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Original poster

School calls, child is ill but it is a lie

37 replies

Impossibleisland · 09/09/2014 14:14

Granny arrived yesterday to stay with us until Friday. The kids love her and don't see her enough they wish as she lives far.
Anyway, my six year old son this morning cried while leaving the house and he said he didn't want to go to school to play with granny (whom was staying with my other son, 4 year old that will start reception on Thursday). My husband took him to school and I went to the office. I texted my husband and he said my son was, also in the car, complaining he wanted to stay at home to play. At 10.30 I get a call from school telling me my son complained stomach ache, he was nauseous and "you know, there is a bug going around. Please come to pick him up." My husband picked him up, he told him he could not play with granny but he could stay in bed all day if he was sick. He had a nap in the morning. At lunch time he declared himself recovered!!! I am furious!!!!!!
It was just a big lie.
We are going to have a big discussion later. I am sorry he has done something like that. He loves school, he performs well, but this is not acceptable. Luckily my husband was working from home today but what if he hadn't?
He must understand he has done something wrong. He loves his football class on Saturday morning. Would it be too much not sending him for a week? He needs to understand he can not pretend to be ill. Also, should I speak to teacher to tell to make sure he is really ill? This was the first ever time he has done it and I would not like him to be labelled as liar.
Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
Moreisnnogedag · 09/09/2014 14:22

You're not overreacting. Personally I wouldn't stop him going to sports but would sit down and have a long chat about how lies aren't ok and talk to him about crying wolf.

I can't decide whether I'd tell school, it puts his teacher in a difficult position. But certainly no playing with granny until the end of school day!!

pengymum · 09/09/2014 14:25

My child did exactly this once - I took them back to school! (Luckily only a few mins away).

Original poster
Impossibleisland · 09/09/2014 14:32

I said about taking football away as a form of teaching the lesson. Some people would take the wii or the iPad away, my child adores football.

I would have not taken him back to school as I really do not want people to know he lied. People label and I know this was a one off but there must be consequences to this....

OP posts:
Pinkje · 09/09/2014 14:36

Aw, poor kid. His little brother and his dad AND his granny at home. Do you know for certain he wasn't feeling unwell, he must have been ailing for something if he slept until lunchtime.

Mintyy · 09/09/2014 14:36

I think being furious and six exclamation marks is an extreme overreaction. He chanced his arm and thought he could get away with it (as all children will do at some point or other) please don't go OTT about punishing him. He's 6 years old.

Biscoff · 09/09/2014 14:39

They all try it on malingering once. A quiet day shut in their bedroom, no tv, no treats stops it happening again!

Original poster
Impossibleisland · 09/09/2014 14:39

Didn't realise the six exclamation marks! Sorry!! I adore him to bits!
Just talking with you ladies is helping....
Getting much calmer. Smile

OP posts:
NorksEnormous · 09/09/2014 15:03

Aww I feel quite sorry for him, he obviously really wanted to spend time with granny! Tell him he mustn't lie as next time if he really is sick then people might not believe him, but don't be too hard on him, it's lovely he has such a close relationship to granny

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 09/09/2014 15:07

Ok so you could have taken him back but didn't because you were worried what people think. Why is it ok for you an adult to make the wrong decision but then you come down so hard on a 6 year old for making up a tale because he wanted to be with his grandma.

Yes he needs a bit of a talking too about the boy who cried wolf etc but if you feel so strongly about his actions YOU should have done the right thing and marched him back to school.

Original poster
Impossibleisland · 09/09/2014 15:14

Well first of all I didn't because I work miles away, in fact I didn't pick him up but my husband did. Also, I did not take any wrong decision. I still think if everyone know, people will label him as lier but I know he is not.

OP posts:
DownByTheRiverside · 09/09/2014 15:17

People?
Unlikely to be school staff, feeling ill is a standard get-out in KS1. Very normal.

SmashleyHop · 09/09/2014 15:18

My son tried that on once. He spent the whole day in bed. No tv, no toys- just a book to keep him company. He's not done it again.

Mutley77 · 09/09/2014 15:20

Both my DC have done this for one reason or another. I make it clear I know they were lying but don't punish them. There's always a reason for them wanting to come home (be it more attractive to be at home or not attractive to be at school for whatever reason) and I try and work on that, rather than the lying. I am sure they do make themselves feel ill (kind of psychologically if you know aht I mean) rather than bare faced lying.

