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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Can someone tell me if this is normal behaviour for a 7 yo and did I handle it correctly?

22 replies

fwightened · 17/09/2014 19:54

Yesterday I promised 7 year old DD I'd take her to the playground after school today.

It was sunny here today and DD came out of school looking hot. She saw the ice cream van outside of school and asked me for an ice lolly.

I said not now because you can't ride your scooter and eat an ice lolly at the same time, and I can't hold your scooter because I have the pram, but I will buy you one in the playground.

DD had a tantrum, she wanted a bubblegum ice lolly and they don't sell them in the playground, only from the ice cream van.

I didn't back down and she started to scream and shout at me. I stopped walking and told her she needed to stop shouting at me. She continued. I told her she has a choice, she can stop tantrumming and we can go to the park and get an ice lolly there or we can go home. She said she couldn't decide because she wants a bubblegum ice lolly and that wasn't one of the options

We are slightly blocking the pavement which is busy with people leaving school, so I tell her she needs to decide now. She's still shouting and crying.

So we went home. ALL the way home she shouted and screamed and cried and tried to grab hold of the pram to make me stop, and tried to stand in my way. I ignored her as best I could. She is hysterical.

When she got home I sent her to her room to calm down, mainly because her shouting was upsetting DD2.

She was so hysterical she was sick twice.

This is not unusual behaviour for DD.

I would like to know if this is normal behaviour for a 7 year old, and did I handle it correctly or am I doing something very wrong? Because I've never experienced another child getting so hysterical over something like this to the point she is sick. And I'm at a complete loss at how else to deal with it.

OP posts:

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Ticklemonster897 · 17/09/2014 19:57

It probably want really about the I've lolly at all. She wanted some control maybe? Is she getting used to new year 3 class, new baby or is particularly tired?

Ticklemonster897 · 17/09/2014 19:57

Sorry that meant to say that it's probably not about the ice lolly

LynetteScavo · 17/09/2014 19:59

I think it's within the range of normal.

She's still only seven and 7yo's do still have tantrums, but you will now get loads of posters saying their 7yo grew out of tantrums 5 years ago.

FWIW, I think you did handle it correctly. Personally I would have given in once your DD explained she really wanted the bubble gum ice cream, but then I'm soft.

Also, when I was 7yo I was like your DD. I wouldn't have wanted another ice cream. And no, I wasn't at all spoiled.

Here's to your DD being an easy teenager.

LynetteScavo · 17/09/2014 20:00

And my initial thought was...she was probably really tired, and maybe hungry.

evertonmint · 17/09/2014 20:01

I think you dealt with the particular tantrum about the lolly very well - you explained why she couldn't have it, have her a good alternative and then when pushed offered her the playground or home, and followed through.

I would though gently start probing to see if something else is going on as this is a bit extreme for most 7yo if it's more than an isolated incident

playftseforme · 17/09/2014 20:03

My 7yo dd has had one or two screaming and shouting bouts for extended periods when she hasn't got her own way - it's only ever been when she's tired. Once she's calmed down we've cuddled and made up, and the original reason for the tantrum forgotten.

RabbitSaysWoof · 17/09/2014 20:04

I had exactly the same thing with someone elses 5 year old I was looking after last week, blood curdling screams because she potentially could have eaten an ice lolly that wasn't her exact favourite one. That wasn't about the lolly either.
I would say you handled it perfectly, gave choice, followed through making choice for her when she wouldn't. Firm and extremely fair.

Sleepytea · 17/09/2014 20:04

I've been getting the same behaviour from my 7 year old dd. I think she's trying so hard to be a grown up year 3 child that the slightest thing sets her off at home. Shes basically very tired. I'm handling it by keeping calm and not taking it personally but it's so difficult.

SummerSazz · 17/09/2014 20:05

I can 'see' your afternoon in technicolor OP and I too have a 7yr old DD. Well handled I'd say. However I would say don't dwell on it and bring it up again - fresh start every day is our motto here

RabbitSaysWoof · 17/09/2014 20:07

Good motto Summer we should all do that.

chutneypig · 17/09/2014 20:09

I'd have done exactly the same. I have two seven year olds and they can both behave like that. We've had some truly irrational efforts since they went back to school. I have found they're snapping out of it quicker than they used to. They are very very tired, also trying to find their feet in Yr3, in a mixed class with Yr4. Slight disagreements with friends in DD case are getting blown up out of all proportion at times, yet at other times she's very mature about things. More so than her brother, who has been more tantrumy in recent years in general but has far less issues with his friends at school.

Original poster

fwightened · 17/09/2014 20:09

No I suspected not about the ice lolly at all as well. She can literally tantrum about anything.

It is often school related, and she is generally better in holidays. She is still in the same school, same classmates just a different teacher, so not a massive change there. But yeah probably school related in some way.

