I am at the end of my tether really and feel as though I am failing him by not helping him to find a solution .
Some background: he is the middle child and DS1 is generally very good at everything he does - not because he is a genius but because he works really really hard. DS3 is very confident and very good at expressing what he needs/wants etc.
DS2 is quite shy, very unsure about himself and often scribbles over drawings he has done and says that it's because they are rubbish and he is an idiot. He regularly says he is good at nothing at all. He gives up very easily and gets very frustrated and angry.
We give him praise all of the time and I try to spend one to one time with them all (but particularly with him).
We were together for the weekend and he had a friend over (he has no close friends per se but rather plays with everyone) and he said this morning he doesn't want to play at his friends house even though he was excited when he was invited back yesterday.
He had a massive meltdown when his brother comeback from DGPs with new football boots today (he had been two weeks ago and they bought him new shoes of his choice and he picked some lovely funky trainers). Today he went crazy about wanting to get some now, even though we had already discussed it and I explained that he could have some next week once we have had pay day. It was impossible to talk to him as he was just crying and crying and when I got him to calm down and understand that he is getting some just not now he starting sobbing then slapping himself saying he was an idiot for bring so stupid to cry over shoes.
On the one hand at times he is just being spoilt brattish about things but it always ends with him feeling really shit about himself and he said he just can't control it when he loses it.
I spoke withDH the other day when he broke down and said that's some older children had teased him at school two weeks ago and it was something very small and of the moment but he said he had been worried about it everyday since so I said I would bring it up with his teacher.
DH and I are both thinking he needs an outlet for all of this, but not sure what. He was doing two activities that are not really involving other people but has in the last week said he no longer wants to do these. He is very caring and likes art (looking at it mostly) and has mentioned perhaps learning the guitar.
I spoke to him about the instrument and art stuff today when he calmed down and I asked if he thought these might help when he us feeing angry/upset and worried, and he said yes but I am not sure since he might still be bottling it up.
Sorry this is very rambly. He doesn't respond to punishment in any form.