Naughtiness following nursery days

[LittleMissRayofHope]

Dd is 2.2 and goes to nursery Monday and Tuesdays. She is a happy well behaved little girl. Polite and talkative. Obedient and generally quite good.
As then she started nursery. And the behaviour is unbearable. She comes home and after about 20 mins it's throwing kicking hitting shouting yelling. Time out no longer works as she just gets up and walks off. Can put her back countless times. If she insists on throwing or kicking her toys I take them away so then I have the ensuing tantrum cos now that the ONLY toy she wants but can't have.
The nursery give glowing reports. She's one of the best behaved kids there. Weds is a horrible day. I spend the whole day telling her off, putting her in time out. Removing toys and food and all sorts. Thursday, Friday Saturday the behaviour lessons and sunday I have my daughter back. Then Monday the monster reappears. I can't handle it. She goes to nursery to give me a break as I have a new born aswell (we don't think the naughtiness and bad behaviour is to do with the baby) and to give her time away from me and time with other kids etc but the little nightmare that returns and then the 2/3 days of battle to correct her behaviour are just exhausting.

I realise she is seeing other kids bahve this way and is just copying but how long u til she underatands that I won't accept it and she has to leave that bahaviour at nursery. Why is she acting out at home only?
How am I supposed to cope with this???

Sounds like over tiredness to me. A snack on pickup & early bedtime may help.

My DD is 3.5 and is exactly the same. She has been at nursery for 4 weeks and it is gradually getting better. She is very well behaved and it is tiredness when I get her with a little bit of not wanting to come home, I think.

I second the snack and early bedtime and try to take it easy on a Wednesday maybe?

Another vote for tiredness and hunger. Give her a snack as soon as you pick her up and sit cuddling her until she feels she has the energy to do something else.

Can she maybe go on a Monday and Thursday so that she doesn't have 2 days of nursery and then 5 days at home again but it's more spread out?

Does she sleep at nursery? If not perhaps ask them to try and encourage her to take a nap during the day as copy the other snoozers

She has a nap, but it's half what she usually has at home.
I wondered about tiredness but then the continued behaviour on Wednesday made me think otherwise.
I tried to get seperate days but this was all they could give us.

They tell me each day that she has a am snack, lunch (often 2 servings) and a pm snack so hungar would surprise me but maybe she is just so active on these days that she burns it right off?

Thanks for advice, I just struggle with it cos it's not her and it makes me sad!! Want my happy good girl back

I could have written this myself. DD does a single half day and is awful when she comes home. Today we've had shouting, hitting, throwing and major tantrums. I don't know what to do, she's lovely at nursery. It takes a few days to get her back to normal.

My daughter is similar, but it's purely tiredness.

You have to remember that nursery is physically tiring and they do sleep less. But they are also mentally exhausted, huge mental leaps and social developments are made in those days. My friend (educational psychologist) pointed this out to me after having a very similar conversation with her.

The only thing to do is rest and feed more that evening and the next day. She will get more used to it soon, but will periodically have phases like it as she develops suddenly again.

Be kind to yourselves.

I don't have experience of this age, but I have noticed that my baby (9.5m) is very whiny and grumpy after over stimulating situations. She is sunny and adaptable and smiley during the period she's with other people being over-stimulated (eg full-on extended family holiday, being passed round lots) but then when I get her back I get a clingy whingy baby. It's like she uses all her resources to cope with the new situation, and then when she is back with me and safe she lets out the pent-up frustration. Could that be what's going on with your little girl? Maybe the attempts to discipline her are making her feel more distant from you when what she wants really is closeness and familiarity? She doesn't understand that certain behaviour should be left at nursery. She's just expressing a difficult set of emotions in the only way available to her.

Too much control at nursery leads to release of stress once home free!

Best let her get it all out!

Just give her lots of love, which you clearly do.

X

Exactly the same here - same age, and in her third week of nursery. It's slowly getting better though. I think it's the tiredness (she no longer naps), having to share things with DS when she gets home, and just generally the change to her week of going to nursery some mornings. I too really need the break as have 15 month old too and both want all of me all of the time and fight constantly.

Mind you I hear the same from parents with kids in reception / year 1...I think it's just really tiring and full on for them and as parents we are the ones who get the worst of it whilst nursery / school get the best.

My DD can be the same. I think it's partly to do with tiredness but also agree with the PP who said that being "good" and obedient all day at nursery can be wearing for little ones. Home is the place they can let their hair down and have a bit of a release. What time do you collect your DD? I find a trip to the park on the way home to run around like a loon can help blow away the cobwebs or sometimes we go the other way and just veg out and cuddle in front of Cbeebies - sometimes with a picnic tea in front of the TV (which is usually not allowed). I also try to give her a bit more choice/ control on those nights i.e do you want a bath or just a wash if you're tired tonight. I have definitely seen an improvement by going down this route.

What you're describing here is really familiar to parents of children with Autism (not that I'm suggesting in the slightest that your child has it) because it's a response to being in an overwhelming environment.

Nursery, especially in the first few months, can be a challenging environment for any child. The constant social interaction, trying to read body language and predict responses, the effort of remembering rules and worrying about what may happen if you break them, greatly increased sensory input and a requirement to regulate and conceal your own emotional responses can be massively stressful and utterly mentally exhausting for a child. She can't just climb on your knee for a cuddle and a bit of down time while she's there so there is no respite for her just now.

That stress has to come out somehow. A well behaved child who cannot let it out in the nursery environment has to save it up and may well let it out over the next day or so at home. She may also be spending the next couple of days processing some of the events she's seen or experienced and be experiencing some of that stress again. She might explore those events through her play with small world toys or dolls when that is happening.

Because your DD is NT, she will soon learn the social skills and coping strategies she needs to get her through the day and, as she builds relationships with the staff, she will find ways of getting short bursts of respite, cuddles, stories, one to one activities and these times will relieve the stress for her.

This isn't her bringing home bad behaviour she's seen. This is her processing and expressing her emotions about her experiences and the challenges she faces in nursery. She still needs to know when her behaviour isn't acceptable but you can also help by making fewer demands on her at this time, having quite a predictable routine without too much sensory input or too many social demands, i.e. quieter times at home with just close family doing regular activities so she knows what's coming next.

It does take children a long time to truly settle into early years settings but it will get better as she begins to feel more relaxed there.