3 yr olds - willful, stubborn, awkward, singleminded - GAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[suzywong]

Do you pick your battles or do you crack down on it at all costs?
When they won't eat their breakfast even though it's their favourite until they have allowed to wear the Woody PJs they glimpsed on top of the wardrob that you were saving as a parting gift, do you yell and shout and threaten, bargain and negotiate or just think - he's 3, this character trait has survived evolutionary selection therefore it must be there for a reason and will probably be termed -focus- when he's in secondary school so I will let him wear them and then we can all get on with our morning?

In the end I did all three, much to my discomfort and guilt.

DH has been taking the piss out of me lately saying I have met my nemesis (I am also famously stubborn) and that I'm too soft on him and confuse him by giving in.

Discuss

I am pathetic and usually give in for an easy life.

I am sooooooo ashamed of myself though.

I was such a strict nanny to all my charges and now Im a wuss.

There is nothing that I am particularly strict about but I must change it or my children will be evil.

He doesn't tantrum most of the time, just a Spartan Boy Mexican Standoff scenario. Gotta admire his determination in a way. He just knows what he wants and tbh none of what he wants is a hanging offence or too outlandish.

Am I creating a monster?

Suzy, sounds like a normal 3 year old to me Mine little darling is exactly the same at the moment. he ha sjust started the answering back thing, which actually I have to stop myslef from smiling at. 'C if you don't stop doing that, then you will sit on the stairs' 'No mummy, YOU will sit on the stairs!' (Yes please says Mummy, can I be on my own for 33 minutes )

My little man is all you have listed in the title. Totally stubborn, wilful, awkward, but i think he is testing what he can get away with and what he can't.

I have my litle tricks to get him to do what I want. We have just started a car share with my neighbour and loves going to school with Joe or taking him, so every morning all i have to say is eat your breakfast/get dressed quickly/etc etc or we won't be ready to take/go with Joe. Works every time! If he is being silly with his dinner I say 'ok I will give it to D (baby brother who eats everything )

I do try not to get into battles with him as it escalates. As long as my little tricks work, then I'm happy because he is doing what i want him to.

Like I say, i have to stop myslef from smiling at him as I do know exactly where he is coming from. I just understand him. Hmm maybe the title describes me a bit

Forgot to say, he has changed his name from Caleb (a lovely name if you ask me) to Superfrog and gets quite irrate if anyone (including the ladies at nursery ) dares to call him Caleb. We also have SuperMummyFrog, Superdaddy, Superlion (big bro) and Superbaby here!

3 year olds are mad!!!

Superfrog does not sound like a Captain of Industry's name, so I can appreciate your concern.
You may have hit the nail on the head, ds2 and I are peas in a pod.

I think 3 year olds are much more difficult to win with I mean negotiate with, than 2 year olds.

I think the phrase "giving in" is very loaded. I think if you substitute a word like "negotiating" or "compromising" then it becomes easier to see that what you are doing is modelling desirable social skills

I would not give in on things that really are important to you - in the sense that they are part of your values, eg hurting others, stealing etc etc. Once you separate those sorts of behvaiour out then it is easy to see the ones that are not so important - whether they eat their breakfast, what clothes they wear, whether they come and tidy up right now, or when they have finished being a crocodile.

Yes, I think it's true. You probably are very alike. I know out of all 3 of my boys, DS2 is the most wilful, but the one I totally understand. Not saying I don't understand the other 2, of course I do.

Superfrog certainly isn't a Captain of Industry kind of name! And being called SupermummyFrog raises a few eyebrows whilst we are out It makes me laugh though and it won't be forever...I hope

F&Z, it is all about compromise with these pesky 3 year olds! Even better if they can be made to think what they are actually doing was their idea in the first place!

I think we are all guilty of giving in a bit to keep the peace, but like F&Z says, unless it's a serious issue which definately doesn't call for giving in, then it really doesn't hurt sometimes. (Can you tell I'm practising my 'keep calm' thing for when DS1 hits teenage years in Jamuary )

Oh god, Caleb has just said 'oooh look Supermummy Frog' After eating his brekkie and i find my self replying 'well done Superfrog!!' talk about encouraging him -

Now he wants to go outside in the rain, with PJ's, sunglasses and a rubber ring on!

Like I say.....MAD!!!

you have just described me and DD .. but she's not 3 till next May

I think she's going to win though

oh...my 3 year old ds is much the same! is sitting eating left over weetabix after my 1 year old dd...he refused to have his own weetabix! no logic at all! my dd2 who is 5 is far more objectionable though...I try despirately hard not to argue when it might not be worth it. good example: ds refused to wear jumper to nursery...tried to persude him to no avail. So just put it in his bag for when he inevitably would get cold! and then bit my lip so I didn't say "Told you so"!!!

Don't let your "No" mean "No....oh OK then, yes" otherwise you'll be in a heap of trouble later though

Don't say these things about 3 year olds . My two year old who will be 3 in November is quite nice really. Is he going to chnage? .

Although he is quite mad much of the time already .

My dd, same thing...still sporadic, she reverts to charming 2yr old on occasion, but heading towards total threenager alarmingly fast. (3 at Xmas)
She reminds me of me with PMT a lot of the time

I have found age 3 to be both more delightful and more infuriating than age 2. It's just MORE, really, that sums it up.

Yes, that makes sense....IME teenagers (as opposed to threenagers) are even more. Amazing, fantastic, horrendous, the lot.

Three is definitely harder than two round here. Either that or my stock of patience has been entirely used up. He is SO blooming unco-operative about everything. And it is so hard just to get anywhere - leaving the house and going on any journey by foot is a nightmare. Bit of a bugger as I don't drive. And we are potty training at the moment which creates even more opportunities for conflict. Have to bite my lip VERY hard not to say 'Why didn't you just go on your potty when I asked you if you needed a wee?'

Although I feel guilty saying that as he's being lovely this morning. Apart from taking the cat food (dry, thank heavens) out of the cat's bowl, adding water and bringing it upstairs to feed the cat...

Dd2 has been like this since she was about 18 months, and shows no sign of changing, just gets better at arguing.

We have entered parenting humility land with a bit of a bump, having had two older easy-going children, and assuming it was down to our wonderful parenting. I do let her get away with things that I wouldn't have let pass with the others, but I find I have to make lots of lightning decisions about whether or not to make an issue of something in order to avoid the whole, "No, no, no, oh all right then" scenario, which I think is disastrous.

In the end it comes down to not compromising on things that really matter to you, and everything else can go hang. So:

welly boots and fairy dress to the supermarket -- fine.
Sleep on a pile of old duvets on the floor rather than in the perfectly adequate bed -- fine.
Want to be called Albert rather than dd2 -- fine.
Spend 15 minutes faffing around claiming to be able to tie your own shoe laces before finally giving in -- fine.
Spitting food out on the floor -- not fine.
Thinking 'I want' is an acceptable substitute for 'please may I have' -- not fine.
Stealing brother's playmobil -- not fine.

Etc. Each list will be different, but I think the principle's the same. I've also become quite good at looking ahead and anticipating trouble so as to head it off at the pass. Still a ruddy pain, though.

Love the list frogs I too have a very
strong willed 2 yr old dd. Like you said you really do have to think ahead, as the last thing you want to end up doing is saying No & then giving in.

I pick my battles very carefully, but if she is being a real little madam I will never give in no matter what her demads are, however insignificant.