head goes in to overdrive thinking the worst but I think if the school help with whatever the issue is I would find it much easier.

Isitmeor - how old is your DS now? I'll make a note of these books just incase. Do you find there are many support networks or do you find you're a bit on your own?

Gold - that's true! It took a long time I work out what the best way to deal with it is. I thought he was getting on fine at school because they hadn't said anything.

What's DLA and NT child?

Sorry.

DLA is disability living allowance. You can claim if caring for your child takes significantly more time than caring for a child without their difficulties.

NT is neurotypical, i.e. has a 'normal' brain, or has no developmental disorder, e.g. Autism.

Fifi DS is 5 and in year 1 now. We are very recently post-diagnosis, and while the NHS and school talk about support for the family, so far the only definite is 3 appointments with CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) for family consultancy - we have our first later this week.

School tell us that there are some local family support groups, but we haven't found them yet. MNet special needs boards have been a sanity saver for us.

Goldmandra do you have any specific tips on looking after yourself? I'm floundering a bit at the moment.

Hi we have a referral on to the group of experts Isitmeor described up thread. I think it's a good thing but i'm desperately worried and just all over come with elumsion (deliberate sp).

Hmm...any good threads to read? I guess we are looking at aspergers or a developmental difficulty along emotional /sensory lines.

Think I might be looking at a large coffee and cake sooner rather than later.

Sorry guggenheim I have put on 1-2 stones in weight over the past year (mostly chocolate, cake and crisps)...it's tough .

I asked his teacher to write down the things that were a concern she's done a list

Repetitive behaviour - plays with exact same toys every day in the same way.
No interaction with others plays alongside.
Rarely answers a direct question.
Doesn't ever look like he's listening.
Echo's speech - will repeat things spoke by others
Aggressive behaviour at things that have changed or unusual.

What do you make of the list? I feel very anxious about it!

Fifi try to remember that nothing anyone says will change your little boy. He is the same person now that he was before anyone raised a concern.

Don't forget that there are varying degrees in all of the behaviours on that list, e.g. repetitive behaviours can describe a child playing imaginatively with trains on the same track layout every day or literally only playing with the same engine going round the same circle of track making the same noises. It is a useful list but it is only a very small snapshot and a diagnostic assessment would include proper observations of his play by experts.

Do the preschool staff understand that children who find eye contact difficult can find it much easier to listen to you if they are permitted to look away? You might want to clarify this for them because making children look at you can make it very stressful for them to have conversations or follow instructions you are giving them.

Ways to look after yourself include letting yourself talk over your concerns with other people. Good friends will listen and let you waffle if you need to.

Take time out to de-stress and try to find something else to focus on for little while.

if you end up in battles for educational provision the stress can seriously affect your health. I left it longer than I should have before approaching my GP for support with my own stress levels. Look after yourself because your child needs you to be healthy.

Find a support group, either face to face or online and get to know other parents in the same position. It helps enormously to hear other people saying the things you want to say but often can't because other parents don't understand.

It is all too easy to spend all your waking moments watching your child and wondering if what you see is normal. Consciously try to just enjoy them for who they are.