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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Anyone want a teen daughter support thread?

22 replies

Ledkr · 19/09/2014 10:31

Oh my goodness she is testing me. She is 13 in January and mostly a kind loving girl but blimey it's trying.
She puts nothing away unless asked or turns off lights flushes toilet etc.
So if she eats cereal she leaves out milk sugar and cereal then the bowl.
Any room she goes into she leaves the lights on. She drops clothes where she undresses and towels where she dries. She leaves rubbish on the floor or sofa and gets extremely annoyed when I make her rectify any of these things.
She shoves her clean washing anywhere but into the drawers.
She stuffs her dirty knickers in hiding places.
I'm not a novice, I have three grown up sons and don't remember it being this bad.
Her latest thing is launching into hysterics at the slightest thing. So this morning couldn't find her. Pe shirt and despite me helping she escalated to a high pitched almost crying state "oh no where's my shirt I'm going to be laaaaatttteee"
I challenged her on this and so she left the house being pretty rude and slamming the door.
I literally don't know what to challenge and what to leave.
I feel that our relationship is becoming pretty negative as all I do is moan but I also don't want to be a pushover or her slave.
Any veteran daughter owners have any advice for the next seven years Hmm

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
DaughterDilemma · 19/09/2014 12:35

All normal. Sorry :)

DaughterDilemma · 19/09/2014 12:37

science.howstuffworks.com/life/inside-the-mind/human-brain/teenage-brain1.htm

Read this and articles like this and it might see you through the dark times. Remember to smile a lot. A neutral face is seen as hostile by the teenage brain.

ExitPursuedByAKoalaBear · 19/09/2014 12:37

Has she started her periods yet? If not, you can add to that list

Stuffing used sanitary towels in a drawer.

Sigh

DaughterDilemma · 19/09/2014 12:40

www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/the-teen-brain-still-under-construction/index.shtml

This is a bit more in depth.

MajesticWhine · 19/09/2014 12:42

Is it really normal? That is somewhat reassuring.
I could have written every word of that OP (except May not January Smile). I don't really have any advice, but yes, it's a nightmare. I try and only pick up on the really bad behaviour and cut slack on the other things, otherwise, I would be moaning at her 24/7. I have another DD who is quite clean and tidy and usually pleasant. Don't know what went wrong with DD2.

Eggs · 19/09/2014 12:44

Sounds all very familiar. You should read Doorslammers and Divas. A really useful book on understanding the teenage brain.

Ledkr · 19/09/2014 14:50

Oh wow thanks. I feel so much better and yes she's started her periods and yes bloody knickers in bookcases and used towels still in pants in wash basket.
I didn't want to say that in case I got a good flaming??.
I'll read up on all the links thanks.
Anymore comments welcome.

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 19/09/2014 14:53

She sounds just like my 'D'D.
It's hell isn't it?

Ledkr · 19/09/2014 15:14

It is. I wasn't prepared for this. You imagine the lovely Disney mum n daughter relationship don't you but it's not like that.
Illustrated nicely by our recent shopping trip where most things I looked at were met with sarcasm and scathing comments.
Does anyone bother correcting or have you all given up Grin

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 19/09/2014 16:33

I blame myself a lot and think it must be my fault she's like this, we must have spoilt her but DS isn't like this.

Life's tough for a teenage girl but it's much tougher for her parents, she treats us with contempt!

DollyTwat · 19/09/2014 16:47

Sons are the same Led
Goes in cycles here, really lovely and loving for a few weeks, then he's possessed by the very spirit of satan

Ledkr · 19/09/2014 16:54

Yes I think she's been spoiled too. She was my only dd after 3 boys and her dad left when she was 8 months so it's just been me and I've enjoyed taking her on holidays and buying her clothes, seeing shows and dance lessons etc. I've been strict on manners, school etc and she certainly knows right from wrong.
She's loved by everyone who meets her, good at school, it's just me she hates!!

OP posts:
Ledkr · 19/09/2014 16:56

Thanks dolly don't I know you from somewhere? Grin

OP posts:
DollyTwat · 19/09/2014 19:25

Your dd is lovely
Honestly she is

We are just 'muggins' to our children

I know YOU you cunt Grin

ExitPursuedByAKoalaBear · 19/09/2014 19:40

My dd is loved by everyone too. It is just us she is arsey with. Although she is 15 soon and I can just about glimpse the light.

Ledkr · 19/09/2014 19:43

I want some light!!

OP posts:
ExitPursuedByAKoalaBear · 19/09/2014 22:01

Patience.

Ledkr · 23/09/2014 18:59

Resurrecting this.
Last night she screamed at me "ugly cow" so I texted her dance teacher (her passion is dance) and told her this particular ugly cow was not paying her dance bill this term!
Fuck it. I've had a guts full.

OP posts:
MajesticWhine · 23/09/2014 19:11

Wow does your DD know yet? I think it's fair enough. That should make her consider her behaviour. My problem is that there are never any consequences, I am always too soft.

Ledkr · 23/09/2014 20:10

Well this is a last resort as I've threatened it before. The reality is that she has commitments to competition work and pantomime so it's a slight bluff which dance teacher is in on. She will be speaking to her on Thursday and explaining the consequences of missing class.
So yes I'm still too soft to end it all together as she is very talented but I will if she pushes me much further.
Sheepish tonight, attempts to suck up not exactly working!

OP posts:
DaughterDilemma · 24/09/2014 02:24

Christ you're brave Led, anything to keep them sweet (or not sour) in our home. Fling the tablet across the room? Fine. I say nothing then she says 'let me do that again' she picks it up and hands it to me and says 'there you go mummy' with a very false voice.

Say nothing, do nothing but don't walk away. Punishments don't work, they are just a reason for them to hate you even more. It's like they are toddlers again, you have to coax them into different behaviour, manipulate it. But now you have to be smarter and better at it because this time they really will walk across that road without looking just to spite you and then blame you for it if you get knocked down.

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