My 6yo DD gets angry and applies goth make up!

[BackAche21]

My daughter finds it really hard to say what's going on in her world and tell me her troubles. I've read How to talk so kids will listen but she just keeps her own counsel.

Since term started(y2) she's got really angry and upset after school - she has big strops off away from me on the walk home, gives me a lot of rude talk (don't care, get me my drink etc) which is copying stuff she hears at school and slamming doors, throwing stuff etc.

I don't allow any of this so my discipline system is at full throttle and so far I'm not getting riled by her or overreacting myself. But she's twice now rushed upstairs and got her face paints out and applied black paint as lipstick, eyebrows, grey 'blusher' and painted black bones on her hands. The first time she did it I was so surprised it made me laugh and diffused the atmosphere. I sort of respect this dramatic gesture of how she's feeling and at least she's expressing herself. But the 2nd time I'm not so sure. She has very blond, soft colouring and I worry it's more like a 6yo's version of attacking herself and hurting her own image of herself. Any ideas?

Oh, I totally agree with your first interpretation - good for her (the makeup, not the strops). And as for deprettyifying herself - also good for her! I'd keep laughing in your shoes - a good outlet for her emotions.

She's painting her rage on her face

Thanks fonzi. As well as discipline, i do also give her lots of quiet encouragement to talk to me, her dad, or her childminder if something has upset her, but she never does. I guess I worry that because she can't say what's upset her I don't know if it's something more serious (bullying?) and perhaps I should take this as her way of trying to tell me something's wrong?

She's 6, throwing tantrums and being stroppy is incredible common at six.

Six year olds are just beginning to clearly see themselves as individuals with the confidence to make their own decisions, when school starts wanting them to be mature and grown up in a much more conformist way.

At school, schools version of 'grown up wins' (six yearolds don't tend to be stroppy at school like 10y or teens), but this being good at school has a price.

That price is from the second DD1 walked out the gate she started being whinny, negative and awkward. She wanted the world to revolve around her.

She spent a lot of time in her room "untill she could be nice" for being negative, awkward and putting her older sister down.

She had a real way with words, but not the emotional maturity to know how much she could annoy and hurt.

I'm afraid OP there isn't a huge amount you can do except ignore what can be ignored and consistently discipline what can't be ignored.

It gets better. DD2 and me came to an agreement she either said positive things in the car after school or she stayed quiet (unless it was a genuine complaint).

She realised that she liked playing with DD1. It may be easy to make fun of your socially awkward, dyslexic big sister when you read better than they do but it's not in your best interest.

Six is a storm that blows it's self out, until the gale that is being 10.

I don't know why but it sounds like your daughter is suffocating and she feels like she is under pressure. I wish I could give you a better advice however talking to her obviously is not enough...I would at least look for a serious hidden reason why she is acting like that...Good luck and keep us posted!