3.5 year old....could bedtime behaviour be a reaction to nursery?

[AnnieDanny]

Any wise words of wisdom out there? ..as I'm fast running out of ideas. My 3.5 ds has started to hit and slap at me at the same time each day (after his bath at bedtime). This is unprovoked and not part of a tantrum, but very deliberate and calculated. He seems to want to 'experiment' with defiance and does not show anger - until his Dad and I show how unhappy we are this behaviour and try to stop him ("I WILL carry on and hit and hit and hit!") Some 'How to talk so kids will listen...' type strategies seem to have some impact when he's calmed down, as does talking about having to remove some privileges as a last resort if the hitting continues. He always ends up his usual gentle, affectionate self before I tuck him in, but then the whole scene repeats the next day and the next....
The hitting began just a day or two after he started nursery for the first time - he saw a child hit his Mum there. He has settled really quickly at nursery and tells me he really enjoys it, that he's not cross about having to go or angry at all about it. But, I can't help feeling the sudden and totally uncharacteristic defiance and hitting behaviour might be linked to feelings he can't articulate - perhaps anger about being 'left' at nursery after 3.5 years of 1:1 attention from me?

Anyway...apologies for the rant, but if anyone has has a similar experience I'd love to hear from you that it doesn't go on forever! Any ideas about what his Dad and I could try next?

I had a similar situation with my DS when he turned 3. Hitting me, not his dad, and being really defiant about it 'I WILL hit you Mummy'. I found it very wearing and upsetting, but realised it usually happened when he was overtired or hyped up emotionally, which helped me deal with it a bit. All you can do is be ultra consistent with him, calmly repeating 'we don't hit' etc. I also told his nursery about it and they were helpful, they organised a special story time one afternoon all about why we don't hit people (in a toddler friendly way!). Might be worth talking to them?

Thank you for replying…yes, it is upsetting even when you realise that they are just working through something they've seen or the scary realisation of the amount of power they have! Thanks for the nursery tip too.