Tricky times with my 4 year old

[Girlsville]

Dd1 is 4.5 years old and we are having some really tricky times with her. In the last few weeks she has reverted to acting like a two year old at times, she is clingy, emotional, crying and screaming is she doesn't get her way, not letting me leave the room without crying etc. rude, defiant but then at other times she is an Angel! I appreciate that she is probably unsettled at the money, we had dd3 6 weeks ago, she started reception 3 weeks ago, but it is making life at home very difficult for all of us. We are trapped in a negative cycle and although I am trying my best to be patient, phrase, reward the good etc i am on a short fuse as tired from my newborn and from deali g with dd2. This morning when the nanny arrived to give them breakfast dd1 had a total meltdown when I went upstairs to get ready so that I could take her and dd2 to school - there is always something with her.

Any tips how to get out of this? I just want my gorgeous little girl back! As this is making everyone so sad. I don't want to have to tell her off all the time :(

She might be thinking That darned baby! How many more siblings do I need to compete with? How was she with DC2 when she arrived on the scene?

Can appreciate that you must be exhausted. But I think you need to win her back round with lots of attention and encouragement. Utilise the nanny as much as you can. If DD1 pesters for your total and absolute attention be loving but firm about no whining and yelling. Nothing wrong getting her to wait until you have done x or y but keep your promises. Maybe instigate a special ten-fifteen minute slot at a convenient time of day just you and her 1:1? She wants to know you still love her and haven't forgotten her.

A small tip - just you and her, a special sequence maybe kiss on each cheek and pat on the head or a high five with a particular phrase when you say goodbye. Something you don't carry out with your younger DDs.

I've only got 2 children, so am sure you know much more than I do about this but my ds1 was really naughty when dc2 was born. To start with I felt really frustrated (and exhausted too from lack of sleep. The extra work he was creating was infuriating!) but I realized after a while he was just really insecure and wanted my attention - good or bad. So instead of getting really cross with him when he was naughty, I'd try to minimise it. He did things like pull his clothes out the wardrobe and then wee all over them! So I'd just say, "oh dear, you've had an accident. Try to make it to the toilet in time next time." And them I gave him lots of cuddles. I think he hated the thought that I thought he was having accidents when it was actually on purpose. He just needed lots of reassurance from me. He was younger than your daughter - almost 3, but as soon as I gave him lots of bugs and attention he stopped the naughtiness and was back to his normal self within a couple of weeks.

It must be really hard for your daughter that she's starting school so soon after a new baby. Do you think she feels pushed out? And hard for you too. I feel for you.