pooping in pants only in school. desperate for advice

[jce1420]

firstly id like to say hi, im totally new to this I have 1 child and havnt posted before, im hoping to get some advice from other parents

my lg is nearly 5 and wont stop pooping her pants at school its currently twice in the 5 day school week. shes fully toilet trained at home. The school have been ok with it so far and they just sort her out but I can see its wearing thin with them aswel (which I don't blame, they are there to teach not to clean my child up) I ask her why and its the same thing over and over again "I forgot to go toilet, I wont do it again" then 2 days later it happens again. its starting to cause arguments between me and her dad aswel as he says its my fault im causing her to think its ok cus I wont shout at her for it or punish her. Everything I have read says not to punish but im starting to feel like it is the only thing left to do so she sees its not ok to do it, iv tried sticker charts, rewards, marble jar and its all spot on and perfect till shes at school.

any advice greatly received, Its really getting me down now

I agree that you a right not to punish her.

Is she anxious about going to the toilet at school for some reason? Is she afraid to ask or leaving it to late?

Have you talked to her teacher?

Yes second what vest says about anxiety - we had this but with wee's - turned out they have a hand drier in his loos at school, which he's terrified of.

How is she with number 1's? Is it just the poos that are the problem? Has the teacher tried reminding her?

I don't think shes afraid to ask as they don't have to ask they can just go, they have there own toilet attached to the classroom and shes managing the wee side of it. iv spoke to the teacher and they just said they think shes to into whatever shes doing and dsnt want to stop to go poop which I can understand but it doesn't make it less of a problem. she has 4 diff teachers aswel through the week and some are more helpful than others. :( iv asked today for a chance to see them all together so that whatever plan we come up with they all know about and follow and I was told "il get back to you IF its possible to get a meeting with all of them"

I would bypass the teachers if they are not being too helpful and go to your GP/nurse who can refer you to the school nurse. My sympathy, we are going through this with nearly 6yo DS2 and wees and I don't feel his teacher is fully on side yet.

DD2 has been withholding at school, absolutely no problem at home. Some poo in her knickers almost everyday (tiny bit), one huge accident. She was really upset to have been removed from school and missed her homework. She was refusing to go to the toilet for a poo at school (for unknown reasons, she can't talk very well) and was trying to hold it till home impossible for her.
After that huge accident, there was few more small ones (not called in by school). I have explain to her that it is important to go when she needs too otherwise her tummy will hurt, and children might be mean if she smells of poo all the time. Also told her that everybody needs to go, even HT and teachers. And that if something scares her in the toilet she should tell someone.
I promised chocolate button for every poo done at school. FX it seems to be working (3 days of rushing home and 2 days in school only mind you).

Definitely don't punished, accident happens to everyone IBS runs in the family

I don't think I have ever talked about poo in my entire life