Uncontrollable 3 year old

[EmmaGjoni]

hey, i am new to this website, i got referred here by a specialist.
to make me realise that i am not the only mother suffering with a naughty toddler,
i dont know where to start really, but i would love some advice for mothers whos had a second child and how the first child's behaviour was when your second child was born, i.e. jealousy, attention seeking etc..

my 3 year old girl has been potty trained for more than a year now, but the last few months she keeps weeing her self and pooping her self and not using the toilet, she knows where the toilet is, and knows how to use it perfectly fine, it dont even bother her if shes wet, she doesn't tell me till i go to check her or notice her trousers are all wet. my second child is 14 months old, and i don't treat them any different, they both get the same attention, i might even say that my daughter gets more attention from me and more treats, but i am baffled by her terrible behaviour, she hits and bites and pinches, and screams at her nursery carer and children.

did any of your children go through this when you had another baby? if so, how did you change their behaviour to better?

sorry for the long post. i am feeling so lost and don't know what to do.

thanks. x

How do you react when you elder child misbehaves? You need to be firm when she bites, pinches etc, tell her sternly that it's naughty & don't engage with her until she says sorry. Re the messing herself, it sounds like attention seeking? So I would clean her up, talk to her only about cleaning her up, nothing else while you are doing it, but otherwise ignore it. Don't give her any other attention at this time (good or bad) & hopefully she will stop doing it.

thank you for replying, i am stern with her and she knows when shes done wrong, we do have a naughty corner and reward chart.

Naughty corner reinforces the naughty behaviour by telling the child they are naughty. They believe it and behave accordingly. Try time out' or 'the thinking mat' instead. Same thing, different moniker.

Hey OP, sorry you're having a hard time. Try this website: ahaparenting.com. It makes really helpful reading throughout, that I think will help you to work out what is going on with your DD's emotions underneath her acting up, and suggest ways to reconnect with her.

Definitely have a look at this section about time outs, which may well be worsening her behaviour by isolating and upsetting her.
www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/timeouts

My dd1 went through a horrible phase after dd2 was born.

It is so counter intuitive but we got through it and resolved it by really not telling off for hitting or attention attracting behavior - but by being sympathetic, calming, and offering cuddles etc.

Children of age 3 and below really don't want to hurt others. They just are feeling angry or sad or overwhelmed and because they have no impulse control yet they lash out. Or throw stuff. etc. They really just need to know they are still your baby, that you still love them, and that it's going to be ok. "Naughty" behaviour at this age is them just showing they are hurting.

I make sure dd1 has at least 10 mins of focussed and totally led by her play a day, I make sure she has lots of physical attention, and I don't use the naughty step or similar.

She is now so so much better :)