Anyone else at wits' end with toddler?? Empathy thread!

[BotBotticelli]

Gah DS1 (22mo) is driving me BONKERS.

He is such a handful. Spends a lot of his day whining and crying. Wants me to play with him nonstop. Which I do - he gets lots of positive attention, creative play etc. And he goes to nursery 4 days a week which he loves and is very happy there.

Each day is punctuated by a series of battles and meltdowns that I dread: changing his nappy, brushing his teeth, leaving the house, returning to the house, bathing him, drying him, teeth again, nappy and PJs on. Much worse on non-nursery days and at weekends obviously! God I love my office atm :(

Every single one of the above activities is a massive battle which results in me having to wrestle him to the floor, after cajoling, making a game out of it, persuasion and mild bribery have failed.

I feel like I am out of control and have no idea how to claw back any kind of authority in my own house! he is very bright, huge vocab and a good talker, wilful and super-spirited (always has been since a tiny baby check my previous threads) but this is a new low!

I know some people say toddlers can't be 'naughty" but I swear he is!! he understands the concept of a time-out/naughty step (he role plays it with his cars....he puts his little van on the naughty step because he as crashed into the little digger for example) but it seems to have little or no effect when I do it with him (have recently started trying this out of desperation even though he is probably not old enough). Things which I have repeatedly asked/told him not to do (running off down our drive towards the road when I am trying to get him in the car for exampe) he does whilst laughing and RAISING HIS EYEBROWS at me with a look of pure defiance on his face!!!

Not expecting any real solutions but some hand holding and empathy would be lovely. I am on ADs after suffering with PND when he was a little baby and although I feel SO much better in myself these days, I swear he would try the patience of a saint.

Anyone else going through this??

I have similar from week to week with my 3.8 year old.

She talks well (has an extensive vocabulary), is keen to learn (always asking questions), and is growing rapidly - physically and mentally. I think that these things are all related. Like your DS, she is wilful.

She goes to nursery 2 days a week and has a wonderful time, but on days at home, I can't provide the stimulation she needs. She can run around in the garden (enclosed) and let off steam, and she does a lot of creative play, but it seems that she needs to constantly flex and test limits of everything.

I now try to be more disassociated with unwanted behaviour. If she shouts at me, I walk away. If she hits me, she is put in her room. If she throws things, those are taken away for two days. If she refuses to get dressed, so be it.

When we go out, I take reins. If she tries running off, the reins go on.

When she behaves well, I make sure I heap on the praise, and I do my best to ensure we have plenty of cuddles throughout the day.

My 2.4 yr old DD is very wilful and an absolute handful. Im a sahm and find it very intense. She wont listen or do as shes told. I cant use reins as she wont let me hold them. Nothing seems to phase her. If I tell her off, shes not bothered and just carries on doing what she was doing. The only thing that she hates is being put in the naughty corner which is where she goes after a 1,2,3 warning.

In terms of teeth brushing, yes been there with that dreaded twice a day activity. I have found the solution though after many months of battles. The aquafresh app- life saver. We don't have any trouble with teeth brushing now as she loves watching the little man and dressing him when shes done.

Nappy changes were dreadful for a long, long time but recently shes got a lot better and voluntarily goes to her mat and tells me she wants her nappy changing. Its just an age thing I think. Shes got more understanding about having a dirty nappy and wanting a new one, rather than running off or kicking me.

Tantrums- they were pretty full from 13 mths, really ramping up around 18-24 mths but she seems a bit more settled now in this area. She still has her moments but they seem to be more short lived than they were.

I feel out of control with her behaviour sometimes and its totally exhausting being 26 wks pregnant running around after her and pulling her into line behaviour wise. My main issue is she just doesn't listen to me and its so draining I could scream some days!

Time out won't be a consequence he's bothered by. He's too young! I would say, pick your battles. He might be tired - 4 days of nursery is tiring (my dd gets tired after a morning)

Also try telling him what he should do not what he shouldn't.

So use a sing song voice, e.g. "come on ds, walk here, look at this etc" not "don't do this or that". Distract him e.g. have a look at this, who can do x the fastest. It seems naff but it is generally effective.

My DS is 23 months and it can be like this - we seem to alternate brilliant weeks and then awful, awful AWFUL tantruming, screaming, not eating weeks.

There seems to be some big developmental leaps around this time, which might be a contributing factor. They're too little for time out etc, all I can do is attempt to calmly and consistently reinforce that hitting is not nice.

As someone in the middle of it all I can suggest is to pick your battles, and try to stay calm/think of bigger perspective. Some days will be very very challenging. However other days will be easy and lovely..... Try and roll with it as best you can. I don't think your DS is knowingly, maliciously trying to upset you or be naughty - their brains are just haywire at the moment, like teenagers I reckon....

I'm sure you're doing much better than you give yourself credit for.

Just using hitting there as an example - that's the thing we have the biggest problem with.

It's very very very hard I know but try and stay calm, ensure you are well rested. DS can instantly pick up if I'm irritable and it makes things much much worse, we wind each other up.

Try and think of the positives.... Does he sleep?

I can honestly say I've not found much difference in the behaviour of a toddler/3 year old, teenager and person with cognitive impairment/dementia: logic and seeing someone else's viewpoint are not on the agenda.

Definitely second keeping calm. Rest as and when (I wish we could return to the days of afternoon naps), top up with snacks (carrot sticks/rice cakes are good) and just roll with it.

Thanks so much guys, nice to hear I am not the only one! Somtimes it feels very lonely, none of my other baby friends in RL seem to have whirlwind/wilful/rambunctious toddlers.

Yes, thinking about the positives is a very good idea: he does sleep very well. 7.15pm - 0630am every night and only wakes really when ill or teething. So I do get a ful night's sleep which is amazing and I am very grateful for this.

But he only naps for 1 hour per day after lunch (he has always needed less sleep than average for his age, so this is pretty good for him), so I have 11 hours of this tornado of destruction and 'naughtiness' all day. Littlepink you deserve a medal - I don't know how SAHM's get through the week. I have quite a stressful job but honestly it's a walk in the park compared to looking after DS!

Realise this all sounds very negative - i love him to pieces, he is amazing and the more challenging aspects of his personality have some wonderful flipsides: he is FEARLESS and adventurous, confident, chatty, and makes me laugh a lot. I love watching him discover the world around him.

Am hanging on to the hope this is some kind of developmental thing and he will settle down again soon....

I am really really struggling. My ds is 3 in a couple of weeks and is so willful. He is verbally pretty advanced but doesn't understand as much as he says. He gets frustrated with the others at nursery and then shouts and hits. Just when I think he is making tiny steps forward something else seems to develop. Every day at nursery recently there has been something and now they are saying that he is defiant and won't do as he is told and then shouts and has a tantrum.
I know they have lots of other children to deal with too and so he needs to conform.
He is just so open and loud about the way he acts out that everything gets picked up. He doesn't sleep there either whereas at home he still does about 90 minutes in the afternoon. Added to that the staff keep changing around and he has only been in bye preschool section for 6 weeks,
On the positive side he can be truly wonderful, very articulate, caring, cuddles, laughs and great fun.
I have spent the last few weeks either joyous in the times with me when it's good or sitting on my own sobbing about it. Not sure how much more I can take and am terrified that he is not normal!! Help!

Has anyone read 'the happiest toddler on the block'? Really good strategies for understanding toddlers and using the knowledge to tackle tantrums. I've used it since he was 12 months as tantrums started early (v wilful, spirited etc etc)

Worth a shot