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I'M SUCH AN IDIOT!

4 replies

viagrafalls · 22/09/2014 10:32

DD (who was 3 at the end of August) started nursery last week at the local Primary. She's the youngest in her year - quite bright and confident but very attached to me as DP often works away from home for weeks at a time and we have no local family members. Anyway, first three days at nursery were fine but thursday and friday began in floods of tears and she had to be peeled off me in hysterics both mornings but seemed quite chipper at pick up. Over the weekend she mentioned not wanting to go to school a few times but it was glossed over my me. This morning she said that some children had told her she couldn't read (one of the things she likes to do is sit for ages and 'read' aloud to her toys and to herself) and she'd been upset at school. I told her to tell them she was just pretending and not to worry about it. sorry I keep rambling Upshot is she started crying on the walk to school, continued crying when I took her in, I stayed for a while, she clung to me and was silently weeping Sad on my shoulder until I said I was going when she became very upset again. The nursery manager said I could take her back with me so I have but now I feel like I've completely buggered it all up and she will expect me to be able to bring her back whenever she is upset which is obviously going to happen tomorrow and the next day etc.
Someone please tell me they've done something similarly stupid? I know that this is not the way to deal with tears at school i just felt so bad for my little baby! Confused

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
LastingLight · 22/09/2014 11:54

There isn't a parent alive who hasn't made many, many mistakes so don't be too hard on yourself. It's horrible leaving them at school when they're so unhappy. Does she have to go every day?

BustyCraphopper · 22/09/2014 17:25

Why is taking your distressed child home away from the place that was distressing her a mistake?

My DD1 also started preschool this term just turned 3. I had to take her home after just an hour on the first day (they rang me to get me back), then she did a week of short days. Today she skipped in with barely a backwards glance. She knows I will pick her up if she gets too upset and that's a good thing - means she is not scared to go - if it gets too much she can come home :) I reassure her everyday that if she is upset she can wait for me in the quiet corner and I will come and get her.

You did fine :)

viagrafalls · 22/09/2014 20:55

Ah thanks - I'm going to ask if she can do 3 days a week as it is supposed to be 5. She's just never had to be apart from me before. Her best friend has been going to various nurseries and childminders since he was 4 months old and the difference is so marked. Will talk to both DD and the manager tomorrow. Thanks for support.

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Goldmandra · 22/09/2014 23:05

You haven't done anything wrong at all. Please don't compare her to your friend's son. It isn't better for a child to be used to being cared for by lots of other people. It's just different. They both have their positives and negatives.

Cutting down her hours sounds like a good idea but don't reduce it much more. She needs to be there long enough to feel at home eventually.

One good tip used by lots of pre-schools is for the parent to take the child in just before home time so they know they don't have to stay long. Then the parent gradually brings the arrival time forward until either the child decides they are missing out and wants to be there for the full session, cutting the process short or the time has gradually been brought far enough forward to eventually cover the whole session anyway.

There's no merit in leaving a distressed child somewhere they don't want to be. If you can't bring her at the end of sessions but can stay with her, do that. If you can only do short sessions with her that's fine. At some point she will realise that she feels at home enough not to need you and you can start nipping to the toilet, popping into the office, popping home to pick up your handbag, etc, again gradually making the time you take longer.

It doesn't need to be horrible and traumatic. Nursery is meant to be fun Smile

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