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Behaviour/development

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for those with fussy eaters

17 replies

AmericasTorturedBrow · 05/10/2014 02:38

yup, one of them - want to know your approaches.

DD is 2.10 and a fussy eater. She currently eats (pretty much guaranteed):

apple
banana
raspberries
strawberries
bread/toast/tortillas - with marmite or honey or peanut butter or almond butter
pasta and pesto
plain yoghurt
carby snacky style food (crackers, breadsticks etc)
chips
crisps
the white of boiled egg
cheese

She will often (but far from usually) eat:

houmous
beans and lentils
cous cous / quinoa
porridge (I make it with almond milk and cook with sunflower seeds and chia seeds)
scrambled egg

Goes without saying she'll eat cake (though not the ones I bake and sneak vegetables into), chocolate, sweets etc.

I know the above isn't actually that bad, despite not a single vegetable being on the list, but we are entering Mealtimes-as-Battleground territory and I'm guessing, as usual, it's in part down to my inconsistency.

So - what do you do with your toddler fussy eaters? Do you just give them what you know they'll eat? Do you occasionally introduce other food? Do you just put in front of them what everyone else is having (we have a gloriously unfussy DS who is nearly 6 and came out of his fussiness at around 3yo) and leave them if they don't eat?

My big frustrations are when she just refuses to a) even try something - particularly known foods (I'm hardly plonking raw oysters in front of her) and b) refuses to eat stuff out of the top list. I try to keep an eye on snacking, but maybe I should go with the flow on snacking but always offer nutritious good stuff? I do manage to sneak spinach into her diet in pesto and home made lollies..

At the end of my tether but also terrified of creating food = control and making food a battle

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Arainyday · 05/10/2014 07:32

We fell into the trap of just cooking DS's guaranteed favourites because at least we knew he'd eat. But then he moved the goalposts and stopped eating even his favourites!

I heard on a MN thread someone recommend a book which had good axon reviews - the 'how to get the little blighters to eat' advice book.

It's an easy read and turns everything on its head, but it takes guts of steel to follow. Essentially you cook a normal dinner and serve the a tiny portion because it's easier to have second helpings if they surprise you and actually eat some of it. If they complain you say "this is what we've got on the table today" and they don't get offered anything else.

My DS would leave the table without eating a single thing! I was so worried he would wake up hungry but he never has done.

My other concern is that he isn't getting a varied and therefore healthy diet, but the book reckons by a few months you'll see a massive difference - IF you stick at it.

It's incredibly difficult to not coax another mouthful, but the rules are that you cant. Infact, talking about food at the table is banned, by all means explain how carrots are healthy for your eyes but just not at the table. Make it a fun time talking about everything else but food.

The idea is that you trust them to eat what they want to and pass no judgement, and on the flip side they aren't allowed to say "yuck" or "I don't like that". They can think it on their head but just not say it out loud.

It's certainly taken the pressure off mealtimes because it's not spent bargaining and badgering. But it's only been 2 weeks so we haven't reached the several months mark where there's a promise of results. The only difference I've seen is he announced proudly that he ate peas yesterday and I passed no judgement but simply reacted with interest to hear about his day.

Arainyday · 05/10/2014 07:37

Oh and I'd recommend you jot down what they eat, even just for one day.
I was introducing the 'eat well plate' (simplified version) to him at bedtime before his story, and while doing so found to my surprise that he'd actually eaten from all of the food groups, just not at the same meal. It really helped me psychologically!

Delphiniumsblue · 05/10/2014 07:42

I haven't seen the book but agree with it. Do not make food an issue and a battle ground.
Serve it, in the small portions ( they can have more) and then don't discuss, even to praise, and never coax. Leave them to it, take it away without comment if they don't eat it. If they say 'yuk' or similar just say, mildly, ' that's a shame, I think it yummy'. Don't let them make it your problem.
If they say , afterwards, that they are hungry just say with mild, uninterested surprise, 'well you would be, you didn't eat your dinner'.
Don't give snacks.
They won't starve, they may be a bit hungry for a few days.
It is easy to say and difficult with your own. Watch your body language, they read that as much as your words. If they know you are bothered they will hang out to get their own way. It would be much easier for me because I really wouldn't be bothered and they would know!

AmericasTorturedBrow · 05/10/2014 14:32

How old were/are your DC when you tried this?

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Delphiniumsblue · 05/10/2014 15:32

2nd child from the start - having tried everything else with the first and failed!

AmericasTorturedBrow · 05/10/2014 16:12

and as part of it did you sometimes make food that you knew they'd eat anyway? I don't mind having pasta and pesto one dinner a week for example!

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AmericasTorturedBrow · 05/10/2014 16:13

I hate children being different - I feel we've had the same approach with DD that we had with DS but it hasn't worked!

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AmericasTorturedBrow · 05/10/2014 16:16

I think I could probably do this, but DH looks after her too and in a few weeks my DM is having the DC for a few days and I know she'll probably cave on the no snacks. Also at preschool she has snack ( 3 days a week though I always pick her up before afternoon snack time so she doesn't get any food between lunch and dinner)...do you think it will still work or do you have to rigidly consistent? Will it work even if on a lazy Sunday DH occasionally just lets them graze all day as per usual but she knows the rules when it's with me (majority of the time)

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AmericasTorturedBrow · 05/10/2014 16:22

right, looked it up and ordered it - was encouraged by reviewers saying how short it is and considering it was DH who dragged out our Penelope Leach bible to see what she said I'm hoping he'll also sit down and read it too - sounds like although our son is a good eater we could take some of those tips and apply it to him as well

Thanks for the recommendation!

