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Behaviour/development

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I've failed!

5 replies

loopdaloop · 18/09/2014 22:42

Finally today I got my prohibited steps order. All 3 kids to remain with me until a contact hearing. Yeyyyy!
All goin well, attended an open evening for ds2, called at tesco after for some bits and ds1 kicks off cause I refuse to buy an energy drinks, sits on the floor and sulks like a 3 yr old. He's 12.
I leave.
I'm in the car and he slopes out, telling me how shit I am, how dad would have bought it and how he refuses to go to school tomorrow. Cue screaming match.
Come home and he packs a bag and leaves. He hangs round outside for an hr or so then we hear taps on the window, 15 mins later they turn into bangs. I ask him several times to come in an he refuses. 5 mins later he's in. Doors locked.
I go to talk and argument starts. Ds2 comes to join in, I ask him to leave the room. Ds1 jumps up and squares up to me. I wrap my arms roun him and try to restrain him. All he'll breaks loose and suddenly I've "abused" him.
I leave the room aster asking him to calm down.
He's now in the hall kickin the door. Ds2, dd and myself are on the couch trying to ignore him, the kicks are louder ad louder, I go out and move him from the door. He kicks me. I lift him and he throws himself on the stairs, again I've abuse him, at this point I can't breathe, I'm having a panic attack I think. I cry. I'm so shit.
I'm in bed now, crying again. Dreading the morning for fear of the rows about school that are to follow. He's downstairs, alone banging on the coffee table. I've asked him so many times to come to bed, got told to eff off.
Why? What am I doin that's so wrong for him to hate me to behave like this?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Lally112 · 19/09/2014 01:52

in his head - probably stopping him seeing his father. Its going to be hard on them both too.

tiger66 · 19/09/2014 10:02

Give him cuddles. A lot of aggression in boys comes from their feeling of insecurity and inability to communicate their feelings. Kids of all ages need reassurance that it is okay to be angry, but not okay to kick other people / objects. See if you can get into a situation to ask him calmly how he feels about everything that is going on and if he wants to talk about it. Being a mum is hard, sounds like you are doing a great job but being faced but emotional outbursts. Well done for sticking by your guns and not giving into emotional blackmail. Keep strong and ensure the kids know they are loved.

misscph1973 · 19/09/2014 10:08

Oh, I so feel for you. I hope your morning wasn't too bad. To a certain extent, your DS is feeling safe and secure enough with you to have a meltdown. He doesn't hate you, he is just having trouble handling life at the moment. It's easy for me to say at a distance, I am sure that you are heart broken. It sounds like you really need some help and support. Itøs not eawsy to go through these things alone. Have you thought about asking if the school has a family support advisor? I have used mine, and she's great. Just talking with someone who doesn't know you can help, as they see it clearer, someone close to you will be emotional.

loopdaloop · 19/09/2014 11:16

My whole world has been smashed to bits this morning. he wouldnt get up, he wouldnt get dressed. I apologised for last night and agreed to a clean slate this morning. He wasnt having it. Refused to go to school.
I ignored the behaviour and was going to drop him at my mums (just couldnt handle a row). My mum called and spoke to him and said she was working so he would have to go to school. The screaming started, I had to literally dress him. Then came the "get me an effin tissue for my effin nose" he nose was runnin because he was crying, I ran for the tissue like an idiot. Tried to help tie his laces and I got the biggest ROAR in my face.....I lashed out and hit him......words cant even describe how shit I feel right now. I left the house to get the others to school and when I got back he'd left, he had set off to my mums. I picked him up and left him at hers. Im absolutly DREADING going home.

OP posts:
algor · 25/09/2014 19:56

Don't know if you are still watching this thread but if you are get this from the library,
www.amazon.co.uk/Mothers-Raising-Sons-No-nonsense-rules/dp/009194743X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1411671203&sr=1-1&keywords=raising+happy+boys+and+sane
helped me enormously (2 ds one is 13 the other is 12).
Hope it wasnt too bad last week and keep your chin up You are doing your very best and you love them don't forget that. xxx

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