I am sure I am doing the right thing but it is so hard.

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

I have just made an appointment to speak to a gp about my concerns about ds. I haven't even spoken to anyone yet but I am already crying - I suppose I should get the tearful bit over with before the appointment.

Anyway - ds is 10 and very anxious and prone to compulsive behaviours and very resistant to change and alterations to his routine. I am worried about him and about wether dh and I are really supporting him as he needs to be and feel like I am failing him aat the moment.

I think while he was in primary school he was a bit anxious but not so much that it stopped him from doing things. In the last year he has become noticably more anxious and very upset at times when he should be much more resilient. His quirks are part of him and we are so used to them thatit barely passes notice but if I look at him in a more detatched way there are flags for possible mild aspergers. It is the anxiety that worries me more so I hope the GP will help.

I need to contact the school as well which also worries me at this stage what do I say? No one has ever approached us with concerns about as he is very well behaved a model pupil, and as he is bright he does well enough academically not to be a concern. But he struggles with the poor behaviour of other pupils and this is mainly turned inward so not something a busy teacher will necessarily notice.

sorry I just needed to 'tell' - thank you and apologies for any typos.

Sorry to hear you're feeling so upset.

I just wanted to advise you not to minimise the possible Asperger's Syndrome. If your DS is so anxious that he is prevented from doing things he would like to do or should be doing, his symptoms are not mild.

My DD's both have AS but it is rare for them to seem different to other people. They both cover their difficulties very skilfully in school and then get upset when they are home, using the shutdown rather than meltdown approach when they cannot cope.

If he has AS, and he gets support with routines, change, any sensory or social difficulties he has, etc in school, you may very well find that his anxiety reduces alongside his need for routine/control at home.

There are lots of strategies you could ask the school to put in place. It will take a while to work out which help him. He could have a morning briefing with a TA who warns him of any changes to staffing or routine that day, a quieter, less sensory stimulating place to eat his lunch, a time out card which excuses him from a lesson if he is not coping, a named person to help him with communication with staff, a safe environment for lunch and break times if he is struggling socially, opportunities to explore his own interests, fiddle toys to help him feel concentrate, ebing excuse assembly,..... You could ask him to design his perfect school if you're struggling for ideas.

If the school say they can't help him because he seems fine while he's there, ask them to invite the Autism Outreach Service in to advise them or observe him. Also Google Tony Attwood who has written a lot about masking in AS.

thanks gold

You are right of course if he has AS then that is important and will be the key to managing his anxiety. I suppose I meant that I was worried about how anxious he can be and that was triggering the gp appointment for a referral. I know he is anxious I don't 'know' he is on AS spectrum. I can only hope that some professional assessment can help identify what the basis of his problems are.

I will email his teacher to set uo a meeting, as they clearly need to be involved whether they think there are issues to deal with or not.