3.8 year old spitting, hitting and pushing at pre-school

[brisitshbakeoffblues]

My son used to be an angel at preschool.
We had a big upheaval last year, when me and his dad split up. Unfortunately, his dad has refused to continue a relationship with my son, despite my attempts to keep the relationship going.
Since about Christmas, his behaviour at preschool has started to deteriorate. He hits, kicks, pushes and has now started to spit at children.
He is pretty well behaved at home, we do have the odd problem which we deal with using time out and a "naughty spot". At preschool, they use time out but stay with him and talk to him. He often says he did what he did because "they looked at me", although today, he mentioned his dad while they were talking to me.
He was assessed by a SENCO today (on a very bad day as it happens!) and she has suggested I take him to see the GP.
I have told him that his dad has moved and I don't know where he is - which is true. I've also told him that his dad is cross with me, and is being silly but hopefully he will stop being silly and then he can see him, but I don't know if he will or when it will be. I have told him it is no one else's fault except his dad's. We used to speak to his dad on the phone but his dad NEVER made any attempt to contact him - it was always from our side.
Even when we were still together, he wasn't massively interested in my son and did say, 2 years before we split, that if we did spilt he was unlikely to bother keeping in contact with his son. He has said things like "he will just hold me back" and "I don't care if I never see him again" via email.
I don't initiate conversation about his dad but try and talk to him about it if he brings it up in an age appropriate way.
Can anyone suggest how we can move on or who we should see to sort this problem?

This is really hard. You have I think two separate issues here. One is the fact that his Dad has gone and the other is either his reaction to that or it's due to some underlying issue which could have come about even with his Dad still at home.

Do take him to the doctor. If he is finding himself getting overwhelmed at preschool, he could have some sensory issues.

That's when some children (and adults) find it very hard to cope with certain sense related stuff...often noise or texture/touch.

These days we understand far more about this type of thing and there is help available.

Is your DS "fussy" at all about his clothing or food or noises? I have sensory issues and when I hear for example a handryer or a siren it's almost painful to me.

My temper often goes when I am surrounded by noise.

Oh..you don't have to take your son with you to the first visit to the GP...go alone and discuss him freely. The GP will make another appointment for you to see someone else if they think it necassary.

He hates being shouted at and cries saying it hurts his ears....he dislikes hand dryers in toilets and noisy cars/motorbikes.
But most of the time, he's really loud himself!! He shouts a lot and we have to ask him to quieten down, even in normal conversation.
I did take him to the doctors to check his adenoids/ears etc but I have changed surgery and am planning on taking him to the new doctors too.
His behaviour at home is, on the whole, pretty good but AWFUL at preschool.

his reasoning for being violent to other kids is that "they looked at me" or "they touched me".....

Ah. That seems like a very important thing to look at baked. Poor DS. His own voice won't affect him in the same way as outside noises if he has sensory issues.

Go to the GP and make an appointment to have his ears checked but also discuss the issues you're having and tell the doctor about his sensory problems...explain about the noise issues and his reactions at preschool.

Do it as soon as possible because there are waiting lists for help and for appointments with specialists.xxx Try to get things straight before he starts school.

this is what Im trying to do - he has a SALT appt coming up in the next few weeks as he dribbles A LOT - which is why I was wondering about his adenoids.
I will go and see the GP and speak to them - I know it's not wax as the GP said his ears were clear.
Thanks :)

gosh, when you start thinking about it, things start to pop up - he's really funny about what clothes he will wear and prefers loose comfy things like jogging bottoms but complains if I try and put him in tight trousers. His dad was the same and wouldn't wear certain t shirts because they drove him mad.......
HUM!!!!

(and I don't mean trousers that are too tight, I mean jeans that aren't really baggy and soft like normal legged jeans)