OP posts:

5madthings · 17/09/2014 20:10

I think yes it's within the realms of normal.

I would also think maybe she was tired/hungry/frazzled after school. Also these first few weeks are tiring for them settling back into routine, New teacher etc.

I think you handled it just fine.

I would wait and talk to het once calm and discuss some strategies for het not to get so upset. Help her talk about how she us feeling etc. Even breathing techniques. But this won't work whilst she is having a tantrum it's something to chat about when she is calm.

My ds2 is 12 and still strops but we have worked on strategies to help him and He uses them, gives himself time out etc. Knows when he needs to go and cool down.

Original poster

fwightened · 17/09/2014 20:13

It was the vomiting that worries me though. Surely that's a bit extreme?

It wasn't for attention as she was upstairs and I was downstairs with DD2 and she stayed upstairs for a while afterwards sobbing hysterically. I could hear her though

OP posts:

weebarra · 17/09/2014 20:13

DS is six, not seven but has just gone into P3 (Scotland). About a month ago, he had a full blown tantrum on Princes Street in Edinburgh because he wanted to go back to the cafe we had just left (we left because he decided he didn't want to eat there). It was awful, but probably something to do with being about to start a new year at school etc. I feel for you!

BarbarianMum · 17/09/2014 20:44

Sounds a lot like me at the same age. Sorry. Sometimes life was just a bit too much and then the least little thing would trigger it.

I was a lovely teen though and rarely loose my temper as an adult though.

I think you handled it fine. And vomiting is not particularly unusual if a child's been crying hard.

rascal1979 · 17/09/2014 22:30

This sounds like my daughter - even down to her comment about choices. My daughter recently realised that when I give her choices that they are often things she doesn't want to choose between and so wont choose as they are not her choices but mine :/

It is hard work and I am really hoping she will be an easy teen - god knows I deserve it!

Eva50 · 17/09/2014 22:33

Ds3(8) had some huge tantrums and when reflecting, I could see that he was tired or hungry every time. He hasn't had one now since last Boxing Day (I remember it well). He is just so much more mature suddenly. Hopefully things will improve for you quite soon.

DeWee · 18/09/2014 09:21

I think that's normal,. and as others have said it probably wasn't really about the ice lolly.
My dsis remembers during a power cut asking for a boiled egg for lunch as she knew dm couldn't do it. She was most put out when dm got out the camping stove and boiled her one. She remembers thinking "I didn't want an egg, I wanted to be cross!"

However I would have listened to her reasoning, and as it was a perfectly good reasoning, would have probably let her buy one and either sat there near the van and ate it, or carried it unwrapped to the park. We used to do the latter sometimes (although home rather than to the park) and dd2 (who has one hand) could manage to scoot the 5 minutes home with the lolly in it's wrapper before it melted.

I like the children to be able to think for themselves and, that she had thought which she wanted, had realised that one place had it and not the other, and if she stated it calmly and sensibly then I would think that was grownup behaviour worth rewarding. I would have explained beforehand that she would have to carry it to the park or sit still and eat it before going, and any complaining she wouldn't have got it though.
If she'd whinged about it, she wouldn't have got one at all.

MindReader · 18/09/2014 09:36

DeWee

"I think that's normal,. and as others have said it probably wasn't really about the ice lolly.
My dsis remembers during a power cut asking for a boiled egg for lunch as she knew dm couldn't do it. She was most put out when dm got out the camping stove and boiled her one. She remembers thinking "I didn't want an egg, I wanted to be cross!"

That's bloody brilliant!
I can picture your resourceful mum and your pissed off sister very well.

jibadeah · 18/09/2014 09:49

Thanks everyone, I hope she does grow out of it soon, she's been like this since she was 18 months old. I'm just so fed up with it all.

I know the rest of my family don't know what to make of her, she's not like anyone else. And I know they judge me a bit because they think its down to the way I parent her but I honestly can't think of anything I could do differently. People always say if you don't give in to tantrums they'll learn that tantrumming doesn't work. But she just doesn't seem to learn like other children do

Eva50 · 18/09/2014 13:39

Do you, or the school have any other concerns about her behaviour? I say this as ds1 has ADHD and ds2 has ASD. Ds3 by all accounts has neither. The school have no concerns and he is at the top of the class, behaves well, learns two instruments etc and yet there are times when I can clearly see traits of both in him. A mother at the school gate (who has a child with ASD but didn't know that I have) asked if I had ever thought he "might have autism". I was pretty shocked that someone would ask this but I can also see why she thinks this. He is a very sensitive, quirky child and although I'm sure, even with the family history, he would never get a diagnosis there is definitely something there.

All children need to be treated and parented as individuals and I don't think you are doing anything wrong. I think it gets easier (in most ways) as they get older.

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