Non suitable friend???

[cleaninglady]

will try and keep this short!!
my dd (5 next week) has just started school and all is well except for the fact a neighbour of ours has a dd who we have got to be friends with over the summer - her mum has just started work and is working full time at the moment then will be part time - i have had her dd here on numerous occasions and I am also helping out whilst she is at work when i can (picking up from school etc) i do feel i am being taken advantage of a bit though and the little girl is a bit of a handful and my dd doesnt really like her that much although they do play well together on the odd occasion - this little girl is obviously looking for attention - her mum has two children with 2 dads and is living with her boyfriend so i think she is a bit confused about what is going on and since starting school has been dropped off and collected by various people helping out. She can be quite nasty though and ive spotted her jabbing her finger in my dds chest, pinching her or even hitting out. this morning was open day at school and she hit my dd in the line to go into class and my dd hit back - this little girl then told me that my dd had hit her!! i said stop arguing and go in nicely - we then observed the class and she deliberately sat directly in front of my dd virtually on her knee and then turned to me and said she wont let me sit down, then when i tried to say goodbye to my dd she asked me who was picking her up and got all whiney and clingy with me - ive had enough of it though although feel sorry for her as well - its parents evening in a few weeks and am thinking about mentioning something to teacher but dont want to get myself a reputation as a worrying mother already! any ideas..... sorry its long...

I think you need to put your DD first. I think you should tell the little's girl's mother exaclty waht you have said here - wrap it up diplomatically - and tell her you are letting her know becasue you think that her DD is upset at the arrangments, confused and looking for some support and encouragement because she feels insecure - the problem is she is asking for it by behaving badly. I would be as honest as you can for your DD's sake.

i can see exactly what is going on in that the little girl is looking at me as some sort of surrogate mother - always asking whoever does pick her up can she come in my car and then to my house - the trouble is they would let her so ive started to make things up so she cant! my dd needs quiet time at this stage as only just started reception full time and i also have ds aged 2 at home as well so am exhausted when im mediating between the two girls and my ds gets no attention! i might mention something when i see her next along the lines of her dd playing up when her dad dropped her off and maybe tell my dd to try and distance herself from her although i suspect that this mornings performance was for my benefit! thanks for responding

well, I know this won't be easy for you but I also think you really need to tell this mum how her arrangements are affecting her daughter. No wonder she acts the way she does, she is obviously a bit of a lost soul and insecure, and getting attention any way she can.

If it were me I know I'd feel awful about having to be blunt with the mum but I think the mum really needs to have it spelled out to her what the effects are on her child! If you don't tell her then she is likely to go along thinking all is fine!

If it were me I think i'd say to her that her dd's anxiousness is getting in the way of you having quality time with your own dd at drop off time which is important to your dd's ability to settle at school. Tell her you think the different people dropping off/picking up are making her dd anxious and unable to play nicely just now.

This might sound blunt but it is the truth as you have described it in your post - as a parent she MUST deal with the real situation her child is in!

There may be nothing she feels she can do about the full time thing at the moment but she needs to do SOMETHING to address the sitation, otherwise she will lose your help, won't she!

oh, and I meant to say definitely get advice from your reception teacher - explain that this situation has arisen and that you are finding it hard and actually want to be able to concentrate on your own dd at the drop off/pick up times.

I think I would ask that the teacher/assistant be available to take her dd off your hands at drop off time. This is all part of their job, settling in the children so they should be willing. And if they find she is monopolising their time, they may approach the mum themselves about her clinginess. Takes the heat off you a bit, maybe?

thanks for that - all wise words and will feel more comfortable now i know im not being unreasonable!! she is only full time for next 2 weeks so was tempted to let it go and just become "unavailable" as my dh is fed up of this girl being at ours and being cheeky and a handful but i see the vunerability underneath and am probably to sensitive to this but now its affecting my dd at school as well as at home its time to do something i think! have spoken with her mum lots of times over coffee about the girls and how she is struggling with her behaviour so hopefully it wont get her back up