Bad behaviour at school, no solution in sight...

[yippeekiyay2]

Sorry for the long post first of all!
Hi all, our dd is 5 and 3/4, she is now in Y1 at school. Last year she had some behaviour issues which mainly come down to her answering back, not backing down when the teacher tells her off, which led to her being sent to the office a couple of times and the suggestion that they may seek outside help to "squash the behaviour" as the head put it .
Anyway she generally had a good end to the year and had managed to turn it around by then.
This year there was an incident in the second week where she was sent to the office because she was doing the same things as before, and also because the teacher has an issue with her picking her nose all the time (we know she does this it has become a habit and almost impossible to stop her doing) which now that the teacher has brought it to the attention of the rest of the class they are starting to comment on it now . Not convinced they would do the same thing if it was thumb sucking, for example, but there you go...
Anyway today she has been told off in assembly for playing with another child's hair, then talking loudly and refusing to move to be next to the teacher. She has also then screamed at the teacher that she is bored and then because she nipped another child (although she does claim she was nipped first) she was sent out of a special pshe style lesson in the afternoon (when a child nipped her and she had a mark on her arm they were just told to sit on the carpet the other week). You may have guessed from my comments that I'm not convinced there is consistency in the punishments here but anyway, they have supposedly engaged the services of a SAT without informing us and this teacher suggested strategies (again, which we haven't been told about) and is coming to observe dd next week and we're supposed to have a meeting to discuss the strategies that we know nothing about! I need to contact the SENCO re this because I;m not happy about the lack of information, but also because I feel that if they have engaged an outside agency then there should be an IEP in place and some POSITIVE reinforcement, and I;m just not seeing any of that. Both me and dp work in education so we're aware of how it all works but I just feel sick about it all - she can be naughty at home - what 5 yr old can't?? but usually she is lovely, and she is also very bright, which the school acknowledge, so there is not a learning problem. I feel upset again writing this because I just don't know what the school want us to do?! and I feel like she is going to end up labelled as the naughty girl and can't do right for doing wrong iyswim...

I would hope over to the special needs board and repost as there is a lot of knowledge over there.... :)

But also... as a starting point I'd want a paper trail from here on in as it sounds as though you may need it.

Firstly, if they are engaging outside services etc and you haven't been officially asked/told, who is saying what? What actual communication have you had with school? Presumably you must have had some sort of meeting regarding your DD's behaviour last year.. what was agreed? If no IEP, why not? That's where I would start. I'd request a meeting with teacher, senco and anyone else who is already involved and make a fresh start... a documented fresh start at that... ie do they feel she needs an IEP, does she need a behaviour management plan (we call them positive behaviour management plans in my school) . They should ask your opnions and you should listen to theirs, and take it from there. What sort of positive reinforcement do you envisage? Write down ideas to take with you as you know what might work best!

On the other hand it also sounds as though you need to keep an objective head too.. your DD is displaying disruptive, challenging and aggressive behaviour.. year 1 children do know not to bite, or scream at teachers and being bright is not an excuse for being a pita in class so it is good that they are concerned and seeking input I would say.

Talk to them, start a paper trail and try to assume they are wanting to help, not label. My own DD1 was very much as you describe.. and in yr 1 she was assessed by the paeds, eventually dx with ADHD, went on meds and never looked back. She was also very bright indeed and got bored easily, but the right teachers channelled her and she is now in her final year at medical school, (still medicated for her ADHD) and as far as I know hasn't bitten anyone for years Her A level chemistry teacher did once shut her in his cupboard for ten minuted to give himself a break however.....!!!!!

Good luck!

Hi medusa thanks for the response. I should clarify that by nip I mean pinch, she hasn't ever bit anyone in nursery or school so luckily this has never been an issue. We had a meeting last year when the school said they might refer to external help at a later stage, but then never actually told us they had - the first we knew was when we got a letter inviting us to discuss how the intervention was working. I plan to ask at the meeting about an iep/ behaviour plan and to find out what strategies they have been using and suggest things if appropriate. I guess what disturbs me is nothing has been recorded anywhere to our knowledge but maybe this year that will change. She has a home school book as of today and she had a very good day and was sent to get a sticker for good work. This is the sort of positive reinforcement I used to do as a teacher and didn't happen last year so I am more hopeful today.
Interesting you say about your dd, great achievements she has made so far btw, I have looked into some conditions but not ADHD so will have to look into that thanks.