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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

12 month old - ignoring mum and no separation anxiety

13 replies

RebecaRW · 09/09/2014 22:40

I am probably becoming a paranoid mum (hopefully this is only a phase) but after reading lots of websites I keep wondering what is normal and what is not.

My 12 month old is a happy baby, very independent and interested in things. However, he has not developed any separation anxiety and when I'm back from work he doesn't look at me if he is playing or doing something else. Also he adapts pretty quickly to new people so he can stay with my parents or new people any time and he doesn't complain (in fact, he seems not to notice).

Is this normal? I keep reading that babies love to be with their mums or primary caregiver from 9 month old but he seems not to be bothered by whom is next to him.

Any experiences very welcome. Many thanks!

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Laquila · 09/09/2014 23:04

Ahhh I really wouldn't worry - my 12-month old often doesn't seem to notice when I come in from work either! Generally he's momentarily pleased to see me and then immediately finds something else more interesting. (He once cried when I came home and took him off nana!)

I suspect separation anxiety will be along to give us something else to worry about, sooner or later.

Smartiepants79 · 09/09/2014 23:11

Neither of my two ever had separation anxiety.
I always saw it as a sgn that they were very secure in the knowledge that I would be back! My oldest is still pretty unfazed by new situations and has started school without a squeek!
They didn't go to anyone except family until they were 3 though so it might have been different in a less familiar environment.
Where are you leaving him?
I really wouldn't see this as a negative. Be happy that he is secure and confident.

BikeRunSki · 09/09/2014 23:14

Ds was the same. Pretty similar now at 6!

Dd (2.10) the other hand wails for me almost constantly, and always has.

rockybalboa · 09/09/2014 23:14

All 3 of my DC have been like that. Sometimes they get so absorbed in what they are doing (even the 13 month old) that they couldn't give a rats ass where I am or what I'm doing!!

dorasee · 09/09/2014 23:19

My son (now 12) was like your son. I could put him in anyone's arms and he was happy as Larry. He was a smiley baby and he never got upset if I left the room or left him in the care of other until he was older (around age 3,4,5... still doesn't like to have a babysitter. Lol! But even then it was mild separation anxiety). To this day he is still a total social butterfly who loves to be around people. From my own experience, separation anxiety has really been at its peak between ages 3-4 with both my older kids. When my daughter was 2, she would literally be on the green and wander home with anyone (had I let her!). And she could run off into the wild and never turn around to look for me. Then at age 2 1/2, I enrolled her in nursery for two mornings a week. THEN she missed me. I really, really wouldn't worry. It sounds like your LO is a balanced, happy baby who is very secure. Well done you, mum!

Original poster

RebecaRW · 10/09/2014 09:52

Thanks very much for your replies! They are very helpful and reassuring :-)

OP posts:

elastamum · 10/09/2014 09:56

Don't worry.

My DS1 was like this. On the first day of nursery I dropped him off and said 'will pick you up later' and he went happily off to play, whilst other kids were crying all around him. He is just secure and confident. Now at 15 he is just the same, he is a lovely sociable outgoing young man who doesn't seem to suffer the angst of most teens.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 10/09/2014 10:00

DD2 told me I was late on the shortest winter days, when it was dark at nursery pick up time. Otherwise both DDs always seemed totally happy to have a change from boring old mum.

MomOfABeast · 10/09/2014 15:17

I read a study once, wish I could find it now that looked at 200 healthy, well attached babies and how they reacted to separation. 1 in 5 were extremely upset, couldn't be consoled, 3 in 5 were upset but could be comforted and 1 in 5 didn't seem to care. Apparently this was just due to temperament and is a trait that persists into adult relationships. It's not that the baby actually doesn't care or isn't attached its that they're independent and happy in thir own company and this tends to be true in their adult relationships too. They need less reassurance and are less clingy.

You probably just have a happy, independent guy.

Original poster

RebecaRW · 10/09/2014 16:58

Many thanks to all of you...

I suppose each children reacts differently. I wish I have less information from books and more real experiences from friends and family (or lovely mums in Mumsnet :-)

Thanks!

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BocaDeTrucha · 10/09/2014 23:12

This is a funny one as my ds is the opposite and suffering terribly with separation anxiety from about 9 months. I of course read Lloyd about it and it reassures you that it's so normal and in fact reassures you that you've done a great job in creating a bond with your child. I wouldn'say though that if there's no separation anxiety, you haven't made a bond. That's rubbish. But I would hate to read between the lines of some posts here to say that if a child is suffering from separation anxiety, the parents have failed to raise a happy, independent child who isn't confident the parent will return. I hope that's not the case. Although I'd love to hear some stories of children who did have SA who went on to be perfectly sociable, independent children.

BocaDeTrucha · 10/09/2014 23:12

Lloyd?????? No idea, but I did read loads...

Original poster

RebecaRW · 11/09/2014 10:13

Cannot help with that, BocaDeTrucha. I like he is independent but I confess I wouldn't mind he misses me a bit (at least, it would be nice to see him happy when I come back). On the contrary he seems to be more interested in whatever he is doing and if I take him he is not always happy about it.

How complicated is being a mum...

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