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 09/09/2014 15:32

Your choice you sound rather hysterical about it all tbh he's not the first 6 year old to fake a tummy ache I'm sure the school have seen it many times before. Calm down and get over it. the opportunity to teach him the right lesson has past.

Original poster
Impossibleisland · 09/09/2014 15:35

What do you mean sorry? What was the right lesson then?

OP posts:
Vitalstatistix · 09/09/2014 15:39

maybe he did feel ill.

if he felt very emotional then he could have had a physical sensation accompanying that.

very young children often cannot identify their emotions.

Have you ever felt sick with anger? I have. I've also felt hollow when upset. I've had headaches when stressed. If I have been very upset and cried a lot and felt miserable, then I've had physical feelings after that too.

I wouldn't necessarily assume he was deliberately lying. Although he may have been, I don't know. It's just possible that how he felt led to physical feelings that he interpreted as feeling unwell.

Original poster
Impossibleisland · 09/09/2014 15:41

Thank you. I thought that. He is a very sensitive boy actually and that crossed my mind. You have all been very useful

OP posts:
itiswhatitiswhatitis · 09/09/2014 15:43

He faked illness and even though you are cross he got what he wanted, to stay at home with granny.

The natural and easier consequence would have been to send him back to school, he would have learnt that telling a lie got him nowhere. But you have chosen to allow the lie to stand because you're more worried about appearances so the message you are sending is it's not the lie that is the problem it's whether people find out about it.

mathanxiety · 09/09/2014 16:04

You need to talk to the school. You need to tell them he lied and explain what was going on. Ask them to try to be very sure he is sick in the future, but look out for another episode like this. Explain to the school that there isn't always someone available to pick him up, that you can't leave work and get to the school, and if you have to send someone outside the family you don't want it to be a false alarm. If this is the first time your DS has tried this, you are lucky.

It is very common and normal for children this age to try to get out of school occasionally, and they often really believe everything they say to the teacher and the people in the office. I don't think it's really a case of lying -- or rather I don't see lying in children of that age as a black and white issue. I think there's always a reason behind it and getting to the bottom of that is more important than punishment.

Most of my children have tried this trick. So have most of their classmates. The school office seems to fall for it every single time. (I have still been incredibly annoyed by the school office falling for it. There is always 'a bug going around'. It's a school (duh) aka incubator of germs, handwashing-free zone, full of people who pick their noses and eat snot...) Meanwhile I have tried to figure out what is going on that made my DCs need the break from school -- there has always been a reason.

I treat it as a mental health day with no TV allowed, and bedrest strictly enforced, for whatever child seems to not have been up to the challenge of school, and send them back the next day after a casual chat about how life is in Room 102, how Mrs Teacher is behaving herself, what the other kids usually play at lunchtime, who they are sitting beside in class, who they are doing group work with (trying to leave no stone unturned in my investigation of what is biting the DC).

mathanxiety · 09/09/2014 16:08

I also think, for children of 6, an immediate punishment is preferable to something that takes place on a later date. Saturday is 'weeks away' and he will not be able to see any real link to what he did this early in the week if punishment is deferred. Also, trying to understand what caused the lie is imo more important.

Badvoc123 · 09/09/2014 16:14

I think if he did have. Nap he probably was feeling off colour....mine wouldn't nap at 6 unless ill.
I do think you need to calm down.
He is 6.
Perhaps some special time with granny after school - maybe just him and her?

Original poster
Impossibleisland · 09/09/2014 17:58

Just arrived home. The kids are playing with granny. I asked him when he came to say hello "How are you feeling?" And he replied "how do you know?" He looks better than me Hmm We will have a chat later

OP posts:
DownByTheRiverside · 09/09/2014 18:21

'And he replied "how do you know?" '

He really is 6, isn't he?
MUMS KNOW ALL!

ProfYaffle · 09/09/2014 18:25

dd2 has done this too, I just made a song and dance about sick children staying in bed all day with no TV etc. She hasn't done it since.

YakInAMac · 09/09/2014 18:27

When I was 6 I could easily think myself into ACTUALLY having a tummy ache and feeeling ill, and often did feel like that when I was upset or nervous. He may well have been feeling ill by the time he came home.

What Vitalstatistix said.

It may not have been the lying, scheming machiavellian act you envisage.