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worried about my grandson

11 replies

grannysmith777 · 29/09/2014 13:38

Hello all, first time poster, as I think there may be a problem with my 4 year old step-grandson. Or I might be wildly over-reacting, so I thought I'd seek advice.

A few months ago, whilst visiting me, my GS whispered 'I've seen people sexing on the telly'. I thought it was odd, that a child that age might watch such adult things, or use the word 'sexing', but as his mother clearly heard him, I said nothing.

A few days ago, I heard his mother (separated from the father) whisper to his Dad 'He came in the bedroom with a 'hard on' and said he wanted to have sex'. They laughed about this, but I found it very, very odd.

Firstly, how does a 4 year old child know the word 'sex' in that context, and secondly, that a penis is for anything but having a wee?

He visits his father at weekends. His father shares a house with a recently released ex-con (I know, I'm being judgemental and jumping to all sorts of conclusions just there). I'm arriving at the theory, rightly or wrongly, that there is adult material on the TV while he's there. And they are allowing him to view it. Encouraging it, even.

What worries me further is that my step daughter has just had a little girl, to the same man.

Her father and I are at a loss as to what to do. Should we do anything? My SD is not the type to take advice easily, and any perceived criticism would mean us not seeing the kids. My GS has only recently started school, so hasn't picked the 'sexing' word up from there. Maybe he's heard older kids talking? Or is it just normal curiosity?

I'd be grateful to hear other people's thoughts on this, thanks.

OP posts:
BillStickersIsInnocent · 29/09/2014 18:04

I remember when I was small we all talked about 'sexing', usually in response to people kissing (urgggh Jane is sexing Rodney, for example). So I don't think that's unusual. I also don't think it's unusual for a 4 year to know what parts of the body are for, my 4 year does.

I do think his mum's reaction is a little odd though, a comment like that from my 4 year would set alarm bells ringing. Also that he's talked about seeing it on the telly.

Hopefully someone will be along soon who has expertise in this. I would do something I think, better to annoy your step daughter than walk away from a potentially abusive situation. Good luck.

grannysmith777 · 29/09/2014 23:24

Many thank for that. It's time to have a word with her.

OP posts:
SpearmintLino · 29/09/2014 23:35

I would be very worried too, OP. Someone - or something - is influencing his thoughts in a deeply troubling way. I am worried for him; this is not something a boy of his age should have any knowledge of.

BillStickersIsInnocent · 30/09/2014 06:38

OP could you try talking it through with the NSPCC helpline? They will be able to advise how to approach this.

Number is 0808 800 5000 for adults concerned about a child's welfare.

Only1scoop · 30/09/2014 06:42

Op I can see why you are worried this is awful to read....

Agree with prev post ring and get advice ASAP

Iggly · 30/09/2014 06:43

Call nspcc or social services.

Givemecaffeine21 · 30/09/2014 09:09

Sounds wrong to me. Agree with others - ring NSPCC or SS for advice.

capecath · 30/09/2014 13:34

For a 4-year-old to even know about sex to that extent and his parents' response I would certainly find concerning... Perhaps if there were older siblings around he may have picked something up? But then I wouldn't expect the parents to be laughing it off but talk to him about it. Perhaps they don't realise the affect what they are watching is having on him (or they just don't care)? I would definitely try and raise your concern gently with them. At least to try and discern what there thoughts are, rather than really letting them know too directly you think they're wrong in their approach.

DeWee · 30/09/2014 15:19

The first one wouldn't worry me on my own. Children pick up words without necessarily knowing what they're talking about. One of mine (aged 10yo) said something that made me realise that she thought kissing was making babies.

The second one rings huge alarm bells to me. I would probably ask for help before approaching his parents as going in the wrong way might just drive anything underground (eg they say to him "don't talk about sex" so he feels he can't tell them about any abuse)

For picking up from school, it's possible, but unlikely at that age. As I said, my 10yo thought sex was kissing, and my 7yo thinks "sexy" means naked. If he has picked it up at school, then the school needs to know as it can only have come from a child who needs help. So another way to approach it could be contacting the school, I suppose, but unless you have contact with the school it seems a bit of a leap.

grannysmith777 · 01/10/2014 10:42

Thanks for the advice, everyone. While I'm relieved I don't feel I'm blowing things out of proportion, I can see I'll have to take steps to at least find out the source of the problem. The first incident in itself didn't worry me too much, but then the second one really did make me concerned. Even if he's picked this up from older kids outside, it's extremely worrying as to what is going on. He plays at a neighbours where there are older boys (teenagers), so that might be the problem. I don't know, I guess the worst case scenario buzzes through your head instead of the simple explanations.

They'll be up with the new baby at weekend. I'll see if I can have a word with his Mum. And I'll take advice from the NSPCC.

Many thanks, again.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 01/10/2014 22:32

Op

You are not over reacting to any of this at all....I have a 4 year old and it would shock me to the core. I can understand your worry. Hope the nspcc can advise you asap.

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