4 year old daughter scared of men - any tips?

[Enchancia]

Over the last few months my DD(4) has become scared of men. She has a male swimming teacher and is point blank refusing to go in the water with him, crying and saying she doesn't like him 'because he is a boy'. Similar situation with one of her nursery school teachers who is male, and any other men she encounters, e.g. friends of the family / parents of her nursery school friends. There are a few exceptions to this (her dad, grandfathers and other male relatives who she knows really well). Has anyone else had this sort of situation and if so how did you deal with it / what would be helpful to say or do? Is it likely to just be a phase? I'm 100% sure there is nothing sinister going on - no possibility that she has been abused etc - it just seems to have come out of nowhere. Any thoughts would be welcome!

My first thought would have been that some sort of abuse had been going on, so I'm glad to see you are sure that is not it. Can she explain what it is that is scaring her? Has there been some other unpleasant experience in her life that she has somehow linked with men that could have caused this? Could it be something simple, like she has been shouted at by a man at some point, and built it up into a big thing in her head?

What's her relationship with her dad like?

Hi, thanks both. Her relationship with my husband (her dad) is really good. I can't think of any incident such as shouting which would have triggered this (she has been at home with me / our nanny until she started at school nursery recently, so not sure if it has anything to do with just being in a new routine, but seems odd for her to focus on men as an issue).

Hi. I was apparently the same when I was a similar age. I don't remember it but my mum said I used to put a cushion over my face if a man other than my dad came into the house and keep it there until he left! I've obviously grown out of it now that I live with dh and three sons so I'm sure it's just a phase. Are there any male tv characters she likes such as mr tumble. Not sure how you could use this but maybe pay more attention to the male characters and relate them to real life. Probably best not to make too big a deal of it however.

Hi Enchancia
Obviously this is a very old thread now. I'm wondering how this all panned out with your daughter and if you sought help. My 4 year old is the exact same. Occasionally she will say a bit more about what upsets her... the teacher is too loud or she is afraid a man might hurt her. Its baffling and a bit troubling potentially.

I would also like to know how this is going since the post has aged some. My DD is 4 and acts the same way around males except dad, grandad, etc. Some males she's okay with. But certain ones, whom she's never been alone with or even close to (She's always by my side) she freaks out when they come around. She says they're too loud when I ask, and when i ask about the ones she's okay with she says they're quiet. I just want to know if anybody else experienced this.

I was just talking about this yesterday! I was the exact same as a child. I can actually remember being about 6 years old and having a complete screaming meltdown and refusing to go into my class at school because there was a male supply teacher. I didn't go in, I flat out refused. My mum said I was a nightmare as something about men really scared me. Apart from my dad and my grandad etc. I grew out of it eventually.

Love men now! 😂

My niece was like this at the same age. Fine with her dad and grandpa but wouldn’t go near other men, especially those with loud voices and beards. My sister worked out there were a few things going on- she didn’t like deep, loud voices (men with quieter voices or who spoke in a more child friendly way she warmed to much quicker). My sister said men also tended to not sit back and let her approach them a lot more. They would often go in and say hello, trying too hard to engage her right away and often do it in a loud, ‘jokey’ way. Whereas women tended to say a quick hello, chat with my sister and then approach once she’d had a chance to get used to them in the environment. Men are also usually much more intimidating in terms of their height/size too. Sitting down helps!
It eventually got better when she was around 5.

I know this thread is super old but can anyone tell me if this was just a phase as my 3 year old has suddenly started doing this and it's really awful x