How do you help your primary age children deal with others mean/unkind behaviour?

[tinkytot]

Posted here as I am not sure where to put the discussion. I have two DC one in infant and the other in junior part of primary school. I have noticed since returning after the Summer break that they both keep coming home with tales from the class about other kids behaviour.

My kids are fairly placid and kind and although not perfect find rough and tumble (physically and verbally!) tricky as they have a fairly gentle home environment. That is not to say they are perfect or that they of not fight with each other!!!!!

I am interested in how others get the children to cope with it, as I try to suggest many strategies for them but wonder if others have found things that help. Especially as I think they need to learn to appreciate that people come in all shapes, sizes and personalities as this will help them when they leave school.

TIA

I'm interested in this, too, OP

Perhaps there are more people about now???

This has become a bit of a live topic in our household, thankfully on a lie level.

At present I've sat down with DS an explained that words are like arrows but we can choose whether to let them hurt us and the best way to stop them hurting us is to remember all of the people who love us and this can form a shield.

Bit soppy but worked for a y1

Low level, that should have read

I would actually say, involve the school.

I was always going to be a low key mum, leaving to school to do their thing without interference and that's mostly what I have done, but when DS1 was in year2 and not coping with some of the goings on in his friendship group very well, I did go in.

They were brilliant and I wished I'd done it sooner. There was nothing awful going on but they helped DS know it wasn't Ok for people to behave like that and gave him strategies for dealing with it and for telling an adult without seeing to be telling tales etc. They really did handle it well, within 24 hours it was like a huge weight had lifted from DS and there was never any repeat.

Good suggestion explored I will mention it at parents evening as a general strategy to help all children.

Bump ?

Bump?

DS was sent out of class yesterday for calling a girl a "Dummkopf" when he got home we told him it's nice or polite to call people names even if they are mean to you or others (apparently she had been making fun of him in the playground and was laughing at him in the classroom).

The teacher didn't tell me what had gone off, DS told me when I asked why. So I'll be off in on Monday to make his teacher aware of what had happened and even though DS should not have called her a name, he shouldn't have to put up and "ignore" it because we all know ignoring the problem doesn't solve anything.

We've told DS that if it happens again or if he sees/hears someone else being mean to someone then to wait until end of lesson/break/school and quietly tell the teacher what you heard/saw. I want DS to learn to trust the teachers whom I entrust with his education and care during school hours because if he doesn't he'll have no one to turn to when he needs help.

I have however told him if someone hits him, he is to defend himself to avoid getting hurt further and then to tell a teacher. He should not have to sit there and let someone hit him.

We are pretty much an unconventional family and DS is very aware of differences and that it's not okay to be mean to someone because they look or talk (etc) differently than him or anyone else. We also encourage him to talk and make friends with others who are different than them and if a child looks like their own to go over and talk to them and offer an invitation to play because they may shy or new just like him (and his painfully shy sister).

IMO and as a mum of gentle non fighting boys this was something they learned at school.

It is something one learns through experience, they will also find a way to deal with it.

School is so much more than Maths and English, it teaches them social skills and empathy and how to deal with conflict and difficult people.

It will be fine. Nice gentle kids find friends easily.

Thanks for the replies.

DC do seem to find their way through & I agree BravePotato that nice, kind, gentle kids make friends!

It is good to hear other ways to phrase things to help darling kids as sometimes I exhaust my supply of comments.

I also do not want children to be tell tales every time someone does something but equally they should not always have to tolerate every kids bad behaviour as that needs to be moderated too.

There needs to be learning on both sides by the good kids and the bad!