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sons lack of tact

2 replies

peppajay · 02/10/2014 18:34

My son is 6 and he is exceptionally logical and he often hurts peoples feelings by his logic and lack of tact. He is often very very rude to people and will tell them what he thinks of them. He doesn't understand he is being rude and he thinks he is just pointing out the obvious. For example telling people they need to go to weight watchers, I have told him it is wrong and rude but he just doesn't get the meaning of rude if something is obvious to him he cant get how it can be rude to others- he is exceptionally observant and notices every little tiny thing. He is an excellent dog poo watcher and will really shout at people for not picking up poo - he has put two people in their place for letting their dog foul. He just doesn't understand the limits and what is acceptable and what isn't. He is a well behaved child and his last teacher called him Mr Sensible because she could rely on him to make the sensible choices but his lack of tact changes his whole behavior. For the record we think he has Aspergers but we decided against going for a formal diagnosis as since he started school his little quirks and obsessive behaviours have diminished a lot. Any advice on how to explain to him about how to be tactful he just doesn't get it. Thanks

OP posts:
Messygirl · 02/10/2014 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kleinzeit · 02/10/2014 20:57

You may have to accept that it will take him a long time to get to grips with tact, but there are some things you can do especially if you think he’s quite Aspie-ish. Try looking up "social stories" which are a good way to explain how to behave in different social situations. You can write your own or there are lots of different examples online that you could adapt. Start teaching him that certain things are rude or hurtful even if they are true, but don’t be angry or punish him, just keep telling him, because he really doesn’t “get it”; and also that he doesn’t have to say everything that he thinks. Be very specific with lots of concrete examples and repetition, as he may struggle to apply general rules. And it may be useful to teach him the idea of the “white lie” – that it is OK not to say certain things because they would be unkind.

It’s quite common for kids with ASCs to act as the “rule police”. You might find some of the suggestions in The Unwritten Rules of Friendship helpful , especially the chapter on the “Different Drummer”.

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