18mo deliberately pooing at night?

[MrsUnderwood]

The last couple of days, my DD has started fighting bedtime and woken up crying at about 5am. I'd usually be able to settle her back easily but now she seems to be fully awake and tantrumming that I won't get her out of her cot.

I've been trying controlled crying to deal with it without any success. What is also happening is that when I go and check on her after the first 5/10 min of CC, I find that she's done a very big poo. I don't know if she's waking & crying because she knows she needs a poo, or if she's getting so upset she's spontaneously pooing herself, or if she's pooing deliberately because she knows I'll have to get her out and change her.

Does anyone have any insight on this and ideas on how to deal with the waking? During the day she seems her normal happy self, have no concerns. She eats healthily, is active, we have a regular bedtime routine.

Doubt it is deliberate. It doesn't matter anyway as you will still have to change it. Explain to her whilst changing that it is still sleepy time. Change her and put her back in. Do you have a lullaby toy she likes that she can have for going back to bed? Also it may be she needs to start having a shorter day time nap.

My DS always poos if I leave him in his cot, he is not crying but I think it is to do with standing up straining to get out of the cot. I think they are far too young to do it on purpose. The only way I deal with it is to not leave the room, no idea about the early waking though I'm afraid, DS has always got up at 5 sadly!

Sounds like she wakes up because she needs a poo... 5am is actually not that early for 18 month olds.

I would say that if she is getting so upset she is spontaneously pooing that is too upset and, without passing judgment, you probably shouldn't be leaving her to get that upset. I can only say this as a stranger on the internet - no offence meant, just my opinion.

I doubt it is deliberate, but is she potty trained in the day?

I'd imagine it's because she needs a poo. Would second another on the daytime nap suggestion, too.

No offense taken! She does get pretty upset but I don't think there's anything I can do to stop her crying other than giving in and getting her up for the day- and I'm worried that'll make things worse in the long run as she'll expect it all the time,same as letting her come in with me and DH.

She used to sleep from around 7:45pm til 6:15am. The 5am poo is new, she very rarely did a poo after she went to bed previous to now.

I agree it's pretty unlikely that she's doing it deliberately, she isn't potty trained (although she can tell me she needs to poo or has done a poo). I change her quietly and calmly and put her back down to bed and she kicks off again as soon as she goes back in the cot. She does have a soft toy she goes to bed with that I always give her but it doesn't make any difference.

Her nap is usually between 1 -2 hours long depending on the day (she goes to a CM 2 days and her naps tend to be shorter there). Is 2 hours too long?

I'd say that the nap is too long.
My DD is similar in terms of refusing bedtimes and has been since about 18 months, and we discovered she goes down far easier with no nap in the day. If she has 10 minutes she is up til 10pm!

I'm not certain that getting her up would actually teach her anything, to be honest. I don't think the "making a rod for your own back" applies - she's not trying to manipulate you, she is just awake, that's all! (again no offence meant)

We had a similar kind of thing until I finally realised I had a mental block about the time, as DD can't read a clock - to her, she wakes up and it's morning - simple. A bit older and she started to understand that when the radio comes on (alarm clock radio) that's when we get up, so if it was quiet in the house, she knew it was still sleeping time. By that stage she was in a bed and used to come snuggle up with me and doze (although I can see you're not a fan of that) until the radio came on. That worked for us and our family but she was 2 by then. and we have a massive superking bed for that very reason

Nah nap isnt too long. If you cut it back she'll just end up overtired. Nor is the poo thing deliberate. My guess is she's just doing it because she's woken up for the day.

Google 18 month sleep regression - its a stage of huge developmental leaps & very common to have sleep problems (typically fighting bedtime and early rising) for a while as she goes through it. So unfortunately its probably a case of grit your teeth & ride it out for a while. Cc is unlikely to do anything to help (imo).

The only other thing you may need to look at changing is her nap time. I found with ds that early waking was often a sign he needed a slightly later naptime. Around that age we had to shift it to start at 1pm instead of 12.30 & that sorted the early waking out. So if your dd usually goes down at 12.30 or earlier I'd try slowly stretching that out a bit, 5mins at a time if she struggles & it should help.

Every child is different, so maybe have a go at changing the nap time and see what happens. :)

All the advice everyone's put has been really great, so thank you all. I think people who have mentioned developmental changes are spot on, she seems to have leapt forward massively in the last few weeks in terms of her speech and things she can do. Now I know it's normal and there's likely bugger-all I can do except stay calm and ride it out, I actually feel a lot better about it.

I'm going to try and shorten her nap and maybe move it to just after lunchtime to see if that helps.

I wouldn't actually mind her coming in with us (we co-slept til she was around 9-10 month's old) if her preferred sleeping position wasn't right on top of me, delicately balanced on my bladder and larynx! If I can get her to lie next to me I'd be happy with it .