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Behaviour/development

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Am finding DD's imaginative play difficult

12 replies

KissItBetter · 13/09/2014 23:00

DD nearly 5 is constantly wanting to role play different people/scenarios. The problem for me is that it could take up the whole day if I was as keen and I can't seem to ignite much interest in anything else while at home. If out she will do whatever, like play at the park, while being someone else.

I find myself getting short with her or cutting it off when she gets too manic with it, chopping and changing who is who literally three times in one sentence - 'you be the mummy I'm the kitten, no you be the butterfly I'll be the princess, no I'm the shop keeper you be the mermaid'... I can't keep up and feel like there's a script I'm meant to be following but have no idea what it is. It doesn't feel spontaneous, in an anything goes kind of way.

She rarely finds playmates willing to join in but perseveres to the point of scaring them off; when she does she is ecstatic and, again, over enthusiastic which ultimately results in scaring them off too. She also won't role play alone, i.e. with two dolls or whatever. It has to involve someone else.

Any suggestions please on how I can work with her to make it more manageable for the other party and thus fulfilling for her and perhaps channel her energies into other areas too? And how does this sort of play generally develop - will she get the hang of creating the other voices herself? Do I just need to wait until she finds a kindred spirit? I am looking forward to her creating stories in years to come, I think they will be a great read!

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fififrog · 14/09/2014 07:26

I wish I could help... am here to offer sympathy and say "oh my... please don't tell my DH this will still be going on when she's 5!". My DD is like this at 3.5 - I try my best, but have resorted to setting a timer for role play games and also refusing to change character. DH finds this sort of play nearly impossible. DD has noticed and said "daddy never wants to play with me"...

Iggly · 14/09/2014 08:55

Maybe she senses your dislike and keeps changing it as a result.

At her first character say cheerfully OK I'm the x. Let's do y! Start her off. Then ask her questions e.g. what would a x do...?

Then after ten painful minutes tell her you've finished having fun now and have to do something else.

Imaginative play is very important for children. If you teach her how to do it properly then she will be able to do it with other children.

Also what kind of toys does she have? Loads of books, Lego etc to fire and feed her imagination for example?

I find this age a transitional one - growing out of toddler toys but hard to know what suits.

KissItBetter · 14/09/2014 08:57

Thanks fifi. It has been going on a while but now it's all consuming. I got a whole set of play characters thinking she might act them all out, but no. DD doesn't seem to bother trying to include DH, maybe she instinctively knows it will go nowhere!

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KissItBetter · 14/09/2014 09:05

Good ideas Iggly thank you. I do realise its important but don't remember enjoying this kind of game myself. A friend of mine vividly remembers her games like this and now she's an actor. Perhaps it illustrates our fundamental difference - I am very introverted and she appears to be very extrovert.

Thank you for suggesting I can help her to do it properly - I hadn't thought of that. I was just going with the flow!

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LatteLoverLovesLattes · 14/09/2014 09:15
Wine

No - it's not too early!

I hate dictatorial role playing. I will be the shop keeper/customer in a cafe/the mummy etc for a while. I will not be an animal, fairy, bus... just 'no'.

I also wont be told 'you say this, no this, no this or that, then I do this or and you do that. NO, just NO. Give me a role and I will be that person for a short while but I will NOT be told what to do and say - you have dolls for that :)

I will facilitate pretty much anything they want to do, but don't hesitate to say 'No, thank you, I don't want to do that/play that' - they do need to learn that they can't be The Boss of play.

She will find another way of dealing with it, through toys, dolls etc.

Iggly · 14/09/2014 09:51

Confused but I will NOT be told what to do that's bossy as well!

murphy36 · 14/09/2014 09:52

Sounds like fun. I'd be coming up with pairs or characters and games for her I think. Try and lead it maybe

Hakluyt · 14/09/2014 09:57

Just go with it. Honestly- some children play pretend games all the time. Don't overthink it. And I certainly wouldn't try to control the play- it's her imagination this is about.

You can limit the time you play, though. Say that you will play for, say an hour,(set a timer) then you have to go and get lunch/go to the park/bake a cake/whatever.

But for that hour be wholehearted about it. It will be much more satisfying for her if you play properly for an hour than half heartedly all morning.

Besom · 14/09/2014 10:09

I have the same thing with dd (6) sometimes I know exactly what you're talking about. I have to set a time limit it on it too. In fact I've recently said to her that I'm not very good with these kind of games and can we play dominos/card game/board game instead. This sometimes works. Also I have tried to explain to her that dictating the game is boring for the other person and she is at the point where she now gets this a bit.

My dd does have friends who seem to enjoy this too, and it seems to consist solely of quite long sessions of 'pretend this' 'pretend that'. Like planning the game is more important than actually playing it. She plays with dolls as well, not sure how to encourage this tbh. Have you modelled it - playing with the dolls yourself?

And yes Wine.

KissItBetter · 14/09/2014 18:21

Thank you all for your thoughts and suggestions. I am delighted to say we are just back from a day out in which she made friends with a girl and disappeared off into a play boat. When I went to find her I was told they were 'the ship's rabbits' and both very happy with it - result!

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Icedfinger · 14/09/2014 18:31

Have you tried small world play? Lot of chn her age love it. Google or look on Pinterest for ideas

snice · 14/09/2014 18:41

She sounds like an ideal candidate for Sylvanian Families- get saving up!

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