Hi mums, I’m new here but really needing some advice or at least some outside eyes….
I am wondering if my 4 year old is suffering from some form of anxiety or depression, particularly obvious in his response to other people - meaning other than my husband, myself and his younger brother, 18m. With just us he is chatty, overly confident, though is certainly not afraid of pushing the boundaries and throwing the occasional tantrum. But he is also well mannered and thoughtful. The problem lies when we are around other people, generally extended family. He is grouchy, rude, does not want to speak to them, ignores them and is basically unpleasant. He spends the time either avoiding interaction or looking for ways to misbehave to get a reaction. When I have tried to ask him why he does this, he says he is shy. Funny thing is, at Reception he actually is incredibly shy, and while fine with a small group of friends he will not speak to the teacher (but not rudely, purely bashful and tongue tied) or in front of the large group unless he is really made to. There are days where he doesn’t make a peep.
We did have a big life change earlier this year, with our family relocating across the country. My son left my parents, uncle and cousin of similar age who were part of his weekly life, who he loved spending time with. We then moved in with my inlaws for 6 months while we found our footing in our new place and, while nice enough people, have no patience for young children and quite often ignore my son when he speaks to them. My son was under very strict house rules (after having free reign of the house and garden at our old place) and was constantly having orders barked at him. My sister who also lives nearby is always happy to see them but grows obviously bored with the interaction quickly. When we first arrived this was a big shock for him and I cant help but wonder how much this has affected him. The rudeness started out just directed to my inlaws, but it now seems to be continuing to all extended family and often just general visitors.
I suppose I am just after some advice! It worries me that he is not as carefree and happy as most kids his age. I feel as though we are letting him down! Is he spiteful that the life he loved changed? Has he lost all respect for adults from the way my inlaws treated him? Is it just the shyness? Or is he just being a rude four year old. He used to be so happy to socialize with family and was always well mannered... not sure where things have gone wrong exactly but I just want him to be happy. And as the icing on the cake people are left thinking and, I'm sure, talking about what a naughty and rude little boy he is when we know that deep down he is not at all..