Teen worries

[Ronnie82]

I have a 14 year old who can be lovely and thoughtful but can also be nasty violent, full of attitude, shouts abuse and lies. We have started seeing someone about her out bursts and the lies she tells, these aren't just lies trying to get herself out of trouble there like stories, I have no idea when she is telling me the truth, so trust is not there. Last night was really bad I confiscated her phone for smacking her younger brother and she went crazy throwing things hitting things, shouting abuse at me, threatening me tried running away, I tried ignoring it letting her calm down but she just kept screaming and swearing then she through me against a wall and threatened to burn the house down saying she had a lighter when I questioned it and asked for a lighter she said she didn't have one, that night I actually went to bed scared can anyone help with any advice, is there anyone else out there that has a trouble teen this bad, I'm worried its hereditary as her biological father was violent even though she has never met him.

I am glad you are already seeking professional help. She is really testing you and it must be so difficult.

I may get flamed for this but if you are in physical danger don't hesitate to ring 999. I know that might seem like upping the ante and calling the police on her seems like a betrayal but your DD shouldn't think oh Mum would never do that, and expect you to tolerate violence.

When she kicks off, walk away without confrontation as often as you can.

As far as inheriting her dad's violent tendencies, I don't know, but would imagine all children make mistakes, by which I mean there are times when they're aggressive or lie or to some extent, manipulate. It's part of human nature. Most of us learn to care about how other people feel by how we are treated and by seeing emotions in other people. If she has never met her biological dad he can't have been a daily influence. The fact that she can be lovely and thoughtful at least 50% of the time shows she's not callous or indifferent through and through.

You might consider keeping a diary of her behaviour - good as well as bad things, to remind you that it's not all negative, that when she is lovely and thoughtful you haven't lost her.

Btw I italicised 'lovely and thoughtful' because I think it does you good to hang onto the nicer parts of her personality, I wasn't being sarky.