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how to encourage independence in 8 yr old

1 reply

donteattheplaydough · 10/09/2014 21:00

Hi, my DD1 is 8, nearly 9. She is a lovely girl in many ways, she is friendly, fun, has plenty of friends and lots of interests and activities. She is bright, reads a lot, and doing well at school. However.... I wish she would be more independent at home. I literally have to nag her to do everything - brush her hair, her teeth, get dressed, put her shoes on.

I just don't know what to do. I've had chats with her about how she needs to do more for herself and how it would help me and the family. I tried writing a list of what she needs to do each day, with timings, and putting it on her bedroom wall, plus a clock, but she just ignores it.

I sometimes think my 2 yr old DD2 is more independent!

I know the answer is 'stop doing things for her' but it's difficult if it's a school day and she needs to be at school on time. I have asked her why she doesn't do what she needs to do, and she says she gets distracted.

I feel that at the moment I am not doing her any favours by constantly nagging her as she is never learning to think for herself, but I am stuck for an alternative.

I am a stay-at-home mum, I am around a lot, so I really don't think this is a cry for attention. We do things just the two of us, but actually sometimes when I suggest it she says she likes doing things as a whole family.

However I do think there is some jealousy of her younger brother and sister, although unfounded I think as I try and give them each attention and encouragement.
Or maybe she is aware she is growing up and fighting against it?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
mum9876 · 10/09/2014 23:50

My dd is very nearly 9 too. She's the same. I don't think she has any concept yet that appearance is important. So she doesn't think to brush her hair, brush her teeth. She's got no worries about being late so getting dressed is unimportant to her. I suspect it will change when she wants to meet her friend on the corner to go to school, and everybody else is doing their hair nicely. In the meantime, it's unimportant to her. Mine wouldn't eat unless I put food in front of her. Will be interested to see replies from those with older dds.

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