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fustybritches · 05/10/2014 16:30

I've read the book and am doing the plan - we're a few weeks in.

Dd has been learning about fruit and veg at school so not sure if it's that or the book but she's trying things.

I act nonchalant but I'm dancing inside when she does!

The part that really made sense to me was - how will they try anything new if it's not offered to them?

Arainyday · 05/10/2014 18:23

The book say to give snacks rather than make then wait, but that the snacks should be a choice of two, such as toast or a banana. No choices for main courses though!

If you would eat pasta then by all means continue to serve it, but just don't serve anything you wouldn't normally do, for example plain pasta with nothing added to it! I think it was in the book to suggest changing some little things to foods they'd normally eat, so perhaps pasta with orange cheese rather than pale cheddar. Tiny ways to broaden their minds!

I don't think it's too early to start, I'm doing it with a 4 year old and a 1 year old. To some degree you can't control other people but you're the main care giver and I think that's the critical point.

AmericasTorturedBrow · 05/10/2014 22:19

I do put new stuff in front of her and make at least one totally new meal a week for both of them, for which it's fine if they try and don't like. DS is generally good at trying stuff and will often then say he likes it so I trust when he says he doesn't and offer him something else.

DD, not so much

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plentyofshoes · 06/10/2014 09:15

My ds was a nightmare. Awful.
He started nursery just before two and that helped a great deal.
He is nearly 6 and eats very well. I think I just stopped worrying so maybe he picked up on my anxiety slightly?

Arainyday · 06/10/2014 19:27

I didn't think it was really a battle of the wills, what a naive mother! Until implementing this new regime of being totally cool about whatever he chooses to eat or leave, out of what's offered on the table, I felt almost pity for him fighting against so many 'yucky' tastes.

Until today when he announced "right, fine. Then I will just fill up on drinks if you won't give me what I want!"

That cements my resolve!

capecath · 06/10/2014 21:05

Ds2 at 2.1y is more fussy than ds1 (who is a food machine), although not too bad really... His main issue is fruit. He has never liked it, even pureed. We have it every morning at breakfast and I offer it every day. In recent months he took to bananas, then grapes and now today he ate a whole Clementine and wanted more!! I just keep offering it and don't fuss. General rule is we give small portions, no snacks after 4pm unless fruit, we generally base on something we know they will like plus some variation, nothing else if they don't eat it, juice or milk only at mealtimes, water at other times. It sounds like a lot reading it like that!! But it is just part of our routine...

LittlePink · 08/10/2014 14:15

My 2.4 yr old has become really fussy lately. Theres not much she will eat at the moment in terms of dinner. Breakfast is ok, she will eat Weetabix only with blackberries or raspberries. Lunch will be finger food so hummus, pitta, sticks of cheese, mozzarella possibly on a good day. Yoghurts, rice pudding are a big hit. Bowl of fruit (strawberries, raspberries, banana, grapes) yes, anything else such as mango no way. Dinner is the hardest. The only thing she will eat is fish fingers, waffles and possibly might get away with a few peas or broccoli but announced to me yesterday she doesn't like fish fingers anymore. So now im really stuck. She wont eat any meat or fish. Ive got sausages for her tonight but its anybodys guess as to whether she'll go for them. Baked potatoes/ sweet potatoes are off the list, she wont eat them anymore. I made salmon and cream cheese pasta the other day to which she told me in no uncertain terms "its smells horrible. I hate it". Not impressed as to the hate word shes picked up from somewhere. I don't say I hate things so god knows where shes heard that and thought ah that's a good word, I'll start using that to describe my utter dislike for the food mummy makes!!

Its beyond frustrating and ive been through a range of emotions with it all. Now when she says "im all finished" as soon as I put the plate down, I just say "i'd like you to try some" and if she flat out refuses i say "that's fine" in a very gentle tone and take it away and release her from her highchair. I wont make anything else and if shes hungry later and asks for a snack I say "well you will be hungry because you didn't eat your dinner did you?" I know shes having her milk at 6pm so im always hoping it will be enough to fill her up to get her to bed.

Ive found engaging her in the making of the food helps a bit but not always. She made her own pizza the other day for lunch, well we made it together and she ate it all as she was so happy with her creation and I bigged it up saying "oh look what you've made, well done. Youre a very good cook. We can tell daddy all about it when he comes home". Failing that, im stumped. Shes got her top back molars half through so im putting it down to teething and hoping she will bounce back!

GingerDoodle · 08/10/2014 14:38

My DD has just turned 2. She will generally eat 2 meals out of 3.

Weekends she gets what we are eating in miniature but during the week I am more lenient and often make stuff i know she will eat like:

Pasta
Pizza
Lasagne
Fish fingers
Fish pie
Steak pie
Sausages

Saying that all can be rejected for no apparent reason. She loves sweetcorn but other veg is very hit and miss. Potato produce is very very hit and miss.

I often worry but I was hideously overweight and had real food issues for childhood which didn't resolve until I was a teenager and met my husband so try to not fuss to much!

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